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hopeful4me

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  1. Like
    hopeful4me got a reaction from HeatherG in Blocked on Instagram and not coping   
    Thank you so much for reading my post and taking the time to reply. 
    You're are absolutely right. I am a sensitive person. I struggle with social media because of it. It is so easy to misread intentions when you are reading words on a screen and there are no facial or tonal cues to help decode the speaker's true intentions. It's one of the reasons why I deleted everything except Instagram in the first place. I was worried about what my life would be like without Facebook because I spent so much of time on the platform but I actually feel a lot better without it. 
    The one thing I want to correct is that my issue is not so much that I needed this person's approval. It's that the rejection seems to imply that this person hates me for some reason. I know hate is a strong word but blocking someone is a strong action. They could have just removed me from their list of followers but instead they chose the most drastic option as their first choice. If this rejection was based on some sort of misunderstanding, I would have loved to have cleared it up. If it was based on something I did indeed do, I would have loved to apologize. Anyway, the initial shock has worn off and now I am starting to move on and you are right, the best revenge is to be happy.
    BTW, Tymothie might be right. It could be that I didn't do anything wrong at all and that maybe my life seems better than it is on Instagram and they don't want to see it. Maybe they don't like people who post pictures of food all the time. Maybe they don't like kids. Who knows?
    I don't have a therapist right now. For now, I don't think I need one. It may be enough to come here and chat with everyone because my bouts with depression are few and far between (but when they are bad, they are really bad). However, I am not against looking into one.
    Thank you again for replying. It really meant a lot to me. I'm returning your virtual hugs. Dealing with this with people really helped me to process my thoughts and kept me from spiraling. 
  2. Like
    hopeful4me got a reaction from louis2008 in How can I reduce anger?   
    Hi!
    I had the same problem. It was always so easy for me to get angry and end up arguing with people (strangers) on social media. It took a long time for me to figure out how to stop. Many of these steps are just repeating what has already been said so I apologize for that.
    Recognize when someone is purposefully trying to upset you. These are trolls. They may not even believe what they are writing. They just want to make people angry and they don't have to suffer any repercussions for what they write on the internet the same way they would if they said the same things in person. If you are on Youtube, try not to scroll down and read the comments. Sometimes when I am on a political video, I actively repeat in my head "don't read the comments. don't read the comments." because I know that there will be at least one comment that will upset me. If you are on Facebook, you can actually unfollow a post. So, if you feel compelled to reply, make your one reply and then immediately unfollow the post. If you are on Instagram, you can restrict a specific user. On your smartphone, go into your notifications. Press and hold one of the notifications by a user that is upsetting you. Click "restrict (username)." I actually had to do this once last week with someone who was caught trying to pretend they were a nationality that they weren't just to trash a tv show based in that country, but the user made a ridiculous mistake that exposed them for the liar they were. Instead of just taking the L, they doubled down and started lying the save face. Once that user outright started lying, I restricted them. Instagram hasn't notified me of any of their responses since and I haven't got looking.  Trying taking a breather before replying. I mean, put down your phone or walk away from your computer and try not to come back to it for 10 minutes. You may find that you are not as upset once you come back. Try finding a hobby that requires a lot of physical exertion. I joined a dance studio and it really helps. I can put all of my anger into each dance move. Now I play Just Dance because of the pandemic.  If all else fails. You can tell your browser to block certain sites. I used to do this when I was doing my masters and would find myself on Facebook instead of finishing up whatever assignment I needed to do. I am using Chrome so I had to download a free extension in order to do it. I hope this helps. Hugs. I know it's hard but you can get through this. We are all here for you.
        
