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Everything posted by Smophie

  1. Greetings everyone, long time no see! Hope everyone’s trying their best during this time. Personally I’m at a negative standstill in my life with a plethora of somber events happening but I did finally get a debit card (here’s to saving and not spending it on records) Another one of these events kind of ties into how I view my CO currently. During last year I can admit I dabbled for 7 months in a certain plant, and over time It just started opening up a side of me I didn’t like at all, I understand for some it works for anxiety and issues along those lines but for me all it did was intensify it almost to the point of suicide due to how I suffered with depersonalisation long before this so it made it much more effective in making me seem like I’m not even existing which when around others at the time caused my brain to not even see them as family, after that incident on New Year’s Day of this year I decided I didn’t want any artificial happiness or be part of that stoner life, my parents are and now I look back at it through therapy which I’ve been attending for months now, they worried more about grams then their own child at times, they’re older than myself so I get that but I’m only 17, Each to their own I completely understand that but for me I want to stay the 4 month sober version of me, she’s much more free and realises she’s grounded! the problem is being around any paraphernalia or persons to do with this infamous plant, (which anyone with a ex addiction would know how this feels) you try your best to stray away but you walk a thin line, my relationship with my mother has been tarnished in my eyes seeing her do it for example. Being the only sober one in a house of enablers ain’t cool at all being a ex smoker. Another person who’s a user of this happens to recently be my CO which as someone who I looked up to due to her pure happiness no drugs needed lifestyle, being a user this whole time rocked my view of her. (And I’m certain anyone else can relate to this part) her being the last CO of what I call my childhood (before I went through addictions and the like) seeing this happen is for a fragile ex user is like a childhood ending thing If that makes any sense, I’ve looked up to a lie it feels. Doesn’t help there’s a photo of her in some studio which is heavy on drug use on their page with her looking out of it, red dilated eyes and all. And it’s her life and I get that, live and let live but I don’t know if I should stick to my CO or try to step out before my brain goes back into if she’s doing it you should too mode.
  2. Okay so update for those whom are active, and if you are I hope you are enjoying having a safe time during this global situation. So a day or so after the realisation of sorts, my mind started spiralling back into deep diving on forums about her, which I sincerely regret now since I’ve learnt some factors primarily for the worst, one being the fact she apparently romanticised a student teacher relationship on her talk show back in the 00s, since it’s apparently take it with a grain of salt but mixed the next story I heard being about her friendly connections with a man who sexualised a 17 year old singer, stating horrible things about her pants, just for the first time shook my reputation of her once again, the first time I paid no attention when I heard of her diva like behaviour and money scandals, instead trying to ignore them, but those stories were one of the nails in the coffin per se, now another story from a audience member at their newer concert details how her diva personality has one again taken place, this time to children, she promised her fans (since they’re a family band) photos, but instead when asked she declined and got security involved which has made me honestly disappointed in her knowing these are children who want to have a moment of grace with their hero, I guess never meet your heroes in this case unfortunately. Fortunately I’m focusing a lot more on my personal life and hobbies around this time.
  3. Greetings all on this day or night depending where you live, right now it’s early morning but it looks dark so I’ll just say it’s night. today has been quite the eventful day for my obsession and in a positive way. earlier I was reading a article about her journey to becoming an artist and something just flipped a switch in my mind, it made me realise that she’s like any of us, she’s a human who’s been through a fair share of occurrences instead of a characterisation which i usually see most of my COs in, it felt like my mind switched back into how I saw her at the beginning instead of delving deeper so it’s kind of shocking to see it progress naturally instead of force like usual. I’ve been looking at her less today and focusing more on my hobbies which is such a wonderful sensation.
