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Everything posted by Svenetc

  1. Easier said than done ... I hit bottom 2 years ago - I thought and slowly climbed back upwards ... just to find out it was not bottom yet. I am tired of trying - Thanks for the nice post though !
  2. Sorry to read that ! You should be more than excited and I hope it gets to you before the weekend. I can read a lot of positive in your short post despite the "no excitement" and I can assure you I would be thrilled to even have something like that to look forward to.
  3. Inconclusive - that shout sum up the first week of this year I am tired of it though. I wish I could light up a fire within myself an feed of it. Maybe some other day. As the days go on I educate myself more about anxiety and I assume I have that. Friends pointed it out to me and now I want to deal with it and beat it. It will be a challenge for sure.
  4. I am wishing everyone a Merry Christmas . Despite all "our battles " I hope you can win some joy out of this holiday. I am thankful for the past year. I found this forum and I found precious encouragement within here. Between here and a Chat site I attend daily I managed to live with my situation differently than a year ago. So thank you all and have a good Christmas - make the best possible out of it .
  5. Hi, I suppose you would not ask that question if you would not care. So despite any other issues. Do it - send her a message. You won't be able to bring your mom back when she is gone. Not everything , but almost everything can be helped and fixed. Always takes two. So I would encourage you to do so and wish her Happy Holidays
  6. As long as it is in a positive way - Good for you My things usually go from one the the next thing as well ... not fixing stuff- but life in general. Sometimes it brings a smile onto my face and sometimes causes sort of anxiety. Wish the " unexpected" would make up it's mind
  7. I wish you all the strength to battle that entire situation and I am positive you will have that mastered some day. You seem like you can do it. But the irritable part I sadly can relate to and do not know how to handle it either. It goes by the day. Some are fine some are bad. It is not that I feel irritated towards others - just myself and the situation I am battling for almost 2 years now. But sometimes there is a light and I latch on to the rays and cling on. ( I know it is just a said "thing" but that is what it feels like ). It makes me smile internally and create hope and faith for the next day.But the next "glitch" ...I find myself at square one. .. that is what sucks... every time
  8. I know what you are going through ... I just sat here a few minutes ago and wondered what I will "say" (type) to get my point across in my own situation because I am just un-voluntarily stuck I finally typed it , read it over and over and finally sent it. I have no therapist or such - just a bunch of nice people around me and I want to move on so bad. But I hesitated to "push" for relief. Now I just did. I will see if I even get a response. But at least I did make a move - knowing that I wanted to do that for several month. I wish you best of luck on your task
  9. worse feeling to have ... sorry to read . Hope you get that shaken off
  10. I hate them days , but I can for sure relate. You feel restless, have stuff you would like to do and yet you are bored out of your mind. The only " cure " that I have found is to stay 100% occupied. For me it is work. So I sign up for overtime any chance possible. Since July I was off for 2 days. The rest I worked. It helps me. Financially anyway, but I have no time to sit and think and get bored. The weather I believe is innocent, although it "sucks" right now and going forward for the next 6 month.... not looking forward to that
  11. But we do ladysmurf .... and we are not doctors .... but we kinda know how you feel. maybe we do. I hope you cling on to hope and find relief
  12. Hi Duck - Happy weekend to you as well. Hope you feel better soon. That thinking of happy moments in the past thing is not working for me. It has an adverse effect. Makes thinking worse. I always look at my "Now" and try to get out of that box to see what is out there in the "future". Reason that works for me best is - the past happened and I can't change or lay back on. But the future I can control by any action I take. So that is my go-to option. Have a great Saturday Duck .... and hopefully you get your "ducks" in a row at your terms soon
  13. You have all reason to be proud of you ! Congrats ! You mastered the downs of life so far and advanced outside of that "bubble" Happy for you !