  3. Like
    hopeful4me got a reaction from Tymothi in Blocked on Instagram and not coping   
    Oh no! Why can't you go back? Would you be able to go to a different country?
    Everything you said about moving overseas is 100% my experience as well. It is so liberating to be free of stagnant viewpoints and these set expectation of what you are allowed to be. Moving to a new country means you are free to explore who you are. At the same time, the lack of a support network can be soul crushing and unfortunately it takes years to build one.
    For me, I've been in Italy for 6 years and I am only just realizing that I may actually have some friends. I opened up about the person who blocked me to one friend after she opened up similar treatment she is receiving from people and, like me, she has no idea what she did to cause them to treat her that way. I was actually shocked and happy by the number of people here who checked on me during the pandemic. It showed that I may have more friends than I am aware of. My biggest hurdle has always been that I can't find the time to see these people physically because I have to take care of my young children and I do not have anyone close by who I can rely on to watch my children in order for me to see my friends. Things were looking up before the pandemic started but now things are back to "normal." 
    I am hoping that things get better once the children go back to school in September. Here the numbers are low enough that the experts consider it safe to open schools, but everyone is going to keep a close eye on the numbers in case there is a second wave. Maybe it will help to be able to meet up with friends in person again.
  4. Like
    hopeful4me got a reaction from Tymothi in How can I reduce anger?   
    Hi!
    I had the same problem. It was always so easy for me to get angry and end up arguing with people (strangers) on social media. It took a long time for me to figure out how to stop. Many of these steps are just repeating what has already been said so I apologize for that.
    Recognize when someone is purposefully trying to upset you. These are trolls. They may not even believe what they are writing. They just want to make people angry and they don't have to suffer any repercussions for what they write on the internet the same way they would if they said the same things in person. If you are on Youtube, try not to scroll down and read the comments. Sometimes when I am on a political video, I actively repeat in my head "don't read the comments. don't read the comments." because I know that there will be at least one comment that will upset me. If you are on Facebook, you can actually unfollow a post. So, if you feel compelled to reply, make your one reply and then immediately unfollow the post. If you are on Instagram, you can restrict a specific user. On your smartphone, go into your notifications. Press and hold one of the notifications by a user that is upsetting you. Click "restrict (username)." I actually had to do this once last week with someone who was caught trying to pretend they were a nationality that they weren't just to trash a tv show based in that country, but the user made a ridiculous mistake that exposed them for the liar they were. Instead of just taking the L, they doubled down and started lying the save face. Once that user outright started lying, I restricted them. Instagram hasn't notified me of any of their responses since and I haven't got looking.  Trying taking a breather before replying. I mean, put down your phone or walk away from your computer and try not to come back to it for 10 minutes. You may find that you are not as upset once you come back. Try finding a hobby that requires a lot of physical exertion. I joined a dance studio and it really helps. I can put all of my anger into each dance move. Now I play Just Dance because of the pandemic.  If all else fails. You can tell your browser to block certain sites. I used to do this when I was doing my masters and would find myself on Facebook instead of finishing up whatever assignment I needed to do. I am using Chrome so I had to download a free extension in order to do it. I hope this helps. Hugs. I know it's hard but you can get through this. We are all here for you.
        
  5. Like
    hopeful4me got a reaction from Tymothi in Blocked on Instagram and not coping   
    It makes me so happy to hear that I could encourage someone. I would say to anyone that if you can find a job overseas then go! Forget your debt. Most bills can be paid online nowadays anyway. That is what I did  up until this pandemic. I moved first and then paid off my debts one by one. I am down to one credit card but I will keep it to keep my credit score high in case I ever move back. 
    If anyone doesn't know, your credit score will tank if you don't have any activity for an extended period of time. I learned that the hard way when I return to the states from asia. I basically had to rebuild my credit from scratch. The sole credit card I have now doesn't have any fees for using it overseas. Those can add up quickly. 
    If anyone wants advice on moving overseas, I am here. I am more than willing to give advice.
     
    Tymothi, you are also right about this person who blocked me made it even easier to leave my past behind. It was a blessing in diguise. This person was toxic and I didn't know it. They outed themselves for me.
  6. Like
    hopeful4me reacted to Tymothi in Blocked on Instagram and not coping   
    Depression has that effect. It's like a magnet. So you have to make sure you're at least aware of its reach. Remember, it's a thing. A treatable, invasive thing to be dealt with.
     
    I'm encouraged by your efforts to redefine yourself in a new place. Everything is different - the climate, the food, the etiquette, everything. And the part of us that enjoys disconnecting from the old place revels in its newness, and the chances we have to set the world up the way we wish it as adults (a great therapy we never experience as children, except in our imaginations). And with no shadows following you, no debts to take care of or obligations on our heels, it's incredibly freeing.
     
