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Everything posted by monicott17

  1. I am realizing my anxiety is much worse than I thought. I convinced myself for years that I didn’t need meds and could function on a semi-normal basis. That was a mistake on my part. I have never been anything close to normal and should have been doing something about it instead of just “getting by”. Not really even sure meds are the answer or if I am too far gone for them to work for me but I have to least try. It is getting increasingly difficult for me to function…especially in regards to work.
  2. I missed therapy this week due to my therapist having to cancel at the last minute and boy am I feeling it. I don’t think the outcome of the issue I am dealing with right now is going to be good and he could have helped me talk that out as I am taking it personally that my very nice inquiry was ignored and is likely going to result in the worst of all possible outcomes being the result. Honestly, maybe it is better that way as I can move on and look elsewhere for better options.
  3. Well said. I question everything…and by everything…I mean everything!!!
  4. Perry Mason…I love that show! There is something about the black and white, noir feeling to the show that is oddly calming for me.
  5. Thanks. Still not doing well…having a particularly rough go of things at the moment. Strongly considering medication…really unsure about it but I am getting worse instead of better so something has to give.
  6. Thanks. I am going to speak with them and try my best to come up with another way. They aren’t always the nicest though. And my therapist did let me know of another option I wasn’t aware of in the worst case scenario. I am just also mad at myself for avoiding both this and other things for way longer than I should have. If some of those other things were dealt with, I might have been able to handle this. Also, this is where a friend, acquaintance or trusted individual would come in handle. Someone who would not be judgemental or unhelpful. I appreciate my therapist spending time discussing it with me but I need more…someone in real life. Don’t have that and it makes the situation all the more frustrating.
  7. I am avoiding the doctor…I have cancelled/rescheduled the appt so many times that I have reached the point that their system will make me inactive and will not get my meds (they aren’t anxiety meds) filled any longer. I don’t want to go/can’t face going for a host of reasons…most of them personal but anxiety is definitely a part of it. I have been speaking with my therapist recently about starting anxiety/depression meds and I am going to try and use that as an excuse. I am very much struggling with my mental health right now and really do not think I can handle the appt. They aren’t the most friendly there and they stick you in a hot and tiny room with no windows. And they make you see everyone other than your actual provider. One thing I am willing to do though is a virtual appt, that is what I do for my therapy sessions. I can at least somewhat control more of how it goes that way. Plus, no weigh in or uncomfortable prodding.
  8. I am so unsure of how to handle something that was dumped on me recently. It is another one of those things that most people don’t have a problem doing yet it is anxiety producing for me. Also, either way is going to cause me anxiety. I spoke with my therapist the other day about it and he gave me at least some food for though but I still have no idea what to do…and I do not have much time to decide.
  9. Not doing well at all right now. Sad, anxious, frustrated, hopeless, uptight…feeling a combo of all of these. Also, extreme apathy toward my job and total lack of motivation.
  10. Birds constantly chirping day and night outside of my window is really bad for my OCD. Can even hear them over the radio and the fans that are on…ugh.
  11. I see a glass half empty, instead of half full. If something happens 100 times and 99 goes one way and 1 goes the other…I focus on the 1 instead of the 99.
  12. I have completely stopped caring about work again. Not that I really even cared that much before but I was doing a bit better for awhile. There is no reason whatsoever for me to do anything other than the bare minimum that is required of me. And even doing that is getting to be a chore.
  13. Same! One isn’t enough….I have several. I even use them in the dead of winter and brought them on my recent vacation.
  14. I am pretty jaded and cynical and in general don’t have much hope at all but I have to say I am pretty moved by the response that has occured in my area after the horrible thing that happened here recently. Despite all the bad and doom and gloom…there is still some good and decency left out there.
  15. This seems to be happening everywhere…people on their phones in the middle of a crowded place talking loudly, some even on speaker phones. And they don’t seem to care that they are a huge distraction and that everyone can hear their business. Loud phone conversations have been an anxiety trigger for me for awhile…I have worked with a number of people in the past who were super annoying while on the phone.
  16. Yes!!! Working with my therapist on this but still struggling with it quite a bit.
  17. Struggling immensely with work again. Distracted and spending too much time on my devices on non-work related things. I think things are going to feel “off” and strange/sad for quite some time around my area. Probably won’t be out doing stuff until the weekend but I get the feeling places are going to be different for awhile. I am always hyper aware of my surroundings while out in public…will be even moreso now.
  18. I ended up with zero beach time on vacation and today I am back home and the weather is exactly like it was at the beach…rainy and cool. Meanwhile, the beach location is warm and sunny today. That is just my luck. I wasn’t quite as overwhelmed as I thought I would be upon my return to work. But I wasn’t nearly as productive as I should have been either. Going to be an uphill battle for awhile I think. Also, there is a deep sense of sadness around the area where I live due to a horrific event that happened here recently. I am trying to avoid coverage of it because it is really tough to watch and stuff like that can easily spike my anxiety. But I will have to be out and about around town where people will be talking about it and where reminders of it will be around for some time. This also makes me even more uneasy about a number of things that I have worried about before.
  19. Thanks…where I am is also being affected by that storm. Winds and unseasonably cold (mid 50’s) have made it impossible to go to the beach so far. Not looking much better for the rest of the week either. Today wasn’t a good day on a number of fronts but I am pushing through. Just reminding myself that I am not at work and out functioning in society.
  20. Doing okay so far while on vacation. More than a little frustrating though to be in a beach area and to have the temperature be 15-20 colder than at home. Seriously, my area has some of the worst weather anywhere in the country for a good part of the year and today it’s going to sunny and 80 freaking degrees while here at the beach it is 55 degrees, cloudy and high winds. High winds means high tides which means no beach time for now. But I am trying to make the most of it…I am not working and I am out of the house. There is other stuff to do as well…outlet mall, visiting local shops, etc…
  21. Thanks!! Going to be interesting to see how it goes. Decided to keep my weekly therapy appointment since it is done via their app in case things aren’t going good. But if I cannot at least relax somewhat at the beach, which is where I am going…then there really isn’t hope for me I guess??!!
  22. Same here. Particularly feeling this right now as I am about to go on vacation and I am a bit nervous how it is going to go. Anxiety has been high of late but I am hoping being away from work and out of the house will at least get me calm enough to semi enjoy things.
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