  4. Finally someone feeling the same as I, whatever you do please refrain from that, think of mental fantasies, fanfics or drawings which can help in various factors. Mine has a reputation for being very sexual behind the scenes and is open about it which has lead me to find out there’s one **** of her out there from her teenage years (pre legal age) which I’ve always stopped myself from ever trying to find knowing that’s crossing her line and my line. Instead I went for making fakes or deepfakes of her older self after finding her fakes are popular on some sites. Which I feel disgrace in doing knowing it’s still a invasion of her privacy but it isn’t as bad as the real one that got destroyed years ago but circulated in newspapers during the 82-85. My thoughts of her have become quite sexual (not stalker wise but fantasy wise)
  5. Firstly congratulations and celebrate refraining your temptations, it may be hard at times but remember it’s a small step to a larger recovery. I currently can relate to your situation knowing how media can betray your idolised image of an idol and tear it down, unfortunately that’s how fame works in its core, it’s up to the person themselves to be who they want, to rise per se. Mine has been accused of many things to do with money, refusing help for a addict member, and taking money away from dead members families was the main heartbreak for me. But I’m still attached to her physical looks and personality fake or not. Don’t get me started on how my photos of her I crop or use pics that don’t have her kids in them.
  6. Long time no see! How is everyone during these difficult times first off? I hope everyone’s going as well as they can be. To any new users, you are not alone in this battle nor in this army of obsession, and we will help each other like the caring troops we are. So some time ago I had a obsession with this guy named Daniel from a quite obscure german series which I’m glad to say as of December 12th (I can’t be the only one that just remembers dates important to a CO or progressing) daniel has become another ended chapter in the book which I’m gracious for considering how I was so close to contacting him and I hope him well these days. Anyways after that, around late that month I started getting into a singer called Emilija K (won Eurovision 89) whom my obsession wasn’t really one, it was just a big admiration considering how her music helped me throughout a rocky home life, which felt refreshing finally not overthinking everything about an CO, she even commented on some fan posts of mine and another singer who’s a friend of hers I like also follows my Tiktok! I still put Emilija in that grouping of just a strong fan instead of a CO which the last time I probably did that was roughly around 2016 with the spice girls. so everything was going smoothly until my tendencies kicked in again and I started targeting my feelings onto a singer she did a duet with around the 80s. Now I won’t disclose her name because she’s quite relevant still and I kinda have the thought she’ll check since she does on Instagram for posts about her. So I’ll just call her sonya D. When I saw her video with Emilija i was blown away by how breathtaking her looks during the 80s were (in her 20s) and please don’t claim I’m shallow but usually my fixations go towards a attractive figure in my eyes, whether it be a band member or solo. If they’re pretty I’m like a Kat with yarn. after watching and downloading various photos onto my phone, I didn’t really consider it being anything on the level of Daniel or the Latin boy band prior. I honestly did think I was over CO’s until the usual regime of typing details about them, always checking for new stuff started coming back, this time it’s on a completely different level to Daniel or the boy band, while searching I found lots of talk about her “freakier” side which turned me on considering none of my former COs were as naughty as she was, which over time changed my view of her amongst other things (claims she stole money from members and acting diva like) into this love/hate relationship of her, her looks are so hard to distance from especially in her younger years, even knowing she has grown up children didn’t help my thoughts winding back either, I feel kind of angry at myself for viewing her like this instead of her impacts in Croatian music but at the same time I’m in the phase mid way where I can stay or go before it gets worse. Any advice?
  7. Sincerest Apologies for the delay, recently many emotional events have taken course in personal life thus posting wasn’t really on my radar per se For now I’m back though and hoping to respond more! As for Right now with the whole Daniel situation well things haven’t really evolved exactly from last time, still having the same mindsets, troubles limiting his material y’all know the rest One thing is I’m starting to feel insecurities when it comes to how much I consume his material though and just in general as much as seeing him makes me smile, it’s the same clips after same clips, unlike at the beginning when everything felt fresh, it’s starting to become grating to a sense which is honestly making me feel like I should move on more naturally this time as opposed to last time when it was sheer force which I’m thankful for but there’s no other CO at the moment I’m as focused on so I’m not sure where to go, so I’m sticking with him for now hoping another comes along like Daniel did for the lack of the Latin boy band. On a greater note one of the tech companies he partnered up with is doing a podcast with him in English which is perhaps the excitement needed in this after 25 or so years being inactive on a public medium, so it’s definitely a joy to see he’s comfortable doing kind of public appearances again! Even if it’s tech related But at the same time I’m scared the magic will fade by that point about him. Also deepest regrets if I don’t sound like myself, at the moment I’m not coping well emotionally so the input isn’t up to scratch.
