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Starfish139

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  • Birthday 09/30/1975

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    chris48chevy
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  1. Yes.... I was talking about a hospital... I have to get my referral today from my psychiatrist... My sleep has been terrible.... And have had some anger outbursts..I wake up atleast once every 2 hours... Last night I went to bed about 10:30 and up at 2:45 wide open.... Writing journal entries, painting my nails, etc... It's been really weird cause some of the days all I want to do is sleep but I can't... I can't get motivated to do anything but I'm very restless. I spend a lot of my time in my room and pretty anti social. Just really blah feeling.. Or like the other morning I woke up and ready to go do anything and really wide open and wanting to go out and buy very unusual things... then about 3 hours later, you couldn't get me to do a thing. My mood flipped that quick. Also these past few weeks, my mind just goes blank in the middle of all this... I hope that the hospital can help me more than what my doctors do.... It's sad to say that I'm actually looking forward to it because I just want to feel somewhat "normal" and not unpredictable
  2. Hello all... it's been a while since I posted here. My life has been pretty chaotic from moving 3 times, all my doc appts, testings, etc, I have just got settled in my new home but my roller coaster ride started about 2 months ago... I go from one extreme to another. My psychologist isn't much help and my psychiatrist only discusses my meds. Something is off. One day I am wide open, the next I can't get out of bed. Or I can have a combo in one day. I really don't like those. I've been having those nearly everyday for 2 weeks now. I had seen a doc the other day dealing with some of the side effects from my seroquel, and they questioned me on what my normal heart rate was. It's usually in between 65-75. I had taken a Xanax 1 hour prior to my appt cause I always have really bad anxiety at a doc appt. Well, the nurse told me my heart rate was 109. I found that odd cause I couldn't feel it racing like that. I have read that you can have an increase in body temperature and heart rate when becoming manic...and my body seems like it's on fire at times. Anyway... I've been having a lot of stress at home (dealing with a teenager who just got his liscense and truck) being rebellious, totally talking to me like I'm trash, plus having to deal with his father now and he had been out of the picture for years cause he couldn't stay out of jail. I'm having to deal with so many things at once and it's a little much and sending me over the edge. It doesn't seem like my meds have been working to well and I just had it increased because I just felt that something was "off". So, I've gone from 150 mg Seroquel to 200-400 mg depending on what's needed. But something is still "off". I feel a whole lot of "switching" going on. Example, this past weekend I was doing something I enjoy, talked to my son for less than 5 minutes, got upset and I wanted to come straight home. Got home and grabbed a "drink" and I have quit drinking for almost a year. It was like bamm out of nowhere then I don't remember anything until the next afternoon and my days have been a blur since. I got too upset and snapped. I know I can't drink and my husband does too, but dang where did that come from... I also know I over medicated myself that night because I was missing quite a bit of my meds. Then I was having random conversations with people online. Either I shouldn't have been talking to them or didn't know them at all. I only know that from the history button on the computer. I'm trying to get in to see my doc asap but he is booked up until the 17th. I have several diagnoses... I'm Bipolar 2 Rapid Cycler, Dissociative Disorder, BPD, Anxiety/ Panic, Chronic insomnia- sleep apnea, traits of schitzo and PTSD. Wonderful... that makes it kind of hard to pinpoint the issue here. When I get upset like I have been, it's like a whole new individual steps in and takes over and makes the issue worse. I become extremely hostile, or completely backwards being "overly friendly". My current meds are Seroquel, Xanax, and Amnien and Linzess for my IBS. I was on Lamictal for about 3 weeks but I'm allergic to it. I got the nasty rash. I feel terrible.. I am actually thinking about visiting a clinic for a "break" but my husband doesn't want that but I'm looking at it that someone needs to see whats going on for atleast a week instead of a 45 minute session. I am so sorry for rambling in this post but that's how I've been here lately. I talk so fast and so much, and pace and can't sit still, or think straight, or flip and won't come out of my room. So sorry for the long post but I just need someone to talk to...
