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Erudinam

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  1. Καλησπέρα. μήπως θα βοηθουσε να σε δει ψυχίατρος? Νομίζω οι ιδεοψυχαναγκαστικές διαταραχές είναι κυρίως θέμα ψυχιάτρου.
  2. 2,5 years ago, I was some meters away from home. Ocd was telling me to return home to get some other, clean paper napkins that I had on my kitchen counter that night, in order to use them instead for a compulsion, because the ones that I already had were ruined from water. I did not want to do another compulsion so I tried to make a fake promise to God about not returning to get napkins in order to use the fear of the punishment in case of breaking the promise by doing the compulsion, to ensure that I will not do the compulsion and to make my ocd shut up by scaring it. I never wanted to make such a promise. It was just a fake promise in order to scare my ocd, I had already explained to God before, that these promises are not real. Ocd knew the trick of the fake promises so it kept bugging me. I was dizzy and tired from anxiety. As if I was drunK! I was forced to try and make a real promise in order to make my ocd shut up. I started saying the promise aloud and a punishment was asked in case breaking it. I think before finishing the promise, I canceled it and explained to God that I do not want to make promises and it is my ocd's fault. What if the promise was not canceled? What if other Gods accepted it if in case Christian God is not real? What if other Gods do not care about my ocd? 1,5 years after that, I was living in my new home which is in a different area than the one in the promise. I was some meters away from it. Ocd forced me to return home to get some used water bottles in order to dispose them outside. Probably, after putting the bottles into a garbage bag/bags, I noticed some other trash that needed to be disposed and ocd forced me to clean my whole apartment by picking the trash and putting them into the bags. i disposed the bags outside. What if some of the trash that I rushly picked and put into the bags were paper napkins from a delivery store? The canceled promise was something about not returning home to get paper napkins. I cant remember the exact words. Probably I used some words that made the promise to count only for that moment/circumstance only. But I cant remember. So i am not sure. What if my were were more generic? I remember visualising the promise while making it and I think I even pointed to the direction of my old house. Does that mean that the promise (if it counted), it counted only for my old house/moment/circumstance?
  3. I used to fight ocd compulsions by making promises to Christian God and asking for punishment in case breaking them, that I wont do certain ocd compulsions. I was trying to use the fear of punishment to force myself stop doing the compulsions because it was the only way to stop. Like threating myself with a punishment from God in order to stop doing the tiring compulsions. Mostly, these promises were intrusive, semi-controlled thoughts. Almost, automatical but sometimes, I had some control over them. I mean, they were not 100% uncontrolled. I did not want to make these promises. It was just, a trick to persuade my ocd to leave me alone. Whenever I had in my mind thougots of promises/punishments, my ocd would automatically, stop bugging me. I explained to God that I am doing those promises because of my ocd and that a REAL promise would count ony if I would understand what I am doing, if I would really, mean it and if I would validate the promise by doing the cross sign 3 times. I said that in order to make myself stop worrying for rushed promises, because sometimes, even though I was able to make my ocd stop bugging me to do the compulsions (thanks to those promises), I would then, worry for accidentally, breaking those promises. Now, I remember that ocd was telling me to do a certain ocd compulsion and I was tired. I probably, had some intrusive thoughts about a promise that I will never bother myself with that compulsion. I think, I remember walking away from that compulsion and accidentally, looking back at it. I remember worrying that I may have broken the promise just because I looked at it. I think, I remember saying something like that the promise will start counting AFTER i leave the area. Thats all that I remember from that day. I do not even remember what the compulsion was about. But I remember that I was anxious becauase I looked at it and started worrying that I may have broken the promise. I probably, forget it easily because they were just, random intrusive thoughts. (no real promise) However, there were times that when something was falling from my pocket or I thought that it may have fallen, I was a little anxious to turn around to see what it was. Automatically, I was getting a bad feeling like "I must not do it". All this time, I never analyzed that bad feeling. I just, considered it as typical ocd worry from the past. The last days, I started remembering the source of that bad feeling (must not turn around) and I remembered these stuff that I mentioned on the third paragraph. I worry for two things: - 1) What if the promise was not intrusive thoughts but a real, fast prayer about a REAL promise? what if I rushly, validated it by doing the cross sign 3 times and then, forgot it? - 2) What if they were just, intrusive thoughts and because of me worrying that I may have broken the promise just, by looking at it, I did the cross