    But then when disaster strikes, we have to think on our heels. It gets very overwhelming very quickly. It is not easy - it can't be, or else it wouldn't craft us into the people we're meant to be. So be kind to yourself. Take a breath to acknowledge what you've done so far. Smile at it. Feel strong that this life is one you've made - then continue making it. Transplantation is like riding in a river. You can't change the course of the water, but you can steer, and steer with increasing skill and strength. Those people who blocked you or deny your existence are helping you get away, farther downstream, where you and your family need to be.
     
    I had a student once who went off to make a career of acting, and she got frustrated when she moved to a big city and faced harsh criticism from people she admired. I told her to always thank those people who objected to her because whether they knew it or not, each one of them was giving her an opportunity to get better - an opportunity she didn't have to feel bad about taking for free. 😉 
  7. Like
    hopeful4me got a reaction from duck in How do You Feel Right Now? #12   
    Thank you. That was really kind of you to say. I hope to also be able to support others on here as well. 
  8. Like
    hopeful4me got a reaction from anon22ae in How do You Feel Right Now? #12   
    Thank you. That was really kind of you to say. I hope to also be able to support others on here as well. 
  9. Like
    hopeful4me got a reaction from Tymothi in Blocked on Instagram and not coping   
    Thank you so much for reading my post and taking the time to reply. 
    You're are absolutely right. I am a sensitive person. I struggle with social media because of it. It is so easy to misread intentions when you are reading words on a screen and there are no facial or tonal cues to help decode the speaker's true intentions. It's one of the reasons why I deleted everything except Instagram in the first place. I was worried about what my life would be like without Facebook because I spent so much of time on the platform but I actually feel a lot better without it. 
    The one thing I want to correct is that my issue is not so much that I needed this person's approval. It's that the rejection seems to imply that this person hates me for some reason. I know hate is a strong word but blocking someone is a strong action. They could have just removed me from their list of followers but instead they chose the most drastic option as their first choice. If this rejection was based on some sort of misunderstanding, I would have loved to have cleared it up. If it was based on something I did indeed do, I would have loved to apologize. Anyway, the initial shock has worn off and now I am starting to move on and you are right, the best revenge is to be happy.
    BTW, Tymothie might be right. It could be that I didn't do anything wrong at all and that maybe my life seems better than it is on Instagram and they don't want to see it. Maybe they don't like people who post pictures of food all the time. Maybe they don't like kids. Who knows?
    I don't have a therapist right now. For now, I don't think I need one. It may be enough to come here and chat with everyone because my bouts with depression are few and far between (but when they are bad, they are really bad). However, I am not against looking into one.
    Thank you again for replying. It really meant a lot to me. I'm returning your virtual hugs. Dealing with this with people really helped me to process my thoughts and kept me from spiraling. 
  10. Like
    hopeful4me got a reaction from Tymothi in Hi   
    Wow, I can multiquote! What a great feature! Thank you for the warm welcome. Also, that is wonderful advice. I actually never thought about that before. I think I will do that by writing in my journal. I will write a letter of advice to myself as if it was a good friend of mine.
     
