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Everything posted by monicott17

  1. I’ve toyed with the idea of trying meds and talked about it with my therapist but have not gotten to a point where I was comfortable with it. Still not quite there but I don’t think I have a choice any longer. I can’t function, I live in a state of 24-7 anxiety/worry, more depressed (especially at this time of the year) than I have ever been and now even my OCD (emphasis on the O) has returned.
  2. I’m having a bit of a meltdown at the moment. And again it is a bunch of small things (including my extreme weather OCD) that has triggered me this time. And I am on my own because I can’t talk to anyone other than my therapist because no one close to me gets it…they might act like they care and throw out a bunch of empty words and pladitudes which feel pretty pointless and hurt more than they help most of the time.
  3. Really down…going to be a long day. I haven’t been doing well of late and we just got a dose of winter..very cold and snow and I don’t handle that well to begin with so on top of all my other misery…ugh!
  4. The snow and cold has finally made its way here after an unusually warm month of December .
  5. I know I am being judged by loved ones because I have a different point of view on something than the “majority”. They pretend like they care and say they are okay but I know they don’t like my decision and will likely at some point try to force me to change my mind.
  6. I continue to struggle on a daily basis. Bad weather…mainly snow…is a anxiety trigger for me, always have been bothered by it but now it is a huge problem for me. Well, snow is coming and my part of the area will see the worst of it while nearby locations get merely a dusting. Afraid that is going to push me closer to my breaking point, which I am already dangerously close to because of the holidays and other stuff.
  7. Actually got a decent amount of work done today and was able to focus better than usual. Not sure how since I started with a migraine. Guess the meds kicked in faster than usual today and I didn’t have the “hangover” feeling that I sometimes get.
  8. My weekly therapy session has been my saving grace, especially these past few months when things have gone really downhill for me. I don’t get out much at all since I work from home and basically just go out on weekends…to eat or shop. Even if it is just for an hour or two…feels good to be among the living.
  9. Not doing well. Demoralized to my core right now.
  10. One thing I excel at is self-loathing. My self esteem has always been low and these days it is non-exsistent.
  11. I have been feeling increasingly uneasy and tense recently combined with missing my weekly therapy session was the cause I believe of a anxiety spike and minor panic attack yesterday. Nothing major happened that would have done it…my nieces and nephew were kinda loud and excited but that didn’t cause it. The weather was fine and I was at home so it had to be the growing amount of tension just came to a head.
  12. I’d love to spend the holidays on a quiet beach with no trace of decorations or music and nothing but sand and ocean waves crashing in the background. I realize I am the oddball on this (pretty much the case on most things as I have long been the “black sheep” of the crowd) but I live in winter misery and am tired of cold, snowy, unpleasant weather this time of year. Also, lights and decorations do nothing for me.
  13. Best wishes to all! This board has been a lifeline for me as I do not have really anyone to talk with about things outside of my once a week therapy session. Uneasy and concerned about where things are headed, especially in my locale. Calm and rational thinking seem to be a thing of the past and decisions are made in a panic instead of being well thought out.
  14. The smallest of things continue to set me off. I should know better though to even get my hopes up in the slightest.
  15. You aren’t alone. I live in a place that has some of the worst and longest winters anywhere. This year, so far hasn’t been that bad but I am still having a bout with seasonal affective depression. Despite the minimal snow, it is still cold, windy and gray plus being dark before 5:00 PM is really depressing.
  16. Oh wow…I can so relate! Continue to feel demoralized and hopeless about everything.
  17. Yep! Their first and foremost priority…line their pockets and everything else, including doing to job they were elected to do takes a back seat. As I have said, the people in charge in my locale are beyond horrible. Even other nearby places are doing things the right way while they continues to make things more difficult because they crave power and total control of everything and everyone. Scary to say the least. Also, makes me even more anxious and depressed because I want to get of this place so bad (for lots of other reasons also) but there is no way it can happen…and I cannot handle that.
  18. Amen to this. One of the things I am most concerned about right now is where things might be headed…especially where I live. The people in charge here are the worst of the worst.
  19. Getting closer and closer to my breaking point. I can’t take much more of this. And knowing that I am basically powerless to change anything and that I am totally alone (outside of my once weekly therapy appointment) is a tough pill to swallow.
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