signs in order to ask for forgiveness while on the same time, I was saying/thinking that the promise will count after I leave the area? I mean, what if it looked like as if I was validating the promise? I think, I would not dare to validate any promise, but there was a time after that, that I ALMOST, validated one but I stoped in the last moment. What if that time, I did not stop? How I could forget a real promise? I am worrying for a real promise, because now, that I remembered that event, I get a bad feeling. I have a good memory and I remember, other less important-worrying intrusive thoughts that they are what they are: INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS (no real promies). Wouldn't I remember a real promise? I worry for 2 other reasons: - 1) If I made a real promise and said that I will never bother myself with that compulsion again, what if I broke the promise just, because I started analyzing it or writting about it on reddit? - 2) I was on my bed yesterday and I was trying to remember the "must not turn around" feeling. Automatically, I warned myself that I should not imitate the "turn around" while trying to remember, because it may break the promise. Suddenly, while thinking about it, I got an itch on my left ear and somehow, my body turned left and I started scratching it. I do not know if I just, did because of the sudden itch or if subconsciously my body/mind wanted to imitated the "turn around". So, I worry that I may have made a real promise that was accepted by other Gods if in case Christian God is not real, and that I may have broken it just, because I thought about it or just, because I may have been influenced by it to turn my body to the left in order to scratch my ear. I am worrying because I may have asked for a specific punishment in case breaking the promise. I will tell you a similar example. Lets say that someone asks to be punished by having his nose to become twice bigger but unable to see it. So, when he looks in the mirror, he sees his usual size nose but in reality, its twice bigger! All other can see it, except him!So, it is like an invisible punishment. I worry that I may have broken a real promise (that I forgot) and asked for that punishment. So, almost, every 1-2 minutes I get intrusive thoughts that are telling me: ocd: what if you got punished? what if right now, you have been punished with that invisible punishment? What if right now, everyone sees that you are uglier?
  4. 2.5 years ago, I used to fight my ocd by making rushed promises to Christian God about not doing the compulsions and asking for punishment in case breaking them in order to use the fear of punishment to force myself stop doing compulsions. i did not want to make promises, it was just a way to find some relief from my ocd. There was a time that I remember being anxious as if I may have made a promise or as if I broke one. I cant remember if really, made one or if I was having uncontrolled thoughts (intrusive) about a promise. What if it was a real prayer (real promise)? I now, worry that maybe other Gods (nonspecific) accepted that hypothetical promise if in case Christian God is not real. I have tried to make clear in the past, that I do not want to make promises and that I am making them because of my ocd. I tried to make clear that a promise would count only if I understand what I am doing, if I mean it and if I validate it by doing the cross signs 3 times. About that hypothetical promise. I cant remember if I did the cross sign 3 times. I'cant remember if it was a real prayer about a promise or if they were just, intrusive thoughts about a promise. I remember being very anxious. It was 2.5 years ago. I worry that by trying to remember that event or writing about it in reddit, I may have broken that hypothetical promise. Why? If I made one, I may have said that I will never bother myself with that. (that compulsion). By trying to remember if I made one, maybe broke the hypothetical promise and counted as if I bothered myself with it? I just, have some memories of me being anxious about a compulsion and walking away and looking back (accidentally) and then, worrying that by looking the compulsion may have broken the promise or something like that. I am not sure. I cant remember if it was just, intrusive thoughts or a real promise. I remember one other time, I passed something on the street and ocd was telling me to check it and I got a bad feeling. A "must not do it". Probably, because returning to check it was written in my subconscious as something wrong/bad. And some other times, if something was falling from my hands and was behind me, I was worrying to turn around to see what fell or something like that. Probably, all those bad feelings came from that time that there was a compulsion and I was worrying about something. I just, cant remember if I made a promise (real or just, intrusive thoughts) about not redoing the compulsion or not bother myself with it ever again. I remember some intense worrying that time. Worrying because of a real promise in form of prayer? I do mot think so. I remember a a memory like a very short gif of me looking back and then, worrying. Somehow it feels as if it fits. Probably intrusive thoughts about a promise and then, accidentally looking back the compulsion and worrying that I may have broken the "fake" promise. I cant remember doing the cross signs to validate any real promise or praying about a promise for real. Still, I worry. What if I made a real promise and validated it?