    Hey!
    I am so sorry to hear that. By the time I graduated from university i could say that exact same statement. It is a horrible feeling that I don't think we will ever fully get over, but we can move past it. A drastic change of scenery worked for me, but as Tymothi said, it comes with this sense of alienation that will linger until you meet a core group of friends. There are steps you can take to combat it, it just takes time.
    I write this only because, even though I don't know you, I would love to help you if you are interested. Just let me know. 🙂
  11. Like
    hopeful4me got a reaction from Tymothi in Hi   
    Thank you for the warm welcome. I have been searching for a place to openly talk about my depression for years and then one day I saw that someone recommended this forum on Quora. I wish I felt as couragous as I must seem. I am working on it. I realize now that depression is not something that will go away once I fix that one thing, but is something that I will constantly have to work on. I am so very happy to have found these forums. Thank you to whoever created them and thank you to all of the admins. 
  12. Like
    hopeful4me got a reaction from Tymothi in Blocked on Instagram and not coping   
    Thank you again for your encouragement. I didn't think of reminding myself of the good things in my life. Sometimes I get lost in a downward spiral of negative thoughts and I end up in a very dark place.
    The universe guided me out of their clutches once before and my life is so much better for it. I guess it could be making sure that I stay out of their clutches. 😉 I know probably shouldn't need external permission to let them go, but I did need it. I think I needed to hear that I wasn't overreacting. So many times when someone asks why they were blocked on social media, all the answers are "because you probably did something wrong" so it was ******* me that I couldn't think of anything especially in light of the fact that I haven't even seen this person (in person or online) in so long. Thank you again.
    Going to the beach sounds fun. However, since I can't go now, I will settle for a family day at the local pool. It's mostly for my husband because he uses swimming as a way to release stress, but I guess I can too. 
  13. Like
    hopeful4me reacted to user1492 in How do You Feel Right Now? #12   
    Today i will do something...
    Not sure what, but i will do something.
    I hope
  14. Like
    hopeful4me got a reaction from Devlinkyla in How do You Feel Right Now? #12   
    Thank you. That was really kind of you to say. I hope to also be able to support others on here as well. 
  15. Like
    hopeful4me got a reaction from sober4life in How do You Feel Right Now? #12   
    Thank you. That was really kind of you to say. I hope to also be able to support others on here as well. 
  16. Like
    hopeful4me reacted to Devlinkyla in How do You Feel Right Now? #12   
    Am sorry you feel that way but you will find the support you need here 
  17. Like
    hopeful4me got a reaction from Tymothi in Hi   
    I would like to introduce myself. I have been suffering from depression ever since I was a child. My mother had given me away to be raised by my grandparents. Then when I was around 6, my mother took me back and that is when the issues started. My grandparents raised me in a loving environment, but when I moved back with my birth mother (plus brother, maternal grandmother, aunt, and uncle), I felt out of place. I acted very differently from the rest of my family and was made to feel like an outcast because of it. I was hated and bullied relentlessly at school, and I was bullied even more by the neighborhood kids. This bullying continued all the way through high school and a little into college as well. 
    I went through life feeling unworthy of love or respect. I self-sabotaged many friendships and potential romantic partners because I always expected them to leave me. I didn't begin to heal until I left the United States. Something about living in a country where no one had any expectation of me was liberating. I was free to define who I was. 
    Even though living overseas has been helpful overall, I still had (and still have) depression and suicidal thoughts due to loneliness. It is always difficult to connect with locals due to the language barrier and difficult to connect with fellow Americans because I don't fit the stereotype assigned to me. Plus, every time I did settle into a new country, I ended up moving and had to start the process all over again.
    Now I am in my current country. I am married to a local and have two wonderful children, but I do not have much of an emotional support system. I am raising two children by myself without help from in laws (who live on the other side of the country) or my own family, who are all an ocean away. Most of my friends are in a similar boat. We are all foreigners married to local men, most of us have 2 children. Some of the moms have in laws to help them and some don't. We're all equally busy so it is difficult for us to be there for one another, even if we really want to. I do not have time to care for myself. Sometimes I go days without showering or washing my hair because every waking minute of the day is dedicated to caring for our two children. This was made worse by covid-19 and the lockdown. We had just placed our youngest in school and I was beginning to at least have time to groom myself again and then all of a sudden it was taken away. With so much going on, it is easy for one careless comment from my husband to send me over the edge. Sometimes I feel like my children are the only thing keeping me alive. They are devastated if I ignore them for a few minutes. I think leaving them forever would cause irreversible damage. 
    Still, it is so hard. Sometimes I just need a sympathetic ear. I am hoping I can find that here and also be that for someone else who may need it.    
     
  18. Like
    hopeful4me got a reaction from watalife in How do You Feel Right Now? #12   
    Honestly, awful. I seem to face constant rejection whereever I go. Even here.
     
    I don't know what's the point of trying anymore.
  19. Sad
    hopeful4me got a reaction from anon22ae in How do You Feel Right Now? #12   
    Honestly, awful. I seem to face constant rejection whereever I go. Even here.
     