  8. Honestly that’s great to hear you’re finally striving on with your hobbies and or anything In your life for that matter! as difficult as it may seem initially to switch your mindset to something unrelated, at least with time it shows wonders, whether it be slow or faster. This may sound out there at the moment but if you keep it up it might make the memories not as intense. honestly I’m in that phase but I’m still struggling. As for the whole love hate situation, haven’t we’ve all been there definitely understand where you’re coming from as well, COs are comparable to basically any addiction, (also heard attraction/crushes is one so take that as you will) it’s like a vice of sorts I guess, you keep pursuing, knowing it’ll damage you one way or another. The only good thing from that mindset is that knowing the risks may turn you off as a warning of sorts. And fans, oh honey fans are a completely different life form themselves, they’ve got more problems then the rest of us, or even anyone could handle! correct me if I’m wrong, but by psycho fans, you’re referring to the types who either step over his personal boundaries or just full on fight over petty subjects with fellow fans. Glad you’re not associating yourself with those types either, considering from experience they can cause even more toxicity, even for yourself. One of the reasons i started to lose interest in at the time fading COs from a Latin boy band, I know it wasn’t their fault (also not to mention the fact some members reposted stolen restored photos I modified from other accounts and racism for being a fan from a non Latin country, etc..) Even with the current main CO. Daniel, had his fair share of not as deluded as your COs fans per se, but mainly perverted ones, actually both psycho fans and creeps need help . despite me thinking when I first discovered him that due to the series size and his short lived “acting career” (if you can even call it that) that he couldn’t possibly have fans, or any toxic at that, but gee was I wrong when I discovered that the creepy fans were basically in masses as much as the normal fans. Which literally made my heart drop, and they went back to when the series started, around the mid 90s. I couldn’t even find high quality photos of him on the series unless I clicked on a site associated with MAPs (basically search it up if you want to know it’s meaning) which honestly, amongst other comments made about his teenage self even some by people in the fandom for the series, still even to this day made me feel extremely sorry for him, being a teenage guy at the time doing something to please his ambitions, just at the same time being viewed as a toy to sick, perverted men, nobody deserves that. due to that a complete anger took over me, even though I knew there’s no possible chance anything would happen to him considering he’s a full grown adult now, it still equally upset me to the point i had to various days where I just tried to ignore it by focusing on something else. After that though, my view on him kind of changed, I still saw him as Daniel and still do but the thought that to others he was just a pin up made him seem In my view, tainted of sorts. but long story short they can kind of taint the COs image if you understand my jist. Usually in negative ways depending how deep down the rabbit hole they are.
