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monicott17

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Everything posted by monicott17

  1. Misery. Complete and total misery.
  2. All this time…they were only pretending to be nice. I think somewhere along the line I may have realized it but it didn’t really register until recent events really hammered it home. Sad on many levels since it was the closest thing to family gatherings I will get. Sure maybe I will get a “pity” invite in the future to tag along with others they actually do like but I won’t bother. Sitting home alone is depressing but far less depressing than sitting somewhere where you know you aren’t wanted and are being judged.
  3. Sorry you are dealing with this and I can relate. I never bought the “there is someone for everyone” line and love/happiness is something I can only dream about or live vicariously through others. I also find it hard to be happy for others.
  4. The grass is covered in snow and there is possibly more coming tonight and tomorrow.
  5. I did a decent amount of work today for a Monday. Also, this past weekend, I decided to speak up and went off on some things that were bothering me. It felt kind of good to do that. Not sure if it will do any good in the long run or if it will help me to be in a better place with things but it is better than keeping all of this stuff bottled up inside.
  6. Same here…in fact the grass is currently covered in snow and some of the more rural parts of the area could get up to 6 inches they said. But by the weekend…it is supposed to be in the 70’s! Been a really awful spring so far so hopefully things will begin to turn around after this snow and cold day.
  7. Completely unspringlike today. It was snowing earlier…it did not stick but any snow coming down in mid-April…ugh.
  8. I guess my Seasonal Affective Depression isn’t just due to winter weather. It is cold and overcast and earlier there was some snow falling…wasn’t sticking though. This is like the 3rd or 4th weekend in a row of terrible weather and I am feeling it. My recent struggles have been amplified by the poor spring weather we have been having. Saturdays are usually the one day per week where I am sort of okay and “functional”. Not sure about today, been extra anxious of late and dealing with the “time of the month” symptoms right now. I will be going to lunch today and unfortunately since I wasn’t able to go at any point this week, have to go to the store which is likely to be a crowded nightmare. Having company later that I am now uncomfortable being around…kind of nervous about it because of some recent realizations I have come to.
  9. Another really bad week. So sad and lonely.
  10. I would really like to know why (I have a guess but I can’t be certain) my sister in law and her family no longer like me. Some never liked me but some at least pretended to. Considering I have no relationship with relatives on either of my parents side…they really are the only “family” I see and that makes it even more sad. I do have an aunt and uncle who I was seeing regularly for awhile but for reasons mostly out of my control…haven’t seen either in a long time and seriously doubt if we will ever have get togethers anytime soon. That also makes me sad because I never minded going and being around others. Sure, I may not say a whole lot but it doesn’t mean I didn’t like being there.
  11. Awful spring weather continues. Windy, rainy and very overcast. Supposed to be cold with a chance of some snow this weekend.
  12. Anxious and sad. Been another long week with a number of disappointments and letdowns. My family members just don’t seem to get it or honestly care at all much despite how many times I have tried to express my thoughts and concerns.
  13. Having a rough time today. Feeling really sad and lonely. Work continues to pile up and is getting more difficult to deal with each passing day.
  14. Managed to get more work done today than yesterday…including something that has been sitting around for awhile and getting pushed to the side. I got tired of looking at it so I just sucked it up and got it done.
  15. Today was a slight improvement…got a bit more done and even helped out some co-workers with some info they needed. Still not doing great though…so much frustration!
  16. I am really, really struggling today. Mondays are usually rough but today is absolutely brutal. I feel more sad and anxious than usual and there is not a specific reason why. Could be a combo of the many issues I am having right now.
  17. I think…at least around my area that people are affected by the weather (I know I am) and it has been a terrible spring so far following a terrible winter. I always cringe when the sports teams don’t do well either because that also has a rather large impact…especially the football team…on the morale.
  18. Thanks!! It was a better experience than the previous day was.
  19. Venturing out again today…hope it goes better this time as I will be in a different area than yesterday and places that are usually less crowded. Already feeling my usual Sunday blues though .
  20. Good luck! I made the mistake of going to the outlet mall on a Saturday afternoon and lets just say…it didn’t go so well. I did at least get a decent meal out of it and likely am going to buy online some of the items I looked at but didn’t purchase.
  21. Well I am back from venturing out…didn’t really do all that well. In fact, I have noticed the last few times going to the store or being out elsewhere, my anxiety has been higher and starting to feel some panic again. Especially today, it was super busy there. And while I was able to browse the items, I didn’t buy anything though because several of the stores had employees that gave me weird vibes and didn’t want to have to engage with them. Maybe it is that particular area I was in or perhaps Saturday is just a bad day to go as it was also full of rude people and not just store employees, but people in general seemed to be in a bad mood. I get sort of triggered by people on their phones talking loudly and almost yelling and saw a lot of that as well. I don’t know what to say anymore….I don’t like being stuck in the house so much but I am not liking and as comfortable with being out either. I think I might need to discuss this with my therapist as I do not like the way I felt today after being out…was angry about some things I shouldn’t really be angry about and as I said, some employees I encountered weirded me out so I was a bit paranoid as well.
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