  3. My doc appt was a little odd. I told him about my lab and my white cell count being high and being hyperthyroid and he apologized to me. He said that he might have misdiagnosed me. Wasn't for sure, but could have. I received the results on my second lab, 1 week after taking estrogen and stopping the Lamictal, and everything is normal now. That's odd to happen in less than 5 days. Could I have been misdiagnosed all these years? In 2007, I was given a beta blocker and valium for being borderline hyperthyroid but they never did a follow up since that doctor had relocated. My body hasn't had a break since 1994. A miscarriage in my second trimester in 1994, 2 car wrecks, another pregnancy w/ delivery (high risk) in 1996-1997, Depo Provera, endometriosis, Depo Provera again, laproscopy, medications, 3 surgeries 2002, 2008, 2010, and a complete hysterectomy along with more medications. That's a lot to go through.
  4. Thank you Lauryn Wow...I'm finally getting more answers everyday now from these docs. I'm having to throw a fit, but I'm getting them. My rash is gone and I received a call from my OBGYN saying that I'm hyperthyroid and my white cell count was too high. Now I just have to give this new info to my psychologist. Funny... I was told I was borderline hyperthyroid back in 2007 and they put me on valium and a beta blocker. As of at this moment, I am on 2 mg xanax a day, 50 mg Seroquel at bedtime, and 10 mg Ambien at bedtime and Estradiol. During the day, I still feel like I'm standing on a waterbed, or mind wanders off, still have a hard time sleeping, weight loss, hyper active moments, muscle aches- weakness, just very blah and blank. I stopped the Lamictal immediatley. I am so glad that finally I had a doc run a full panel lab on me and find out something. I knew something was terribly wrong but just couldn't pin point it. So much has happened over the years, it was really hard to. My moods have been flipping and flopping from one to the next within hours. The strange behavior, which I've been doing for years off and on, was very hard to pin point or even tell when it was gonna happen and for how long. I looked at my history on my computer, and the things I seen was horrifying. I'm surprised I still have a family. By the way it looked, I was litterally gonna run away or do something I was really gonna regret...but have no idea where these thoughts came from. The thought process really changed when I was put on the trazodone and Lamictal along with the constant changing / switching of meds. Yes, I was truthful about my husbands trip and what he said, but I think that my reaction to it may have enhanced the situation. I really don't know. He is changing now. I think it took the rash to do that, but he has changed and seems to be more involved to a degree. Oh my, I was planning on moving away or something like that, writing letters to my family and planning on who was going to raise my son (wow!!) talking to strange people, websites I've never heard of, texting, Skype (and I've never used Skype before), and it just goes on and on. I am so embarrassed of who I was and what I don't recall doing. I have no clue. I'm having to find things out second hand and that's not good. My therapist seen some of this then he decided to take a vacation right in the middle of all of this. So, I get to see him tomorrow and fill him in. I wonder how this is going to turn out. This is already turning out lengthy so I'm going to cut it off there but there is more. Geesss when is this gonna end?
  5. As of yesterday...I was told to stop the Lamictal immediately. I was acting really weird, out of character, not making any sense, vivid dreaming, doing things that would have never crossed my mind before, wanting to run away and making extrreme plans for the future. Sometime or another I was writing this thought process down in a journal book. I don't remember any of it. I have been highly aggitated, hostile, depressed, mixed episodes, rapid cycling, have no idea what I have done or said to my parents but they won't talk to me...but anyway I had a doc appt about my hormones and didn't think anything of it about my sore throat, mouth on fire, ear ache, and this reddness on my chin. I thought I just had a cold. By the time I made it back to my "room", the rash had spread down my neck, onto my chest and going down towards my stomach. My OBGYN is the one that noticed that it looked odd and refused to give me a flu shot because of this and told me to contact my prescribing doc or pharmacy. I didn't take anymore Lamictal and called the pharmacy and asked which one of the meds I was on would cause a skin rash and she said Lamictal. I told her about my ears and throat and she told me to get to the ER. I had called my prescribing doc too and he just told me to take benadryl and as long as I was breathing and talking I was fine. The pharmacy is irrate with the doc and I guess they called him and gave him an ear full. Now I'm putting the pieces together from the past month or so. It's been the Lamictal. I also found out that I am treatment resistant and hypersensitive to medication. It effects me differently.