  9. Update: On a good note, i was checking Instagram earlier and noticed one of my celebrity crushes friends followed me!
  10. Sorry for the delay, once again! Basically due to the provider. (During hotter months the signal gets unbearable, where I am it’s almost spring which can be quite the heatwave at times) anyways, firstly. Don’t blame this on yourself as much as it’s impossible not to considering it’s our friend of all things, but remember she stated we helped her out which is last time I checked positive! same here, as much as I’m trying to limit the consumption of Daniels materials, and or finally starting to focus on other pursuits, my minds at the moment, which I hope can change, stuck in the same gear, sure some can relate here. Congratulations on the urges being less painful than before! It’s a step towards something great at most. You’re not alone in the common sense/decision game, can’t speak for everyone but honest to god it can go out the window in most cases. Let’s be content that we aren’t like one of those fanatic kpop fans who stalk their idols down to a t. Compare that and we still keep some smartness intact Some days ago the urges that returned caused me to go on another “stalking spree” this time I discovered a newer website that had his birthdate and location, only accessible via signing up, similar to LinkedIns method, as much as I desperately wanted to, (maybe we share a star sign in common!) the sense kicked in, so I closed the page and made the decision to watch YouTube instead, (kind of like a way of forgetting for a while) which it does. But ever after that, the thought still strongly lingers, knowing there’s something I’m potentially missing out on. Even if it’s something as small as a birth date, or location. No offence but hell yeah! That’s wonderful that someone you follow got his attention plus you never know, he probably saw your comment as well and took it in good terms, plus considering he’s got some notoriety to him, he’s probably seen worse from fans. As long as you wrote something respecting him. glad to hear you enjoyed your night as a whole Here’s to more coming! As much as fellow fans can be a pleasure, at the same time it definitely can be a hell. Especially when the COs being displayed much more than before following which tempts tons of feelings. Not really sure what to say... but perhaps you could unfollow as much as it sounds dishonest, it might help in the long run.
  11. Apologies for the post being uploaded twice. Accidentally thought it was a new reply. If there’s any tech gurus here, can you delete it? So I ended up finding little to no information on the guy who looked like Dan, not even in the credits of the film he was featured in probably due to his character being a extra. Only thing i could salvage was the fact the male actors who were younger were French so that’s that. Discovering that half sent me into some spiral of anxiety knowing I could’ve finally moved on if more was out there about this guy, like a dan replacement of sorts. Despite dan pursuing some time as a small time actor, this guy’s is just a pure atom compared unfortunately. Also I’ve been reading over some of the previous posts and saw people were mentioning their COs by name, mind if myself joins in on that? his full name is basically Daniel Augustin (not the first result which is a semi famous actor, “the daniel” is Caucasian) god hope this doesn’t appear in google
  12. Even though we didn’t know each other personally starbucksjunkee, we all hope good fortune comes your way in your future endeavours. Heartfelt goodbye friend
  13. Even though we didn’t know each other personally starbucksjunkee, we all hope good fortune comes your way in your future endeavours. Heartfelt goodbye friend
  14. When does the season start? also seriously don’t worry, you’re not alone in this, even though my main CO is this guy let’s called him dan from a German educational series, I’m also regaining a love for 3 or so members from this Latin boy band I’m avidly into. don’t know if you’ve ever felt this, I’m sure you can relate that it feels like a crossroads deciding which to eliminate and choose.
  15. Greetings, I’m not sure whether to call this a update or so but recently, actually just 10 or so ago, hungry i entered the kitchen to grab some snacks, the area where it’s located, the living room tv is in pretty much a full view, anyways my parents were watching some movie i could be wrong but something about folk music, anyways a scene came up as i just came in where there was a group of guys who looked teenage, cleaning, to my surprise the first one kind of majorly resembled a American dan even up to the hair, not him though because the film was made in 2007 thus he’d be adult by then but now I’m interested in this guy.
  16. Also no matter how much time you have i hope you had something exciting on your plate. same problem here, that’s the thing with desires especially in this situation no matter how long you stand by the fact you’ll try to move on it’s nearly impossible at times. This may seem far fetched but have you considered adoption of some children or being a babysitter?
