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About Svenetc

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  1. That is the most awkward feeling to have ...isn't it ? You try and try and try and everything seems like the more you try it is getting even worse. But if you don;t try - you gave up. It is a viscous cycle
  2. It is going to be one of those days. Why - I do not even know, but yet I can feel it. So playing " low ball " and hanging on will be my solution for this day
  3. no kidding .... But starting from scratch is also an opportunity ...I have not found 'nor searched for that point in life yet ....but I am kind of excited to find it and get there - someday
  4. That is great for you if it makes you feel much better. Maybe that is what you need. I get to leave the house every day and be part of work. But other then that I do not feel part of anywhere. I know that I do not belong here. Never did. I am i the wrong spot.
  5. Since I feel the same way - do we make us to be an Outsider or are we made to become the Outsider by others ? I don't know. But I feel the same way. I have family, I have co=workers .... but it seems like I do not belong there. I am " outside". I do not do anything wrong or bad. I do not do drugs etc. I just do not fit in. That makes me a person always outside of any circle. Sometimes it feels ok to be that way and sometimes I just feel so darn alone. For an example ... if I get stuff at a store like Walmart or whatever ... before I even enter the store I feel observed and feel that I do not belong there. And all I want to do is get groceries.
  6. That is where I am at sober.... However , the doctor you should see if something is not right. It is the most embarrassing feeling afterwards, if you get hauled out of work in front of all co-workers by the EMS just because I thought " I got this" ..... I do not trust most people anymore, but have to surrender some of "me" to some degree for my own good. I do not wear makeup ( that would be a hilarious day ) but I cover up my true inside.
  7. That sounds like great idea .... Most days I wonder what is the purpose to wake up, go to work, come home and wait for bedtime. But that is why I am in places like here.... to get input on how to fix that train of thoughts. Because I want something different than what I live right now. I want my life back.
  8. Not good .... I ended in the ER 3 times , not even knowing how I got there. My issues are not related to weight but my " inner self ". So if I do not eat it is self punishment. It does no good . I have to teach myself how to eat steady and ' normal" ( not working all the time though ).... and I assume that is what you have to do as well .... no starving and than binge ... just steady and "normal" .... I am not a doctor or know anything about it , but it sounds rational
  9. Don't be ! .....That is life. Seems like you could use a major change in life to kick the " calorie habit" ... I can go for days without food and regret it later, but I know why.- I know the root cause and I am trying to fight the urge to not eat over the need to eat. I paid high prices for my choices 3 time in 8 years and it was never pretty. I do not have your shoes on my feet, I do not need to lose weight or so. But I truly believe it is a mind set. That is why I am here and read what other people post and write. It can be inspirational . Sorry if it makes no sense....
  10. This is exactly where I am at. I just went to work and only stayed for 2 hours. ( I can kinda flex around with my days and hours ) . I left a note stating that my mind is just not there today. Everyone thinks and tells me that all will get better - and sometimes I believe it and feel like it - , but it does not happen. I always get pulled back to reality by just having a wrong thought at the wrong time. I flip from "happy" to devastated in a matter of a minute. It really sucks because I can't control my thoughts. All it takes is a trigger and I am done for the day.. That can be a word, a picture or just a random thought.
  11. Sorry you feel that way ! Same here though.... it is going to be one of those days.....Don't know what to think or what to do. I hate that feeling
  12. But sometimes you have to change the blades or it would be a blurry vision . I wipe all the time, but it just takes one drop of "life's rain" and I can't see. So I need to get new blades or better yet make a bold change.
  13. Same question ...... have no answer though ... you just keep going ...... at least for your kids and yourself. I do it for my kids. Keep going
  14. I know that feeling very well - maybe we came of that flying saucer ....I have to ask my parents about that ....lol ... I fit in my job, I fit at work, I fit as a father, I fit as a friend ... but I do not fit into expectations of so called "society" because I like music that is not their style, eat foods they do not like, have belief in things that do not require a church to go to. That is why I also do not answer my door. To have me answer the door in any way is by gaining trust .... and to do that most people are already overwhelmed. Because it will be a challenge anymore.
  15. I see your point of view ... I do not try to escape though ... I just look for a way to re-start and leave that depression behind. I so need that for a long time ... longer than I thought . I always denied and just catered. Now it will have to be " Me time " - time that I happily share but not deny myself.
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