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Everything posted by monicott17

  1. Trying to get back into music again plus a new talk show has started that I am quite enjoying so far and it is on in the middle of the work day so it helps the time to go by quick.
  2. I can relate. A few message boards and my weekly therapist appointment are my only solace at this time. My family members either don’t get it at all or just don’t care. And I don’t have any friends. And I am still working from home and will be for awhile it seems,
  3. Thanks. Trying again today and I actually have items I need at the store so I have good reason to be out. Already feels like another sad Sunday for me though.
  4. Just going through the motions of day to day life (especially my job) right now. Even today, on a weekend…went to the store and lunch at a favorite place of mine and it brought me no joy whatsoever. Leaving the house, since it is such a rare occurence these days (Monday-Friday I am basically a shut in since I work from home and I do not drive) usually at least perks me up a little bit. But not today, in fact I feel even more down since returning home.
  5. I can so relate. Posting here and a few other places is where I can speak openly and honestly. I had a really heavy “gripe” session with my therapist the other day and was happy to get some things off my chest but there are some avenues I don’t even want to go down when speaking with him. No friends at all and most of my family...just does not get it and lately I seem to feel worse when I say anything.
  6. Not sure how it works here…probably depends on what state one lives in. My state is a nightmare of a place to live and to deal with so I am guessing the process is not an easy one. I might be soon reaching the point of just straight up quitting without having a new job lined up. I would be ok financially doing that at least for awhile.
  7. I’m really unhappy with my job right now and I really need to seriously think about finding a new one. Problem is that I lack motivation and I am a mess right now…inside and out. Guess the fact that we are not going back to the office anytime soon is bothering me more than I thought it would. It also seems less and less likely I will be going on a road trip to one of my favorite places. I really didn’t get my hopes up or think about it because it was definite and it still may happen but I am doubtful.
  8. So much going on in my head and other than the 45 minutes a week I talk with my therapist and posting online…it stays bottled up and makes me feel more sad and hopeless with each passing day. Most of my family members (even if they claim otherwise) don’t care what I have to say and I don’t have and have never had any friends. Any shred of hope I had remaining is now gone.
  9. Feeling really down and out. Had a not so good time at my family event. Anxiety got spiked because I had to spend most of the time with someone who likes to talk. A lot. And loudly. About vacations, farm eqiupment, more vacation talk…ugh. This may sound awful but I cannot stand hearing about stuff like that…and every freaking possible detail as well. And some of the “uncomfortable” people were there and despite not dealing with them directly…their presence was enough to make me uneasy. Found out today I will not be returning to the office anytime soon. And reading between the lines of what my boss said…maybe not ever. I had mixed feelings about returning but knowing it isn’t likely to happen in the near future…ugh. My working situation at home is not at all ideal and I am going to have to seriously think about what to do as I can’t take it anymore.
  10. This board is definitely a safe space for me. It has become quite clear to me that no one (outside of my therapist) in real life really cares what I have to say or values my opinion. In fact, I know for certain I am being harshly judged (by my own family members) because of something I have an opposing point of view on than the majority does.
  11. Thanks! Making sure I have my charger and earbuds for a quick escape if needed!
  12. Have a family function to attend today. A bit uneasy about it as I am kind of on edge right now and severly lacking in patience. Plus, there are a few who might be there whose presence alone makes me uncomfortable.
  13. I post on several different message boards right now and this one is by far the friendliest and most comfortable place to post. Also, feel like I can relate to most people here and understand what they are going through as I am experiencing much of it myself. One of the other boards I have almost stopped going to because many of tne topics have in my opinion, an unfriendly and hostile tone to them and there are cliques there and if you aren’t in them…your posts get ignored. I actually feel more sad and depressed when I go there.
  14. You are most definitely not alone! In a bad place right now myself and all I can do is take it one day at a time. I know that is cliche and even some days that is hard but I don’t know what else to do. This board is a big help to me. Also, my weekly therapy session. I know therapy can be tough (I have had my own struggles with it) but right now is it a lifesaver for me.
  15. I just don’t bother anymore. All I get is faux concern and empty platitudes. My therapist seems to be the only one who will listen and is not judgemental.
  16. Lonely, hopeless, sad. I am basically on the outside looking in of life. Weekends should be fun and carefree…for me, they are almost more depressing than weekdays.
  17. I have yet to return to the office but when I do, I am going to do whatever I can to avoid any sort of conservation or interaction with co-workers that is not work related. I have always been uncomortable with “small talk” and avoided sitting in tne lunch room and hardly ever attended gatherings or happy hours but now will avoid them 100%. I don’t like sharing personal info especially in regards to a certain issue that is a popular topic these days.
  18. Swamp like…only 70 degrees but high humidity so it feels uncomfortable. Huge temperature swing is forecast for next week…one day in the 80’s, the next day…barely 60 degrees. It’s been a pretty awful spring season here so far and summer doesn’t look to be promising either.
  19. Had a bit of a meltdown and cried some. Not usually a big crying type but it was needed this time. Feel like I am hanging on by a thread right now.
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