  5. I am worrying about getting older. I am almost, 29 years old, and it seems to me that people are having less fun as they get older. Getting married, (flirting stops), having children (more duties). It seems to me that the future is becoming more boring and more boring. And despite that, I also worry about: What if we are living in a simulation? I have read weird experiences from people like teleporting cats, people appearing from nowhere, vaninshing items etc. As if there is a glitch in a matrix. There is a subreddit about it. What if there is God or Gods who are evil or not so good? What if I may have made a promise to Christian God in which a specific punishment was asked, due to ocd, and if in case He is not real. this hypothecal promise was accepted by other Gods who do not care about my ocd? What happens when we die? What if it is a bad place? What if we will be alone? what if we never see our loved ones?
  6. 2,5 years ago, I used to kiss the door of a church because ocd was telling me to do it. That door had something like a rust, or discoloration and ocd was telling me to kiss that part in order to prove to God that I am trusting Him etc. One time, I kissed that part but due to anxiety, I did it fast as if I was worrying to kiss the rust/discoloration part. Ocd started telling me that it may seem as a mockery to God because it may seem as if I am trying to prove to Him that I am trusting Him by kissing that part while on the same time, I try not to kiss it too much. So, I was forced to kiss again that part, more time, and in order to prove that I am trusting Him, I started licking that part. I started worrying that by putting saliva in the door may anger God and I was worrying that maybe I will be punished with a specific punishment. I think, I bought a bottle of water and used some water on my t-shirt in order to clean the door. I think, the next day or a day near the next, I was trying to repeat the same compulsion. I was getting a bad feeling as if I should not do that. Ocd kept bugging me to do it but also, not to do it the same time. I rushly, did it because I did not want to analyze it. After doing it, I started worrying that the previous time that I was there and cleaned the door, I may have made a promise that I will never do it again and maybe asked for that specific punishment in case breaking it in order to make sure that I will never do it again. I think, I would not dare to make such a promise. Maybe due to ocd and anxiety, I had some intrusive thoughts about it but I think, I never prayed to make a real promise. Why I felt that bad feeling that day? Could it be that I made a real promise and I forgot it? I would not dare to make such a promise but what if I was forced by my ocd? Wouldn't I remember it? Maybe it is just, an ocd hypothesis that looked real. What if there are Gods, if in case Christian God is not real, that do not care about my ocd and accepted that promise?
