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monicott17

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Everything posted by monicott17

  1. Can’t keep track of how many times a day I find myself muttering the words “why do I bother”. Frustrated and annoyed on so many levels.
  2. I wish I could somehow make myself want to drive again. Super frustrating because I have to depend on others and always do things on their terms. Like today, need to go to the mall and was up early and ready especially since I like to be there close to when it opens (less busy) but that wasn’t convenient so now I have to go at the busy time and it is already making me anxious. I wouldn’t bother at all but not going out on weekends makes me feel worse since I am basically in my bedroom 24-7 on weekdays.
  3. Got to leave the house on a weekday so even though it was for a short time…that is enough to at least make me feel a tiny bit better. Could be why I got a bit more work done today too knowing I was going to go out. The workload is still a mess though and no closer to being sorted out but that is up to my boss as I don’t have the desire or motivation to care about it or want to help.
  4. I can definitely relate. It seems for me if there is one thing that is ven remotely good…there is 4 or 5 bad things right along with it. Especially of late…nothing seems to be going right for me.
  5. It is available…but not certain I would qualify for several reasons. I used to be able to handle things and multitask…pretty well actually but the combo of working from home and the workload being a sloppy, disorganized mess has ruined that. I also don’t really feel any connection to my co-workers or boss or care much about the company as a whole. Management isn’t really friendly or responsive and plays favorites for sure.
  6. Nothing can ever be done without all kinds of conditions or strings attached to it. It can never be on my terms it seems. And I am tired of this. And tried of always either being the “afterthought” or just straight up not included at all.
  7. Work is likely going to be a nightmare this week and given my current high levels of anxiety and depression combined with my total lack of motivation…I have no idea how I am going to handle it. My family is not really helpful or supportive in any meaningful way either.
  8. Not doing well these last few days. Had several episodes where I just broke down and started crying. Overwhelmed by sadness and a strong sense of hopelessness.
  9. I’ve checked..but not recently..if there are any of these in my area and did not really find any. I think something like this would be good for me to be around people who understand and can sympathize with what you are going through. Going to check with my therapist and see if he knows of any.
  10. Guess I did okay since my boss said she would look into and make the phone calls. Still going to create extra, time consuming work for me though. And this shouldn’t have even been an issue in the first place! Very curious how long it will take to hear back from her on this, she isn’t exactly on the ball on these types of things.
  11. Thanks! My boss is very hot and cold. Sometimes she responds quickly and is quite helpful, other times…not so much. Both my boss and my company as a whole are terrible at communications and organization. And to make it worse…my department is at the very bottom of the priority scale so we basically get nothing! I do not feel comfortable bringing this up in our every other week conference call (there are other people on the call) so I guess the best approach is to email her about it. Going to have to really think about how to word it. Because of her sometimes lukewarm reactions to things and because the company seems very steadfast on keeping us at home and not returning in person. There has not even been any discussion about it nor have they asked us for our input.
  12. I am feeling extra sad and hopeless…usually feel both of those things on Mondays but today it is really bad because I am doing so poorly of late. The weather (the temps are around 25 degrees below normal) is definitely a contributing factor but I am more uneasy about talking with my boss today. That problem with the work is going to have to be fixed soon and I can’t in any way handle making phone calls at this time and that is the likely solution. I don’t know what to say to her and am trying to figure out some excuse or way out of it. This is where a good friend or confidant would come in handy to talk it out. Same goes for that family related thing still bothering me. This is going on the second week now.
  13. Oh wow….that sounds soooo good!!! It might get to 87 here..once or twice in July or August. Right now, it is a balmy 19 degrees…19 degrees and it is almost April!! And everything covered in snow yet again!
  14. Thanks. We had a few decent days in the past few weeks but it is really late into April…early May before the weather really turns. Cold and snow last well into April. Plus the lake is mostly unfrozen again so any cold snap could produce snow…which is the case today. Even into May, it really isn’t all that warm. June, July and August are really the only “decent” weather months and most of that time…its not hot, just humid and sticky. I laugh when the people around town go on about our “great summers” . They aren’t so great…but there isn’t snow, so at least there is that.
  15. I don’t know what to do….I really can’t take much more of feeling like this. I continue to obsess over this family related thing that I really should let go of but I can’t because it made me think deeper into things and I realized something (they were only pretending to like me) and it has effected me more than I thought it would. I’ve got to somehow deal with a major work related issue which there is no way I can handle because it is mostly related to areas of the job I know nothing about but since a small piece of it is related to my job, My boss is trying to make me fix it by giving useless suggestions (make a phone call!) and no guidance at all. I don’t like making calls as is but in my current state…there is no way I can do it. The absolute misery of my location (and not just due to today’s brutual weather) continues to bring me down. And then there is the news and social media…all bad. all the time. Yet I cannot stay away from it. Apologies for my ramblings but I just need to vent and no one in real life is really willing to listen. And therapy is several days away .
  16. Everything is already snow covered again and it is supposed to not stop all day. Just when nearly everything had melted also . And it is only in the 20’s today and tomorrow…that is like at least 20 degrees below normal for this time of year. I’ve got bad seasonal affective depression and don’t handle winter well at all but this too much for me especially since I have so much other stuff bothering me right now. Also, I had to see that a large portion of the country is having sunshine and record warmth and and real springlike weather. Meanwhile here…it looks and feels like the middle of winter.
  17. Wallowing in self pity yet again. This was another bad week and I didn’t have therapy this week so I am ruminating about a bunch of things that I really need to discuss with him. I am now at a week plus of obsessing over my (what I believe is a purposeful) exclusion from a family event. I squandered an opportunity the other day to do something fun mostly due to anxiety/OCD. There is a work related issue that is already a huge problem and only going to get worse and my boss is trying to make me fix it (I absoutely cannot handle making phone calls). And to top it off…it is snowing and freaking cold again. And it is going to acculmulate.
  18. Welcome to the boards and I can relate…the line “watching line pass me by” hits me especially hard. I live in a constant state of worry and doom and gloom and its tough…really tough.
  19. I knew this nice stretch was going to be short lived. Going to snow this weekend and since it is still several days out and they have already begun hyping it…makes me assume the worst. And of course, it is just when everything finally melted.
  20. Still bothered by this and the more I think about it, the worse it gets. Also, no therapy appointment this week so I have no one to talk to about it so I wll likely continue to obsess over this and it will continue to make me feel bad.
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