  17. It’s fine! Also Don’t worry about the status of this, forms like this one per se aren’t going to shut down as soon as we may think mainly due to the fact it’s a safe place to confide in a issue that’s often overlooked and or displayed incorrectly mainstream wise with a community of sympathetic people who have experienced the same situation one way or another to varying levels. Kind of like asking a older relative for advice. That i appreciate deeply as for josh trust me I’ve been there as well, and limiting your intake can be quite beneficial so reward yourself for that gradually, even though its struggling at most times when you’re so used to it. Don’t know why but when I stopped typing up anything about Dan I felt like all this information i had served no purpose and or finding interest in someone/anything was tiresome when being so used to him. Currently facing that as we speak, for a few months or so i was going well on my track to recovery, looking at the Latin band, until one night i couldn’t resist and went through my photos on google photos well you know the rest, I started looking at him again and slowly I’ve been relapsing into his younger self again. The night I saw the pics of him again and I’m sure some of you can relate, a sense of euphoria leapt through me for quite a while, it brung me back to a time when I wasn’t so involved with him, when there was a community for the series he participated in etc, where i could speak to like minded fans of his, unfortunately that didn’t last as long as I hoped, so when that left doubt started kicking in because being so used to a popular CO thus strong fandoms existing. I felt like I had nowhere to go to discuss this or that anymore. Also one night i let my snooping instincts go a little too far to the point i found out he had a LinkedIn you know... being a IT and all, despite being shocked seeing him today and yes in a bad way. just like josh per se the rule of face hair can really age up ones looks drastically, also he almost looked like a completely different man, maybe it’s being so used to the younger him but now he just looks worn out I guess. like something changed in him from the carefree boy in the series and that showed in his features too. Still has those ocean eyes though. Unbeknownst to me when checking his profile for his interests, even if they were all the same IT content or something along those lines, even if it was still fun to look, LinkedIn alerts the user of who’s checking their profile, some days after my account got banned and honestly being deep into him at that point i thought it was probably due to the fact i used a throwaway meme name which goes against everything LinkedIn is based on. so of course i made another one with a toned down name that sounded more appropriate this time, which lasted even longer, until yet again some months ago it gets banned, that’s when it came to me that it wasn’t my name being the issue, it was the fact i basically stalked in a way my idol of sorts, someone’s husband, someone’s own son, father etc (this is going to sound quite out there additionally he was born into a country, (pre unification) that spied on its own citizens for years so that probably doesn’t make it better,) and i still feel deeply regretful for harming him in a way that made him feel uncomfortable, to my mind it wasn’t since my former ones had reputations I didn’t think i was doing anyone any wrong. I still abide but seeing it from his eyes i can see it probably wasn’t a report for a innocent joke name, but for his safety. Plus finding out about his family life pushed me away knowing that I can’t crush on someone’s own father. Morally it can variate depending on person though. I haven’t really discussed to my peers about him directly due to them not understanding and probably poking obscene jokes about “liking a nazi” unfortunately that’s what being in a group with teenage males is like, another thing we can relate to. I think the one time i told my best friend (who’s a guy) about him when i initially found out about him to him it was a joke and to be honest he took it too far but i had to laugh along, he stated that hes a “nazi twink with eye bags” due to the fact daniel at the time had strong bags underneath his eyes during the series probably due to acting be a tiresome job, especially for someone at his age at the time which was around 14/15. Side note I don’t know why but guys with eye bags is pretty much a turn on for me, I guess it gives them a vampy look of sorts lol. Thus whenever i spoke about him my friend adopted the name “bags” so from there I guess i made sure not to mention him to any others in real life worried they might criticise me for not finding tastes in newer, current idols instead of a one time actor. Online friends thought he was a stunner though. But that’s as far as it went due to them being in different fandoms than the show one. Same here, focusing on your life instead of others is key here, even though the thoughts never fade so easily, venturing for personal successes can improve that. One thing that I’ve learned from him is that he didn’t become a successful IT in a second. Recently i found out his mother has a semi successful practitioners practise in Germany, curious i decided to delve into it, finding a website in which his mother states the whole backstory of her and her children, dans mentioned like once age wise which kind of disappointed me, but hey it’s about her not him. Interestingly i did find out maybe the reason he didn’t go back into the acting field and that’s due to his mother going through financial struggles around the time of the series being filmed, so maybe he did it to gain some money for his mother which is extremely sweet. (Considering the series was from a huge British television company the cast probably got paid in loads) And never returned seriously into the industry. Also stumbled upon reviews for her practise which vary from heartwarming to cold But man she claps back in the most Karen sort of way I’ve ever seen. Whether she deserved it or not I don’t honestly know not being in their patients shoes. She does seem quite Karen like in her personality from reading her bio which goes on for 14 pages, where she ranges from being quite reserved to self assertive about her practises and or legacy. Which I hope to god didn’t translate to dan, from what I’ve seen though he seems like a pretty courteous and genuine guy. Despite the series having less consistency than a 1st grader story. I still got a warm vibe from him. And like everyone else here if i met him back in his teenage years language barriers would exist. After finding out i felt this strong urge to comment something nice about her business but she’ll probably be spooked and alert dan considering it’s the same gmail as the LinkedIn. And maybe mentioning her child was part of a meme series (the series itself wasn’t meant to intended for that but the pure 90s of it kind of skyrocketed it to that infamy) Don’t know if she’d see that as respectable or sheer harassment towards him.