  6. I told him that I don't do well with anti-depressants at all. Then he said but this one will help you sleep and there is no arguing with man. He will not listen for anything. I had tried the mirtazipine before for sleep. Nope those are not for me. I have also read that you're not suppose to give anti-depressants to those with Bipolar cause it can trigger an onset of mania. Yes, I have my ups and downs, but there is a reason behind that... but I just tend to get a little- or alot overwhelmed with it. If you don't mind me asking...which one are you taking for depression? I'm sure I've already tried it. They give me the trazodone for sleep too. I just can't shut my mind off enough to get any rest
  7. hey...it's me again. To show you how bad my memory has gotten, I had to find an old topic on here to find my actual log in name. I couldn't remember it for anything. I knew it was Starfish something...I just couldn't remember the whole thing. Now I've got myself signed in under 2 names. Great...they will tote me off for sure now
  8. I had posted this in the bipolar forum but thought I would post it here,too. I'm curious if anyone can relate and how do you handle things. I don't really have much of a support system with my family......At the first of the year, around the first week of February, I don't know what happened to me, but something drasticly changed. I flushed all seroquel, lithium, Ambien but the docs told me to not even dare that with the xanax. So, ok, now I'm just taking xanax. When I flushed the pills, I was suppose to be taking 300mg Seroquel in the morning and 300 at night. Then 600mg of Lithium twice a day. 2mg xanax 4 times a day. WOW!!! It's just xanax at bedtime now. I fired my psychiatrist. I told him about the strange things I was doing, husband finding me laid out in the floor. My appearance changed. I believe I went into psyhcosis. That was some bad stuff and I'm only 5'1'". A lot of doctors said I should have been knocked out, but I wasn't. Mind was dead but my body kept moving. They admitted me to Skyline Madison for a week and my psychiatrist never checked on me or another follow up. Just increasing the meds. I went to his office the other day and demanded my files. Now they have to scan them and I have to wait. He's a bad doctor. Only worries about time and money. Ok, I took a neuro psych evaluation a few weeks ago and just got my results today. I am :Conginitve disorder NOS, Bipolar Type 2 with rapid cycling, Depressive Disorder NOS, anxiety disorder BPAD, nos, Insomnia Related to BPAD, OS/HA, and caffiene use. Also Panic Disorder without Agoraphobia, R/O Dissociative Disorder NOS, Borderline Personality Disorder, My focus and memory is awful and he said alot of this is dur to a car accident back 20 years .A very bad wreck that put me in the hospital for a week with internal bleeding, crushed collar bone, almost lost my teeth, fractured 3 ribs and somehow I got ejected from the blazer while it was spinning upside down in the middle of the steet. They found me unconscience under neath the front winshield. My brain shows trauma on both lobes but mainly on the left. And on top pf all that crap, now I just found out that I have sleep apnea and have to sleep with one of those machines. Yeah right lol. I don't know what to do. I just want some answers. I'm afraid of the meds. While on Sroquel I had lost my truck, had no clue me even driving. Then I was suppose to see my doc. I was in bad shape and he did nothing. No phone call or anything. He had to see something is wrong. I've had a stiff neck and high fevers since August.Fevers run around 103.4 and 104.3. Can anyone relate to this? I feel like I'm going insane!!!! Ugh....... Christina
  9. At the first of the year, around the first week of February, I don't know what happened to me, but something drasticly changed. I flushed all seroquel, lithium, Ambien but the docs told me to not even dare that with the xanax. So, ok, now I'm just taking xanax. When I flushed the pills, I was suppose to be taking 300mg Seroquel in the morning and 300 at night. Then 600mg of Lithium twice a day. 2mg xanax 4 times a day. WOW!!! It's just xanax at bedtime now. I fired my psychiatrist. I told him about the strange things I was doing, husband finding me laid out in the floor. My appearance changed. I believe I went into psyhcosis. That was some bad stuff and I'm only 5'1'". A lot of doctors said I should have been knocked out, but I wasn't. Mind was dead but my body kept moving. They admitted me to Skyline Madison for a week and my psychiatrist never checked on me or another follow up. Just increasing the meds. I went to his office the other day and demanded my files. Now they have to scan them and I have to wait. He's a bad doctor. Only worries about time and money. Ok, I took a neuro psych evaluation a few weeks ago and just got my results today. I am :Conginitve