  7. 2,5 years ago, due to ocd, I ended up doing different compulsions. I could not ignore my ocd. I wanted some relief from it. I decided to make promises to Christian God not to do the compulsions and asking for punishment in case breaking it, in order to ensure that I will not do the compulsions. I was just, using the fear of the punishment in order to be forced to ignore my ocd. I just, wanted relief. I did not want to make promises. But due to anxiety, I was forced to try and make one because ocd was not leaving me alone! One time, I prayed to God and tried to make clear that I do not want to make promises and that I am doing them because of my ocd. I tried to make clear that a promise would count only if I understand what I am trying to do, if I mean it and if I validate it by doing the cross sign 3 times. So, compulsions out of nowhere started appearing. I will give you a kinda like example of what my thinking was: - ocd: do the compulsion! - me: no! - ocd: do it! - me: I wont. leave me alone! - ocd: do it! do it! do it! - me: stop! - ocd: do it! do it! - me: oh yeah? (at that moment, I make a promise to God and ask for a punishment if I do the action of the compulsion.) - ocd: do NOT do the compulsion! you made a promise to God! - me: yeah! glad we agree! It was a period that I was afraid of a specific punishment. I remember having some compulsions while being afraid of that punishment. I worry that I may have been so tired from those compulsions and that I maybe have tried to make a real promise and asking as a punishment that specific punishment in order to force myself stop doing that compulsions. That was 2,5 years ago, and I cant remember trying to mean or validate any promise. In that state that I was, I would not dare to even think about the word punishment. I maybe had some intrusive thoughts about promises but I do not think I ever tried to make a real and validate it. What if I was so anxious that I tried to make such a promise and then, tried to validate it? What if I was so sure of myself that this would save me from worries and that I would remember it but then, I forgot it? What if there are Gods if in case Christian God is not real, that do not care about my ocd and accepted those HYPOTHETICAL promises? Why I cant remember them? If in case there was a real promise and validated it, do you think Gods accepted them? I maybe tried to mean them but I did not want to. It was because of my ocd. What if Gods do not care about my ocd and accepted them? Now, let me tell you about the punishment. I have a body dysmorphic disorder. The punishment was about that. I will give kinda a similar example of my worry. Lets say that someone makes a real promise to Gods and asks to be punished by becoming bald and unable to see his baldness. When he looks in the mirror, he sees his hair but in fact, he is bald. All other can see that he is bald, except him. So, my ocd got me into worrying for hypothetical scenarios and for something that I maybe will never find out if I got punished, because it is an invinsible punishment. In the past, I experienced coincidences that I used to worry that they maybe were signs from Christian God telling me that I got punished. My faith to Jesus is almost, lost. I worry that there could be other Gods who could be not mentioned in other religions. I read about experiences from people living strange events as if we are living in a matrix and that the matrix maybe have glitched. Vanishing items, people appearing out of nowhere etc. Could it be that we are living in a matrix and these are glitches? I have what ifs in my mind. What if I made a promise? What if I got punished? What if we are living in a matrix? What if there are other Gods who do not care about my ocd. What if those coincidences or some of them, were a sign? So, I ended up having depression, anxiety and thinking almost, every day about my ocd problem. My ocd is like: - ocd: What if you made a real promise and other Gods who do not care about your illness, accepted it? What if you asked for that specific punishment? What if They punished you with what you asked?
