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Posts posted by Henny

  1. On 3/25/2021 at 11:34 PM, mrrd117711 said:

    I have abandonment issues and am a loner. I guess usually need to explain the loner stuff first. I realized I can socialize fine in one on one conversations. I always struggled when conversations have a lot of people involved. I guess I just looked up stuff online. I ended up seeing that there was some science to it.

    It seems like loners feel discomfort when a lot of people are around. Of course that’s not how the majority of people think so it’s pretty much always an issue. You’re not really going to make people feel good by saying the thing they enjoy brings me pain. I can at least have some peace of mind but still makes it a struggle. 

    The abandonment issues stem from my parents splitting up probably when I was one. Also my mom has a lot of issues with depression just like most of my moms family. They don’t take getting help seriously. Instead it’s more of there’s nothing you can do. I ended up growing up with my Grandparents because my mom had issues giving birth to my brother. At least that’s the story.

    Add a really bad breakup to the person I was closest to and just not really having much success with relationships. The sad thing is we have a weird deep connection. I think her childhood messed her up with being abused. I still think her mom is emotionally abusive. Her mom had cancer and she was taking care of her. Her dad was physically and emotionally abusive when she was young.

    Now you add me being really depressed and struggling after the breakup. It’s just a recipe for disaster. We sometimes keep in touch. It’s just not a good idea. Her being triggered by her childhood and me being triggered by the breakup and my depression. It makes no sense because I’m not really in a good place to meet anyone anyways. So I’m just trying to focus on myself. I just have to find a way to deal with missing her. 

    I don’t know I feel like I just write this for myself. It’s always really long so not really gonna have a lot of people read this. I guess I can’t please everyone. 

    Yes it's true that you can't please everyone. Because you are made that way. You are not created to please or to comply on everybody's needs. That is the hard reality. I know the feeling that you want other people to like you, and appreciate you. But before that, the first thing that you must do is to LOVE, and APPRECIATE yourself. You cannot prioritize other people and make them appreciate you if you can't prioritize yourself first. I am sorry if you will like this. But some people cannot be pleased, no matter how hard we try  😞 I was there. 

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