disorder NOS, Bipolar Type 2 with rapid cycling, Depressive Disorder NOS, anxiety disorder BPAD, nos, Insomnia Related to BPAD, OS/HA, and caffiene use. Also Panic Disorder without Agoraphobia, R/O Dissociative Disorder NOS, Borderline Personality Disorder, My focus and memory is awful and he said alot of this is dur to a car accident back 20 years .A very bad wreck that put me in the hospital for a week with internal bleeding, crushed collar bone, almost lost my teeth, fractured 3 ribs and somehow I got ejected from the blazer while it was spinning upside down in the middle of the steet. They found me unconscience under neath the front winshield. My brain shows trauma on both lobes but mainly on the left. And on top pf all that crap, now I just found out that I have sleep apnea and have to sleep with one of those machines. Yeah right lol. I don't know what to do. I just want some answers. I'm afraid of the meds. While on Sroquel I had lost my truck, had no clue me even driving. Then I was suppose to see my doc. I was in bad shape and he did nothing. No phone call or anything. He had to see something is wrong. I've had a stiff neck and high fevers since August.Fevers run around 103.4 and 104.3. Can anyone relate to this? I feel like I'm going insane!!!! Ugh....... Christina
  10. Well, seen my doc yesterday, an he told me to get back on my lithium and what happened was a somewhat manic episode aggitated and escaladed with alcohol. Doesn't know if Macy passing away may have anything to do with it but said that it may be related. I jut found that whole day to be very odd. Now my moods have been everywhere. My customers and other people keep aking if I'm alright. I'm trying not to show it, but I guess they can just tell something is wrong with me. It doesn't take much for me to blow a fuse either. I had one ccustomer ask me twice already if I was going to get another puppy or take a break for a bit then get one. WOW!! I found that to be very inappropriate to ask. If I could have set the timer on her tanning bed a little longer, I would have. I had to walk away from her. I am very on edge. I wass o close to Macy that I have her buried right behind the back door at work. I have a memorial for her with tons of flowers and foot stone. I treated her like she was my baby. She always came first. UGH!! I don't know what happened on that day, but something just wasn't right. No matter how hard I try to piece back everything and ask quetions, nothing is there to help me figure things out. Just found out that while we were ot that night, I got on the bar dancing with about 10 other girls and that they had to pull me up there. Crap,I don't remember that either. After that is when I locked mmyself up in the bathroom. Nothing makes any sense. I just know now that me and alcohol don't mix. I have blackouts during the day anyway, so, I'm prone to them anyway. I just wished that my husband would have stopped me from leaving the house when he already knew what was going on with me. Instead, he enjoys it when I get that way. Says I'm more fun. I don't call that fun at all.
  11. When these blackouts occur, I on't exactly think everyone is against me, more like I've done something wrong. Then I'm constantly trying to back track to see if I can remember "something" which I never do. It's like I completely shut down but my body is still going. I'm still questioning the people I was with and they say I was laughing, cutting up, dancing, and having a good time except at the moment that I received the call about my dog. But whatever happened to me when I got home and this burst of anger came out, I will never know. It came out of nowhere. I just flipped into this rage and then woke up in a panic. Normally after having a drink or two, I usually do wake up in a panic attack. Always after about 3 hours of sleep then I go back to bed because I have to take my Xanax to calm me down. I just jump out of bed like someone just poured ice water on me then run around the house "looking" for clues then always asking, what happened. I had no idea that the blood came from me until my husband told me to look at my hand. I went to bed and slept for about 2 more hours, then I found out about my dog. So, from what I understand so far and according to those with me, I was never upset about anything until I got home and I guess it was like I already "knew". Something wasn't right. But as my husband and son told me, they knew I was going manic just by the way I was acting and dressed. That's always a sure sign for me. My clothing will change to something more eye catchy and I fix myself up. I still don't understand why in the middle of having a "good time", I decided to lock myself up in the bathroom and just sit there. The people I was with are all saying how much fun they had with me. Wow, I just don't understand. Don't know what changed or what in the world I was thinking.