  8. I am writing a list of coincidences that I suspected that they were a negative sign from God. My ocd fear has to do with making promises and asking punishment from God. 1) I was in my bed, 2 years ago. I asked from God a specific sign to happen, if in case, lets say, my ocd is right. I asked something like if my ocd is right, to hear a door opening/closing in the building that I used to live, then. The sound in order to be considered as a sign, should be heard til 5 seconds pass, since I ask it. If the sound happens after 6 or more seconds, it wont be considered as a sign. I asked for that sign and even though, I changed my opion about it due to a possible coincidence, I heard someone unlocking his/her door apartment. it was before the 5-second rule. Since, then, I would find myself between sleep and awake, and I would have the very first thought of the day. Randomly, with my eyes still closed from sleep, I was having random thoughts like " door sound, i will hear a door" etc. And after some 5-10 seconds, I would hear a door. That happened more than 5 times, I guess. It was as if my mind was predicting that i will hear a door. It was not a dream. I suppose, my subconscious was scared by the door coincidence, and in my sleep, I would hear sounds that are similar to door. For example, even calling the elevator would sound as a heavy door closing. If someone unlocks his/her door aparment and then, closes the door, I would hear it in my sleep and get the random thought "door sound, door sound" then, I would hear the man/woman calling the elevator which sounds like a door closing with force, so, I guess that created the misunderstanding that I was predicting a door sound, every morning. 2) I was praying and had my eyes closed. In the blackness, I was thinking about my ocd fear and that, created an image. That image was a japanese monster that I watched, randomly, on internet days ago. I opened my eyes, and started looking random stuff in facebook. After 5-10 minutes, I saw an article about that monster that it popped in my mind while I was praying. it was the first time, that I saw it on facebook. 3) I was watching a video. the guy was talking about a symbol. I heard him saying the word sign, but was not sure. I decided to close the video because my mind started thinking stuff like " I will hear it again and it will be a bad, scary coincidence, i better close it" I wa ready to close the site but my new thoughts stopped me. I was thinking " what if when i close the video, I will hear the guy saying the word "sign" as the last word before closing the video? that would be scary" I just wanted to close the video because I did not want to hear the word "sign" and when I tried to close it, i stopped because I feared that I would hear the word "sign" as the last word before closing it. So, I waited some seconds in order for the guy to somehow, change the subject and when I felt that it was the right moment to close it, I closed it, very fast, and uninentionally, without knowing that he will say the word "sign" I closed it with him saying the word "sign" as the last word. It was so unlikely to happen. The guy was speaking fast. If I had closed the video 1 second earlier, I would never have heard it. But I was so unlucky that I closed it randomly, when he was saying the word "sign" I know he said that word because I op How my mind predicted that I would hear the word "sign" as the last word before closing the video? I checked it and the guy indeed was saying the word "sign" and I am worried because if I have closed the video 1 second earlier or later, this scary coincidence would never happen. how you explain that? 4) A coincidence happened in youtube, with a video game character from Mortal Kombat, known as Scorpion. He transformed to a scorpion and i do not remember, exactly but that generated a random thought like " I guess, Scorpion will give me some worries about my whole ocd-coincidence case" I was playing Mortal Kombat 4 after a very long time, and the first opponent was Scorpion. I lost the match, and it the moment that Scorpion was to give me the finishing strike. I got a random thought like " i hope he wont transform to a scorpion" and he did! first match and he transformed to a scorpion. i was playing against the computer. there are many other moves that could computer use in order to finish me, and the computer choose to transform to a scorpion. that is not so common when playing against a computer. I fought him again and lost again. I was thinking " I hope he does not transform to a scorpion 2 times in a row because that would be very rare" and yes, he transformed to a scorpion again. 2 times in a row! I was watching a youtube video with a collection of all mortal kombat finishing moves. It was about 1 or 2 hours. I randomly, clicked the timeline in a random second. It was the second that the Scorpion character was transforming to a scorpion! That was about 7 seconds. So, from all 60-120 minutes of the video, I randomly, clicked on the 7-second scene of scorpion? 