Sol

BornLoser67 I'm so sorry for your pain. I remember feeling completely helpless, unable to negotiate the misery, deluged by negative feelings, insecurities and feelings of hopelessness in the early 80s. No psych unit had any answers, I was only 18. Fast forward to my 40s and I was still experiencing the grief of knowing I had not reached milestones others have taken for granted in life. It is really easy to feel that people do not understand. I get it. Other people get married and have children and we think they have forgotten us, because their lives are full of 'living'. We feel like we have been left behind. Then I got depression a second time 8 years ago, through a highly stressful period of employment that ended when I walked out of my job, lost my boyfriend and the house I was living in, and even my car. I can tell you, it only got easier this time round when I went on medication that helped me calm down my mind and emotions. That doesn't mean that the issues you are feeling are not valid or real, but keep asking for help, and if you are not on medication, consider trying it. And don't feel at all like you are weak for asking for help either, because you matter as much as anyone else.

After two lockdowns of weeks at a time here in Melbourne, I found myself not feeling like going outside at all, and I completely failed all of my Tafe classes which I found incredibly hard doing remotely. My sleep patterns destroyed my class time online, and I have experienced such a complete lack of motivation following this that I don't wish to repeat classes until the following year (2022) until they have classes "in class", which i find much better. I am actually at a loss to explain why my motivation is so much lower, save for the effects of lockdown, but am about to ask my doctor to consider taking me off Mirtazapine (60mg) just for the change and hopefully the improvement. It goes without saying I would be much more upset about everything if I wasn't on an SSRI drug for MD. I found it helped me a lot with my mother's death and funeral, and I coped better than my non depressed sister that day. I still had break-through crying fits in public, but compared to previous depression not on Mirtazapine it has been manageable. The complete lack of motivation is definitely a downturn in my mood situation and very worrying. When I first went on Mirtazapine in 2013, I experienced violent hypnopompic hallucinations on waking now and then (very disturbing) and I definitely had RLS and night terrors where I woke feeling like the room was filled with spider webs (in the dark - not literally seeing webs like in a lit room), and that all settled down over the next 12 months. Where to go from here though? Has anyone else felt a worsening of their motivation after lockdowns?