  12. Oh, and I forgot to mention that I am Bipolar and currently taking 2 mg Xanax 4 times a day, 300-450 mg Seroquel XR, 1200 mg Lithium, and 10 mg of Ambien. And after re-reading my earlier post, I can tell that my mind is going faster than I can type. A bunch of typos. Can't even think to spell correctly.
  13. I don't even know where to begin. Last week I was so down on myself, lack of self esteem, felt like I wasnt good enough, and then WHAM ! Friday comes and something hit me. I was so wound up, started drinking as soon as I got home from work, all dressed up to go bar hopping, ready to party. Now, there was a period during that day, around lunch time, I had come home for no reason, to check on things. I came to see my pug (Macy Ann). I almost brought her to work with me, but decided not to because she just looked extremely tired. Ok, I go back to work. Everything is fine. Back to getting off work and at home. Don't remember a thing after my second drink, don't remember going to our local resturant having two drinks, or meeting up with friends and my brother. Then we went to a bar, had one drink there, the owner of the bar wanted me to try it, like I said, I don't remember a thing. Then I lock myself up in the bathroom for about 15- 20 minutes and the bartender and a friend had to pull me out and asked for me to leave. Normally I'm the person who can drink and no one will ever know that I've had one. Ok, in the middle of our evening out, my son calls me and tells me that my pug is having another seizure and I instructed him to give her the prescribed medication to calm her down and it will ease her and it will pass in about 5- 10 minutes and to call me back. He said she was ok and sleeping. I get home and for no reason flipped out. I punched a glass clock, split my hand really bad and need stitches. Knocked everything off the walls, swyped everythiing off my night stand and blood everywhere. I wake up in a panic at 6 am, ran around the house freaking out because everything is broke and the blood and woke up my husband and asked what happened. He told me to calm down and go back to bed. I did so, and then was waken up to being told " she's gone". My baby passed away that night. I ran down stairs and held Macy and wouldn't let go. Is my behavior a coincidence? Could I have possibly known "something" wasn't right and cause me to flip out. I ran sacked the house like I already "knew". Now, I just cry, and I am so angry and I should have been home that night. I can't even work or talk to people without getting upset. It's coming out in anger and crying. I am flipping back and forth. This is so strange. I must have felt a connection, like a mother's instinct. Now I'm afraid of how my actions could be. My honest opinion, I should have been taken straight to the ER during this. Husband was afraid to do that, though. And just a note, I rarely drink.I have all of this written down for my doc to see and read. What in the world happened to me? I have no idea what made me react that way. I am thinking that my behavior was related to her. Strange idea, but the only thing I can think of. Can anyone give me a little insight on what might have happened or can relate my behavior. This is the worst I have ever felt. Now I'm catching myself looking for her, hearing her, and fixing her dinner. I feel just awful.Really can't put it into words.
  14. I have been on Seroquel for almost 3 years now and what a life saver. I sleep great and more mellowed out during the day. I still have my moments though. I'm at 300 mg at night and 150 during the day. This is combo with 1200 mg of lithium, 2 mg Lunesta, and 4 times a day of 1 mg Xanax. What a cocktail !! I tried a lot of things and this is the only combo that works for me. I have alot of anxiety and anger issues. I tried the Seroquel XR and didn't like it a bit. Doc wanted me on the regular Seroquel because it's more immediate. Hope this little bit of info helps some :)............Christina
  15. Happy Birthday - I hope you are doing well :)

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