5) My ocd fear is about asking punishment from God so i was thinking about a similar example. I was thinking that if someone would have asked from God to lose his arm in an accident, that would never happen. that calmed me down but 1 minute later, I saw someone in the street with one arm only. was that a sign from God to tell me that I should be afraid of what my ocd says? 6) I ended up having random sound coincidences with other daily sounds, similar to the door sound. Like car alarms and dog barking. I would be thinking about my ocd and then, I would have random thoughts like " i hope i wont hear a door or a dog or a car alarm" and yes, i would hear one of these things. many times. I would be writing about the door coincidence in the internet and I would get a random thought like "I hope i wont hear a door sound, now tha i am writing the word "door" because that would be a scary" and yes, i was hearing a door sound. 7) I was having a scary thought for many days. i was thinking "what if one day, I hear these 3 sounds (dog,alarm,door) together? that would be super scary" One day, i was thinking about my ocd and randomly, a dog barked. I thought " just a dog, i would be scared only if it was the 3 sounds together" the dog kept barking for a minute and suddenly, I hear a car alarm ringing the same time with the elevator sound. The elevator sound, sounds like a heavy door closing so, it can be considered as the 3 sounds happening together. I was in a different neighborhood, and I heard a car alarm the same time with a door opening/closing in the building. i remembered the 3-sound coincidence and I was like " the only thing we miss now is a dog" and a dog started barking. I was writing many times, on internet, about these coincidences. One afternoon, a friend that knows nothing of my problem, send me a spam message. he wanted to complain that I always cancel when we arrange something. the message was like " Coincidences are good but is it a coincidence that I agree? everytime we arrange to go out, you cancel it, is that a coincidence" I freaked! why he randomly, used the word "coincidence" 9) An internet user, suggested me 3 books related to my ocd problem, somehow. I was not interested in these books and as I was ready to close the site, i got a thought like "what if there is a sign hidden in these books? choose one of them" I randomly, searched one of the three books, for its summary in wikipedia. The ending was almost, 80% my ocd fear and the summary was using words-phrases that I used to describe my ocd fear. was that a coincidence? my mind predicted that I would find something there and then, indeed I found something related to my ocd fear so much? 10) A friend of mine was speaking about the thiefs that steal wallets from random people. I was thinking about my ocd fear and got a random thought like " Perhaps, we are cursed from God" and at that moment, I hear my friend saying " the thief curses when he steals a wallet that it is empty due to the economy crisis" was that a coincidence? 11) I read the word "curse" on internet and I hear from the tv, which was playing a scooby-doo episode, saying something like " he was cursed" i freaked and the tv kept saying " his worst nightmare came true" 12) I entered the room in which the tv was open. It was a show about mythology. The narrator was saying a story. When I walked in the room, I heard the narrator saying " She cursed herself and the sea and asked from God to be transformed to stone and God granted her wish" That was my ocd fear! asking a punishment from God. I was writing about that coincidence on the internet and as I was thinking to write " Was that a coincidence or not" I hear my grandma saying to my father something like '' these are signs" was that a coincidence again? 13) I was staying in an airbnb apartment. I was looking the bookcase that had a few books. after some time, I looked it again, and had a book with the title "THE SIGN OF GOD" i did not freak because it was a time that I started ignoring my ocd and was thinking less about the whole coincidence-thing. But still, why i did not saw that book when I checked for the first time? can someone explain to me, what he/she thinks of these coincidences one by one. These coincidences are the reason that I cant just ignore my ocd that easily. Because coincidences happen that perhaps, tell me that my ocd is right and I should worry about it.
  9. My ocd is about worrying for breaking HYPOTHETICAL promises to Gods in which maybe a specific curse/punishment was asked in case breaking them. I say hypothetical because I cant remember making them. The reason of promises could have been that ocd was telling me to do a compulsion while I did not want to do it. So, maybe I tried to make a rushed promise to Christian God and maybe if in case He is not real, other Gods accepted the promises that were about not doing the compulsions. Maybe a specific curse/punishment was asked to force myself not to do the compulsion. I was trying to use the fear of the curse/punishment to ensure that I wont do the compulsion. I do not remember if they were random, uncontrolled. rushed intrusive thoughts about making a promise or real prayers. What if there were real promises but I forgot them? I would not dare to make a such a scary promise/deal but still, I worry.
  10. For example, I know some people want to have order etc and I find it an easy compulsion to be stopped. Even though for those people it is not. My ocd is about accidentally, breaking a deal with Gods in which I may have asked a specific curse as a punishment in order to use the fear of the curse to force myself NOT to do ocd compulsions. What do you think about my ocd? Would it scare you if you were in my position? Maybe by telling me why you would feel if you were in my position, it will make me realise that I do not need to worry so much.
