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About NitNat

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  1. I’m so sorry to hear about your job. Have you tried searching for your meds on ad link removed to find coupons? I would also ask your prescribing provider if they have any assistance programs. I work in inpatient (hospital) not outpatient, but I know we are able to sometime “brown bag” (aka give free prescription refills) medications for patients to get them through a couple rough months. It might be worth looking into since tapering while going through a depression trigger can get dangerous. Sending positive vibes your way.
  2. My cats name is Nat, and she has lots of nicknames Nit-Nat-Kitty-cat-give-a-dog-a-bone Natkintosh (like a Macintosh ) Natty-Pooh
  3. Disassociation is our bodies way of protecting ourselves, but can be such a slippery slope. Give yourself major credit, you are actively seeking other outlets and trying to connect with others on this platform. That is huge! disassociation can be a good thing in the moment, but I implore you to keep seeking connection and other coping mechanisms so that survival mode does not become a way of life for you. In case you haven’t heard it in a while, you are doing the best you can right now and that is ok. (That mantra has helped me slowly climb my way out of a survival mode way of life, and I hope it brings you hope and healing).
  4. I feel you friend, I experience the same thing. I think it’s part of the trap of having functional depression. The desire is there, but the fear and pain secretly hold me in place repeating the same daily motions. Survival mode and emotional preservation are hard to breakout of after experiencing a major betrayal. I found that forcing myself into situations out of my comfort zone where I am held accountable to others was my first step towards starting a new life (for example I started a new job that required me to contractually advance my degree within a certain time frame so that I could no longer allow my depression to talk myself out of going back to school). I’m hoping that with this step I will get closer to finding and accepting myself so I can live a life where I hold myself accountable to me and not to the acceptance of others.
  5. Out of curiosity do you identify as a third culture kid? Both my parents were raised in mission fields overseas and have struggled their entire adult life to find “home”. Trying to live in the states they never felt like they were understood or belonged despite my dad being an American and having lots of extended family in the US. Believe it or not ten years ago my dad took a work assignment to Cambodia, they ended up liking it so much they extended and have been there ever since. Being in a third world country feels comforting to them because that is how they were raised. Have you ever thought about living in a city with lots of German or European influences? Or even moving internationally?
  6. I can’t help but relate to you. Despite being fortunate enough to have a good job and be in a position where I can support myself, I struggle with feeling empty and numb. I’ve felt stuck in a rut for the last three years and have no idea how to get myself out or where to even begin, but I refuse to give up and force myself to carry on every day. Depression is a beast. You are not alone. I hope coming on here and giving a voice to your depression and struggle is the first step to finding your joy again
  7. I think it depends on the person you are waking up and going to bed to. When my ex husband became emotionally distant towards me I could be laying right beside him and feel a void and a clawing loneliness that tortured me. I knew he was cheating on me but didn’t want to know because I felt like the loneliness would **** me. Now time has passed and I live alone and still get lonely, but never the loneliness of laying next to someone you love that no longer loves you. I survived and came through and can say for me the loneliness of living alone and having freedom is nothing compared to the loneliness of being in the company of someone who has emotionally rejected you.
  8. How long were you on it? Just eight days, or have you not taken it in eight days? Everyone is different and some people metabolize different drugs faster or slower and have different underlying hormone regulation. If you have been off of them for eight days I would contact your prescribing provider for advice on safely weaning off, symptoms may become worse as more of the med is metabolized out of your system. It is definitely possible to begin withdrawals from mirtazipine after eight days without it after previously taking it for an extended period. That one can be really harsh to come off of so please be safe and reach out to your provider.
  9. Lately my job has been causing me so much anxiety I wake up almost every hour in the night until my 0430 alarm goes off. I have such a love hate relationship with my job... I’m an RN in a hospital and love to help others, but often work with not enough resources and constantly have to be in a reactive state. I struggle with self worth and have issues not tying it to my patients outcome and satisfaction, even though logically I know that is more times than not out of my control. I feel so emotionally drained by the time I come home I have no desire for self care or to interact with others.
  10. I use to also feel shame surrounding taking medicine until my counselor explained that antidepressants were to people with depression as insulin is to a diabetic. I realized that the medicine was helping me to cope in the moment and is what I need at the time until I am strong enough to cope without it. Just like for a type 2 diabetic learning healthy eating and exercise habits, I need to learn self care and acceptance before I can start weaning off. I know it’s hard to talk to others, but I’m sure your family and friends would rather talk to you about the hard time you are having than know you are bottling it up inside and hurting yourself... You do not deserve to be hurt. When I struggle with thoughts so self loathing I repeat to myself “you are doing the best you can right now, and that is ok”. It reminds me to give myself grace and to accept where I am in life at the moment, knowing that I will not be here forever. I hope I can provide you some encouragement and let you know you are not alone.
  11. You are doing the best you can with the anxiety you are facing. Give yourself grace. You accomplished a college degree with crippling anxiety, that is something to be truly proud of. There is no shame in living with your parents at thirty while you search for stability. You are doing a good job. I would encourage you to set time aside to create a positive mantra for yourself as a soothing and encouragement tool. You are not alone friend, and the world is a better place with you in it.
  12. I feel for you. I caught my now ex husband cheating on me and was ultimately left for the other woman. Rejection of the one you trusted most changes you. To the point where I no longer trusted myself because of all the abuse and betrayal I turned a blind eye to. I catch myself seeing friends and even family as just companionship in the moment and having no real expectations from them. My fear of rejection has run away subsequent relationships because they feel as though I shut them out and become distant. As a coping skill I learn how to shut down and shut out, but now I’m working on trusting myself and loving myself so that hopefully one day I can fully trust and love someone else again in a healthy way.
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