  14. I sure hope it helps you. I am not familiar with medications and avoid them whenever I can. But if it provides relief for you maybe it is worth a shot. Wish you best of luck
  15. Thanks sober I am actually the same way. I do not decorate because it is a certain time or holiday. I used to pick up stuff at random and use it to decorate. Irritated the hell out of people sometimes but who cares. For example I bought a palm tree and my cat back when chewed off all the leafs ... 5 years later I still had that tree with no leafs but a rope light. I am weird like that. I used to buy fabric and fishing line and create an artificial cloud on my ceiling. All stuff I used to do and never felt weird or bad. Now it is just strange because my kids come here and my house looks the same all year around. No decorations anymore and no personality. Just like me. One event took all out of me and I try to shake that off for almost 2 years now ... That is why I am in here. And all of you are very inspirational. I am thankful for that
  16. It does not fit anywhere...so I post here I suppose .... Hi all, I just wonder and maybe it is off topic. But I wonder - do you decorate your houses and homes when you feel all down and depressed ? I used to decorate for all the holidays when there was a whole family. Now that it is just me and my cats I have no desire - although I miss it. Granted my cats would love decorations ( especially a Christmas tree ) and my youngest son would not mind even though he is 16 ,but love a great ambient surrounding. But it seems like I lost interest doing it for myself. If you do decorate, does it elevate your spirit? or ... Does it take you down memory lane and you sink deeper into being sad and depressed ? I hesitate to try and find out. But Halloween is here, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years just in sight. Thanks
  17. Sorry you feel that way and deal with it anyway. I love fires.... small or big. I it is burnable I set it on fire. I have a big yard and my fire pit is way away from house or other things. It has just a calming and entertaining effect on me. Sorry it is not your "game" especially if you can hardly handle it to begin with. Get some rest and ease you mind
  18. I am sorry to read that. But I am doing the same. And I know my triggers. That is somehow good but also causes an over protective behavior. I try to avoid the triggers but sometimes I just can't escape. It sucks knowing that is being "ok" is ass good as it get's. Wish I could say I feel great, happy,excited, normal and free in mind and spirit. As long as I carry my triggers around in my thoughts I will not be able to do so. Breaking out that cycle seems to be the key.
  19. To speak in your "pictures" .... I noticed that if my plane seems to go down I find all kind of mechanisms which engineers of life have built into me. Some work and some don't. However there is always air traffic control ( aka. the people I am surrounded by ) to stop that fall somehow. And so far they managed it. I hope you hang on tight to your "plane" and find all the features that will protect you. They are there. If I keep using your picture again.... there is usually a Co-Pilot and Flight Attendants on board with you.... so you have support Sober The crash does not have to happen
  20. Charlee, Yes ! I know you can gaslight yourself . I practice that every day and hate it. I deny myself to express emotions and thoughts and feelings. It is like wearing make-up . All just fake to "fit" at the moment and leave the wrong impression to please others. Only people that truly know me can see even through that make-up and know that if I say " I am doing fine " .... I actually do not. That when my own shield crumbles. But I have only a very few people in my life that can see, hear and read of what is going on. I did not even know what gaslighting is until a friend told me. And that is when I realized that I have been subject to exactly that for 18 years. 24/7 and I did not do nothing about it and evtl. lost myself. My identity was basically gone. Fighting your way out is probably hard, but writing - like in here - helps. Because nobody can see you and prevent you from doing so. And I do not have to wear " make-up " - not even a mask
  21. Charlee, it is sad to read how you feel. I know the feeling though. I " self-doctor " as well. But my issues are minor. I think I can handle it without actual help from outside. It helps me to be in here and read and interact more than attending any sessions somewhere or taking meds. Between work and my "social" life in here and a chat I can kinda live . But that low feeling hits me too all the time. Sometimes worse than other days. Just pulling through I suppose. The purpose of my existence I question all the time, but I believe that there is one and I will find out what it is someday. I hope you find a way to get help from any source. So that way you can write here in 11 years how that went and we will all be happy that your 10 year plan never succeeded
  22. Hi Nightjar I might believe sort of in them. Not like you see in movies or so - but I some sort of higher power. Just like Soulmates and Twin flames. To me they exist. Other then that - your post is saddening to read about how dependent you from your mom. I can only imagine how that would be. Hopefully you get on your own feet and take control over your life soon. I am not a praying person, but I send best wishes instead.
  23. I know what you are saying.... and I feel bad for you. I dealt with that for too many years. Being fake is not my thing. Keep my mouth and mind shut neither. But Hey ! favorite food right there. Eat up and at least enjoy that part And look forward to the next day, which is Monday - new week new chances, new game, new views. That is how I live anymore.
  24. Nightjar ... you got it not all wrong. I pay on my house as well. It is actually cheaper then renting. However I have not bought new stuff for myself either. Not clothes or furniture. Not because I do not work enough. But life screwed me all over by one persons choice. Now I pick up the rubble and figure it out. But I for sure not opt in for renting if I have a choice. Hopefully you can figure something out to get restful sleep and a peaceful environment and life. I know how important that is for sanity. If you find that I am pretty sure you can find room for personal development and money for clothes etc. Just a matter of time and luck/destiny. You need that guardian angel close by ! ... it is there ...I am pretty sure
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