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Everything posted by monicott17

  1. Feeling uneasy about things. I have always been cynical but never moreso than I am now.
  2. Idiots. Total and complete idiots are in charge of things where I live. This is an absolutely miserable place that is about to get even worse. But I am stuck here for many reasons…both big and small..and that is a tough pill to swallow as I want to move so badly.
  3. Humidity is gone finally after a brutal, uncomfortable week! Low 70’s and very pleasant today. Nice to have the window open with a breeze flowing in.
  4. Another weekend of no plans and nothing to look forward to. Think I’d be used to it by now…but sometimes it bothers me more, like today. The county fair is going on and today there is a huge concert out at the stadium. Honestly, do not have much interest in either but thinking about people going to these with friends and loved ones, the anticipation of the event, planning what to wear etc… Must be a nice feeling.
  5. I can relate..l have no friends either and likely never will. I have to echo the words of the other posters here…this forum is a friendly and welcoming and most of all non judgmental place to speak your mind. I post on a bunch of different forums and this one is the nicest by far.
  6. Sad and more hopeless than ever. Have a growing sense of apathy toward my work…for a number of reasons…and at this point, I am only doing the bear minimum required of me. As usual, nothing to look forward to on the weekend. Would like to go to the store or mall to just spend some time and browse and actually see and hear other humans but I get third degree and and the side eye whenever I ask to go so I just don’t bother. And they aren’t in walking distance either. Quitting driving for no good reason is one of my biggest regrets.
  7. School supplies in stores, football starting, the endless array of pumpkin spice items (sidebar- I might be the only one…but I cannot stand pumpkin spice..the taste or the smell..which has triggered migraines in the past)…all reminds of fall and all out there already, school supplies were in stores around July 4th even though school goes until late June here. I struggle with winter and seasonal affective depression and since the calendar turned to August, I have started to feel the SAD slowly creeping back despite it being hot and sunny today. Also, some places leave their plows in the parking lots all year round and seeing a plow in the middle of a hot summer day is pretty jarring for someone like me.
  8. You are not alone in this and welcome to the forums.
  9. At this point, I should be used to being an “outsider”, as in being on the outside while everyone inside is having fun…but I am not. Especially not now on several levels. Summer weekends are full of friends and families gathering for parties, at the beach, the park, etc.. having fun and enjoying each other’s companies. And festivals and fairs around the area. Sucks watching other people experience all that and also knowing that even if you get to go somewhere, it won’t be anything like that…it will be different and full of issues and conditions. Another thing which I am going to be vague on…my view on something is very much different from the majority. It already has caused me issues and likely will continue to do so.
  10. For me, I don’t believe so. My mental health issues go way back to childhood when I look back on it and I was not diagnosed clinically until well into adulthood. Had my issues been treated as a adolescent, I may have had a chance but at this point, all I can do is lessen the effects…I don’t think I will ever be at 100%. Also, I dislike immensely where I live…which is my hometown and the only place I have ever lived. Again, I know my issues won’t disappear totally but moving to a different locale would be benefical. Sadly, it just is not possible for a number of reasons and that is a hard pill for me to swallow.
  11. It is not a good feeling when you have the opposite point of view from the majority…especially when those close to you are in that majority. Dealing with this right now…and it isn’t good. And it is bound to just get worse.
  12. This is my world right now as my bedroom is now my office also since I work from home and there isn’t anywhere else in the house with adequate space for my work setup. I have no social life, friends or hobbies so I just sit in my room for long periods of time drowning in self pity.
  13. Struggling to function again. And feeling that constant sense of doom and gloom. Seems like a lot of weird and and bad things happening all over lately and I am concerned about where things could be headed.
  14. I literally cannot function or form a rational thought without it first thing in the morning. I drink it throughout the day as well. It is one of the very few things left in life that actually brings me some kind of pleasure.
  15. Worried. Very worried. Starting to get paranoid as well.
  16. Therapy has been my saving grace…also posting here and elsewhere. My family doesn’t understand and I’ve got no friends to talk to.
  17. So true! This is part of the reason why I am skipping an upcoming get to together. A family member of my sister in law likes to talk. And talk. And talk. About his endless Disney trips (as an aside, I am not a fan of Disney and don’t care to hear about it) and his cross country drive this summer. And his farm equipment. He’s a nice guy and means well but goes on and on and on and no one else says much. Plus, he’s got a louder speaking voice and that combined with boring conversation topics triggers my anxiety.
  18. I had to go to the mall today and return a total of 5 items from 2 different stores. 3 of the items were defective…the other two looked nothing like their online photos. And have one more item to go from an online store…which was an obvious customer return as it looks used and it is the wrong color. And the color I wanted is now not available plus I have to correct their error at my expense. This may sound odd…but experiences like this add to my sadness and depression. Things just aren’t what they used to be and I fear will continue to get worse.
  19. Despite my boss not bothering to tell me that she was on vacation last week and waiting until the last minute to let me know my time off request was approved…I got the approval and heading to a place I enjoy visiting and have visited many times in the past. Not really sure how this is going to go since I am miserable right now and struggling but I have only taken one vacation day this year so far back in February so I really need the time off from work. And I know the city I am going to well…been there many times and will be visiting some of the usual spots. We will see.
  20. I can relate as I come from a place with miserable weather almost year round. From October - April it could literally snow at any moment. And not stop for hours on end…really bad storms have gone on for days with multiple feet of snow. Winter is otherwise dark, cold, harsh and really depressing. Spring and Fall are mostly gloomy and cool. And even summer isn’t great. Lots of humidity and up and down temps. Rarely hits 90 degrees here..maybe once or twice a year…I wish we had warmer temps believe it or not.
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