I know how that can be. Sorry for all of the drama in your CO's life, it wasn't fair to him and his public image.
I'm doing better by just avoiding this CO and I hope it fades. I often see him on my Facebook feed or book readers' IG feed, related to his show. Whenever I turn on Netflix I have to see the show's title, omg- I do this thing where I quickly close my eyes and click so I don't see it! Just to remove the temptation to keep watching the show. I only watched one episode. I already know that later on there are steamy scenes with him and a young beautiful co-actress, that's NOT something I wish to see for the sake of my marriage.
So, I come here tonight in genuine pain. It's probably just my mood adding to it, but I'm feeling really jealous and left out.
See, there's this community for this one CO and he even stops in from time to time (going back to being vague, but the regulars probably know). Anyway, tonight I found out there is a special section for "special" folks. It's something that I can't be a part of (not really anything wrong, i just can't for x y z). And it really makes me feel left out. Add to that the drama with a few other members, one with whom I am still friends with and another I no longer could be. It's not really gossipy, because people are trying to be respectful, but there was a time when some things got out there and I happened to see it. It REALLY hurts hearing some of these things about my friend, but the other concern is that they could be saying similar things about me too! Granted, I'm in a different situation, but I'm not naive; people find things. ...
but so I'm in the middle (kinda) trying to help my friend, but like I'm going mental worrying it's going to be me next or wondering what's happening behind the curtain, so to speak. Again, my mood just decided to drop today too, so like that doesn't help. But this isn't the first time I've sensed these things and felt this way...not even just this community either.
How is this about my CO?? Well, that's the other thing. He's been relatively quiet, and even the "special" people admit it (or wait, do they??)... and that is what's ******* me! In the beginning, I actually felt like I mattered. CO made me feel so, but now my fellow "friends" that came on with me for the first time too, are getting these "special" priveledges and it just makes me wonder if CO is spending time with just them...I mean, he already does this to some extent; stays in one section of the place most of the time and talks a lot to just a few... I FEEL LIKE A NOBODY AGAIN 😢 And I hate feeling this way, because the jealousy is only going to make me act more stupid or be all in my head... My friend took a break for her own good, but like some folks are happy about that... Do I need to take a break?...but then be completely forgotten and ignored and feel miserable every time I'm there?! (i'm spiraling. gonna end this. trying to stay above water, but it's still turbulant).