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Everything posted by TheToddman

  1. When I was in rehab several years back everyone used to quip about me describing myself as 'cautiously optimistic'. LOL. I guess today I'm 'somewhat hopeful'. Yeah, that's it.
  2. Knocked my obligatory shoulder/trap/forearm routine out of the park today, as per usual on a Saturday. Must have something to do with the extra sleep Also might be attributed to the herbal supplement I've started that's supposed to help with mood/energy/strength. We'll see. Gotta watch the pre-workout caffeine consumption though! Nightjar, I can only imagine what it's like to walk to Hollywood Later folks!
  3. Went to the local HIIT studio and felt like I was gonna die. I HATE rowing. Period. On a more positive note, burned a bunch o' calories so good to have that behind me
  4. Wow THIS. I'm there with ya man. Almost identical situation, where lack of thankfulness has kept me from counting my proverbial blessings and a tendency to look at what is missing (trust me, I'd conjure something up if nothing were!). Led me to what seemed like major anhedonia and then full-blown alcoholism. I've been sober for three years now, but let me say that the propensity to dwell on where I'm coming up short and the negative still persists. It's a daily battle. I'm still at my age and place in life contending with comparison of myself with others and where I've come up short. Good folks here though--glad you joined us! T.
  5. HOT. Holding off on the yard shtuff until tomorrow, when it won't be hell degrees out. Already in the 90's...
  6. Tymothi and Sober--my sentiments exactly. And on that note, had my share of endorphins today. Worked delts/traps/forearms. Gym was crowded (as per usual on a Saturday) and it only motivated me. God--- to capture the natural high in a bottle and sell it.....
  7. Hit the gym as planned; worked back and bi's. Ugh. Maybe it was the break or the need for more pre-workout Happy Tuesday, y'all!
  8. No exercise today, as I was on the road. Hiked a bit yesterday but really looking forward to getting back to the gym tomorrow am. It's amazing how much energy I have on days where I actually work out to start off vs. days like today.
  9. Decided to kick it 'old school' and crank up Ian and co. from Stand Up. New Day Yesterday - Jethro Tull
  10. A bit more exhausted from what was supposed to be a brief jaunt out of town than I'd like. Was sorely tempted to follow up with a few coworkers (I work remotely and was off today) since we're getting to the end of a project cycle and I had to resist. Setting boundaries has never been super easy lol---or maybe it's just a control thing
  11. Kafka's fusion of realism and the fantastic (postmodernism, maybe?) is legendary. Today I heard a quote of his that was seemingly antithetical : "Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old." I often jokingly respond to people saying that I'm quite cynical by saying "Welp, guess I'm old enough!" Maybe I just tend to filter out the positive and let the poignant come into focus and color my current philosophy. Can't blame aging for the negative retrospection though... Guess I get to contrast that with the adage of 'aging gracefully' Anyone else relate? Surprised that this is a Kafka-ism? Is it lunchtime yet? Provoking to say the least....
  12. The weather where I'm at is about 15 degrees cooler than normal (not a huge fan of summer). Been out of town in a very beautiful area (in the Ozarks) and the combination has been awesome.
  13. Excellent thread. I've struggled with the notion of 'fake it till you make it' and having an utter sense of realism --so much so that I can't not care anymore---simply because I've seen how much perception shapes reality. I've had friends/cohorts who've said time and again that my reservation comes off as unconfident but I know that my level of self-awareness and ingenuity to handle challenges supercedes being outspoken and verbally dominant. To me confidence in its purest form is the byproduct of effectiveness and competence. It's not a static value but fluid IMO with a given context.
  14. Music is absolutely essential for me to transition to a positive state--irrespective of what I'm doing. Sometimes I get into full 'escape' mode that puts me in an almost alternate reality, but other times there's clarity that comes from the positive vibes. I hope you're able to ride out the cascade of anxiety man---all too familiar here with the concerns and sense of impending doom. You definitely have support and folks that relate here.
  15. When I'm able to step outside of the mire of negativity I see just how much of a critic and judge and am of myself. Wish those instances weren't so instant On that note, just a few moments today where I pressed mental replay to critique and analyze how I acted/what I said, etc. The struggle is real sometimes lol. Been out of town in a touristy spot and lots of folks about. Ah, introversion
  16. One thing that's persisted for me for most of my life is projecting my own self-judgement on someone else that I'm interacting with--verbally or otherwise. The challenge has been to try considering that they may have their own struggles or daily grind that set the tone long that interaction took place. Social anxiety is most likely more prevalent now in the age of pandemic and resulting isolation, as those of us who get stuck in our heads anticipate what could happen; those who are on the extroverted end of the spectrum have actually had it worse given their need for social interaction. In sum, everyone is basically on proverbial pins and needles. I get what you went through....I tend to replay those scenes of embarrassment/self judgement in my head by default.
  17. Couldn't agree more. The challenge for me has been finding that 'balance' --the space that I want to call 'realism' that seems to always degrade into my own normalized version of pessimism That's where I realize that I can easily make exercise an addition/fix and I've had to be mindful of that. Amazing the contrast between the post-workout euphoria and the end-of-day 'it is what it is' syndrome! Thx!
  18. Hey guys, Kind of rediscovering this place (was a member over a decade ago---quite glad it's still around!). My story covers quite a bit of ground, so I'll keep it succinct. My battle started with what I would consider crippling anxiety roughly 20 years ago and after a melange of diagnoses and tests settled on a mixture of anti-anxiety/antidepressant meds in addition to CBT, which helped me tremendously. After years of effective coping strategies I worked with my doc to taper down those meds and wound up as a result of circumstances supplementing with alcohol to an abusive level. That ended about five years ago and I've since embraced a fitness regime that's been tremendous in my recovery on all fronts. My current battle has been with episodes of negative thinking that I've fought with the aforementioned training (amazing what a little bit of dopamine from weight training will do) and also a bit of journaling. In addition of fitness I enjoy playing guitar (when I can). Glad to meet y'all and I look forward to continued health, connection and contribution here. Best! T.
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