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Everything posted by monicott17

  1. You are not alone in this and welcome to the forums.
  2. At this point, I should be used to being an “outsider”, as in being on the outside while everyone inside is having fun…but I am not. Especially not now on several levels. Summer weekends are full of friends and families gathering for parties, at the beach, the park, etc.. having fun and enjoying each other’s companies. And festivals and fairs around the area. Sucks watching other people experience all that and also knowing that even if you get to go somewhere, it won’t be anything like that…it will be different and full of issues and conditions. Another thing which I am going to be vague on…my view on something is very much different from the majority. It already has caused me issues and likely will continue to do so.
  3. For me, I don’t believe so. My mental health issues go way back to childhood when I look back on it and I was not diagnosed clinically until well into adulthood. Had my issues been treated as a adolescent, I may have had a chance but at this point, all I can do is lessen the effects…I don’t think I will ever be at 100%. Also, I dislike immensely where I live…which is my hometown and the only place I have ever lived. Again, I know my issues won’t disappear totally but moving to a different locale would be benefical. Sadly, it just is not possible for a number of reasons and that is a hard pill for me to swallow.
  4. It is not a good feeling when you have the opposite point of view from the majority…especially when those close to you are in that majority. Dealing with this right now…and it isn’t good. And it is bound to just get worse.
  5. This is my world right now as my bedroom is now my office also since I work from home and there isn’t anywhere else in the house with adequate space for my work setup. I have no social life, friends or hobbies so I just sit in my room for long periods of time drowning in self pity.
  6. Struggling to function again. And feeling that constant sense of doom and gloom. Seems like a lot of weird and and bad things happening all over lately and I am concerned about where things could be headed.
  7. I literally cannot function or form a rational thought without it first thing in the morning. I drink it throughout the day as well. It is one of the very few things left in life that actually brings me some kind of pleasure.
  8. Worried. Very worried. Starting to get paranoid as well.
  9. Therapy has been my saving grace…also posting here and elsewhere. My family doesn’t understand and I’ve got no friends to talk to.
  10. So true! This is part of the reason why I am skipping an upcoming get to together. A family member of my sister in law likes to talk. And talk. And talk. About his endless Disney trips (as an aside, I am not a fan of Disney and don’t care to hear about it) and his cross country drive this summer. And his farm equipment. He’s a nice guy and means well but goes on and on and on and no one else says much. Plus, he’s got a louder speaking voice and that combined with boring conversation topics triggers my anxiety.
  11. I had to go to the mall today and return a total of 5 items from 2 different stores. 3 of the items were defective…the other two looked nothing like their online photos. And have one more item to go from an online store…which was an obvious customer return as it looks used and it is the wrong color. And the color I wanted is now not available plus I have to correct their error at my expense. This may sound odd…but experiences like this add to my sadness and depression. Things just aren’t what they used to be and I fear will continue to get worse.
  12. Despite my boss not bothering to tell me that she was on vacation last week and waiting until the last minute to let me know my time off request was approved…I got the approval and heading to a place I enjoy visiting and have visited many times in the past. Not really sure how this is going to go since I am miserable right now and struggling but I have only taken one vacation day this year so far back in February so I really need the time off from work. And I know the city I am going to well…been there many times and will be visiting some of the usual spots. We will see.
  13. I can relate as I come from a place with miserable weather almost year round. From October - April it could literally snow at any moment. And not stop for hours on end…really bad storms have gone on for days with multiple feet of snow. Winter is otherwise dark, cold, harsh and really depressing. Spring and Fall are mostly gloomy and cool. And even summer isn’t great. Lots of humidity and up and down temps. Rarely hits 90 degrees here..maybe once or twice a year…I wish we had warmer temps believe it or not.
  14. Trying to get back into music again plus a new talk show has started that I am quite enjoying so far and it is on in the middle of the work day so it helps the time to go by quick.
  15. I can relate. A few message boards and my weekly therapist appointment are my only solace at this time. My family members either don’t get it at all or just don’t care. And I don’t have any friends. And I am still working from home and will be for awhile it seems,
  16. Thanks. Trying again today and I actually have items I need at the store so I have good reason to be out. Already feels like another sad Sunday for me though.
  17. Just going through the motions of day to day life (especially my job) right now. Even today, on a weekend…went to the store and lunch at a favorite place of mine and it brought me no joy whatsoever. Leaving the house, since it is such a rare occurence these days (Monday-Friday I am basically a shut in since I work from home and I do not drive) usually at least perks me up a little bit. But not today, in fact I feel even more down since returning home.
  18. I can so relate. Posting here and a few other places is where I can speak openly and honestly. I had a really heavy “gripe” session with my therapist the other day and was happy to get some things off my chest but there are some avenues I don’t even want to go down when speaking with him. No friends at all and most of my family...just does not get it and lately I seem to feel worse when I say anything.
  19. Not sure how it works here…probably depends on what state one lives in. My state is a nightmare of a place to live and to deal with so I am guessing the process is not an easy one. I might be soon reaching the point of just straight up quitting without having a new job lined up. I would be ok financially doing that at least for awhile.
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