    I don't know what's the point of trying anymore.
  20. Like
    hopeful4me got a reaction from Epictetus in Hi   
    I would like to introduce myself. I have been suffering from depression ever since I was a child. My mother had given me away to be raised by my grandparents. Then when I was around 6, my mother took me back and that is when the issues started. My grandparents raised me in a loving environment, but when I moved back with my birth mother (plus brother, maternal grandmother, aunt, and uncle), I felt out of place. I acted very differently from the rest of my family and was made to feel like an outcast because of it. I was hated and bullied relentlessly at school, and I was bullied even more by the neighborhood kids. This bullying continued all the way through high school and a little into college as well. 
    I went through life feeling unworthy of love or respect. I self-sabotaged many friendships and potential romantic partners because I always expected them to leave me. I didn't begin to heal until I left the United States. Something about living in a country where no one had any expectation of me was liberating. I was free to define who I was. 
    Even though living overseas has been helpful overall, I still had (and still have) depression and suicidal thoughts due to loneliness. It is always difficult to connect with locals due to the language barrier and difficult to connect with fellow Americans because I don't fit the stereotype assigned to me. Plus, every time I did settle into a new country, I ended up moving and had to start the process all over again.
    Now I am in my current country. I am married to a local and have two wonderful children, but I do not have much of an emotional support system. I am raising two children by myself without help from in laws (who live on the other side of the country) or my own family, who are all an ocean away. Most of my friends are in a similar boat. We are all foreigners married to local men, most of us have 2 children. Some of the moms have in laws to help them and some don't. We're all equally busy so it is difficult for us to be there for one another, even if we really want to. I do not have time to care for myself. Sometimes I go days without showering or washing my hair because every waking minute of the day is dedicated to caring for our two children. This was made worse by covid-19 and the lockdown. We had just placed our youngest in school and I was beginning to at least have time to groom myself again and then all of a sudden it was taken away. With so much going on, it is easy for one careless comment from my husband to send me over the edge. Sometimes I feel like my children are the only thing keeping me alive. They are devastated if I ignore them for a few minutes. I think leaving them forever would cause irreversible damage. 
    Still, it is so hard. Sometimes I just need a sympathetic ear. I am hoping I can find that here and also be that for someone else who may need it.    
     
  21. Sad
    hopeful4me got a reaction from sober4life in How do You Feel Right Now? #12   
    Honestly, awful. I seem to face constant rejection whereever I go. Even here.
     
    I don't know what's the point of trying anymore.
  22. Sad
    hopeful4me got a reaction from Devlinkyla in How do You Feel Right Now? #12   
    Honestly, awful. I seem to face constant rejection whereever I go. Even here.
     
    I don't know what's the point of trying anymore.
  23. Like
    hopeful4me got a reaction from Atra in Hi   
    I would like to introduce myself. I have been suffering from depression ever since I was a child. My mother had given me away to be raised by my grandparents. Then when I was around 6, my mother took me back and that is when the issues started. My grandparents raised me in a loving environment, but when I moved back with my birth mother (plus brother, maternal grandmother, aunt, and uncle), I felt out of place. I acted very differently from the rest of my family and was made to feel like an outcast because of it. I was hated and bullied relentlessly at school, and I was bullied even more by the neighborhood kids. This bullying continued all the way through high school and a little into college as well. 
    I went through life feeling unworthy of love or respect. I self-sabotaged many friendships and potential romantic partners because I always expected them to leave me. I didn't begin to heal until I left the United States. Something about living in a country where no one had any expectation of me was liberating. I was free to define who I was. 
    Even though living overseas has been helpful overall, I still had (and still have) depression and suicidal thoughts due to loneliness. It is always difficult to connect with locals due to the language barrier and difficult to connect with fellow Americans because I don't fit the stereotype assigned to me. Plus, every time I did settle into a new country, I ended up moving and had to start the process all over again.
    Now I am in my current country. I am married to a local and have two wonderful children, but I do not have much of an emotional support system. I am raising two children by myself without help from in laws (who live on the other side of the country) or my own family, who are all an ocean away. Most of my friends are in a similar boat. We are all foreigners married to local men, most of us have 2 children. Some of the moms have in laws to help them and some don't. We're all equally busy so it is difficult for us to be there for one another, even if we really want to. I do not have time to care for myself. Sometimes I go days without showering or washing my hair because every waking minute of the day is dedicated to caring for our two children. This was made worse by covid-19 and the lockdown. We had just placed our youngest in school and I was beginning to at least have time to groom myself again and then all of a sudden it was taken away. With so much going on, it is easy for one careless comment from my husband to send me over the edge. Sometimes I feel like my children are the only thing keeping me alive. They are devastated if I ignore them for a few minutes. I think leaving them forever would cause irreversible damage. 
    Still, it is so hard. Sometimes I just need a sympathetic ear. I am hoping I can find that here and also be that for someone else who may need it.    
     
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