  11. 2,5 years ago, ocd was telling me to do certain compulsions. I did not want to do them but yet, I could not ignore ocd or stop myself from doing them. I wanted relief. I found a way to make ocd to leave me alone by making promises to Christian God and asking for punishment in case breaking them in order to use the fear of the punishment to force myself not do the compulsion. The fear of the punishment was bigger than the fear of NOT doing the compulsion. Since the promise was forcing me NOT to do the compulsion, the fear of the punishment/promise wins and the fear of not doing the compulsion loses. And ocd could not persuade me to do the compulsion because the fear of the punishment was bigger. It was just, a way to trick my ocd into leaving me alone. One day, I prayed to Christian God I think, and tried to make clear that I do not want to make promises, that it was a way to ignore my ocd. I tried to make clear that a promise would count only, if I would understand what I am promising, if I would mean it and if I would validate it by doing the cross sign 3 times. I tried to separate real promises from ocd ones. If in case Christian God is not real, what if other Gods heard and accepted that prayer? One day, intrusive thoughts about a specific curse appeared in my mind. That made my ocd worse. One day, I started worrying that I may have broken a rushed, promise to Christian God, in which a specific curse was asked in case breaking it. I cant remember making a promise/asking for a curse. I remember having a really, bad feeling as if I may have broken a promise. I cant remember a promise. I remember older, intrusive thoughts about promises but I cant remember any real promise. Could it be that I forget it? In the state that I was I think, I would not dare to make a promise and asking for a curse. Mayb they were just, intrusive thoughts but I cant remember. That was 2,5 years ago. My ocd now makes an hypothetical scenario that I may have made a real promise and tried to validate it by doing the cross sign 3 times. I doubt that I dared to make a real promise, validated it and then, forgot it! But still, why I worried to so much? My ocd tells me that maybe I broke a real promise that I cant remember and maybe I was cursed just, because I maybe asked for a specific curse in case breaking it. I will tell you a maybe similar example to the curse. Lets say that someone breaks a real promise in which he asked to be cursed by becoming bald but be unable to see his baldness. When he looks in the mirror, he sees his usual hair but he is actually, bald! All others can see that he is bald except him. =. One time, I prayed to Christian God and asked for a sign to know if I was cursed/punished in the way that I feared that I maybe was. I asked as a bad sign to hear someone opening/closing their aparment's door til I count to a specific second. I think, it was 5. As soon as I asked it, I wanted to cancel it but before even, trying to finish my word, I heard someone unlocking his/her door. Many coincidences happen but I think that was one of the scariest coincidence. I think, I asked that sign for a different hypothetical broken promise but now, that I remembered all these, what if it was a sign for that hypothetical promise that I cant remember? I have some memories around that event but I cant remember any promise. Maybe some rushed, intrusive thoughts but NO PROMISE. As I said, I remember older random, intrusive thoughts (no real promises) but I cant remember any real promise regarding that event. Not even, intrusive thoughts. The reason I worry is because I felt as if I had broken a promise. I cant remember if I remembered the promise after breaking it or it was just, a scary hypothesis that seemed possible mixed with some intrusive thoughts. I know that it is ocd. But sometimes, I cant ignore when ocd is telling me stuff similar to these: " What if right now I am punished/cursed with that way?" "what if the people that are looking me now, see the curse/punishment on my face and I cant see it?" "what if my ocd is right?" "maybe Christian God is not real. What if the promise was accepted by other Gods who do not care about ocd, and cursed me?"
  12. My ocd is telling that I may have broken a rushed promise/deal in which I may have asked for a specific curse in case breaking it. I will tell you an example similar to this curse maybe. Just an hypothetical scenario: Someone has broken a rushed, promise to Gods because of his ocd in which he asked (in case breaking it) to be cursed by becoming bald but unable to see his baldness. When he looks in the mirror he sees his usual hair but he is actually, bald. All other people see that he is bald except him. He is cursed. Do you thinks this is rational? If not, why?
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