  18. Sorry for the tedious delay, many issues have been taking place in my personal life so my time has been limited with schooling getting serious and such. Don’t worry, you’re not alone in this, I know exactly what you are feeling. The pressure of hiding your CO per se is quite a highly difficult task considering how long you’ve been into them or the level your on, and having to hide basically what is addiction is one of the most gut wrenching feelings people can have. At least your husband understands you like the guy and respects that. I’ve known many a man who’ve broken up with people over having celebrity crushes because somehow that relates to preferring them over their partner?) As for the toning down, completely understand, if it’s a positive driving force go ahead and pursue it! Recently, I’ve decided to enter the Latin boy band fandom again just to test the waters again additionally, trying to lessen down the memories of Daniel, which has worked on the boy band part, i was hesitant that’d I’d focus on the scandals like previously, instead i see them now like a old crush per se. Which is quite the strange sensation, I have more to write but at the moment I’m going out.
  19. That’s horrible, I hope the best for your hands. What happened to them? you should get a job as psychic because that’s exactly how I’m feeling at the moment, the “mystery” aspect actually started to fade away some weeks ago when I found out more about his life and the fact he’s a father himself, again no offence to that, I hope his family’s going great especially with the current situation, but the whole crushing on someone’s basically father thing kinda you know made the mystery wear off. Also the fact everything I wanted to find out, I found out to the point there was nothing left, probably due to the fact he isn’t famous compared to my past ones who all had levels of notoriety thus finding information can be quite extensive. I’m sure some of y’all can relate with finding out every little thing about your CO and you don’t feel complete I guess per se until you find everything. Thus the “mystery” still lingers on I guess. also I’m not sure if anyone else relates but does anyone else feel finding out about a CO before you knew everything with that mystery aspect going strong felt more I guess enjoyable in a sense, like having a crush on someone in real life before finding out this or that about them. It’s like a sense of naivety. Which I wish I could go back to those days when all I saw him for was that pretty face with the shining eyes and beautiful smile. before my obsession side kicks in and has the need to find out every little thing about the guy, which feels great at first but when you know it goes too far/ or you have some epiphany it’s not as fun. And you know your emotions change after. Im in that I’d say depression phase, but I’m slowly getting out, the thought of him still occupies most of my mind most of the time, but without the submersion but I’m wondering if I should but at the same time if I do submerge myself in blue eyed ocean again the feelings will cause me to have stronger thoughts once again and ultimately It might cause me to go in circles again which is hell. we can relate to that one. actually at the moment I’m thinking of reverting to the Latin boy band fandom because I’m starting to feel that spark but then again I know I’m going to repeat my old mistakes of focusing on their dramas and scandals. And after that finding out that you can’t really see some members the same. I’m thinking I could go back for now but limit reading anything about them and watching videos of them performing or something instead and focusing on the fan account I have for them. Also i don’t know why but the miley Cyrus song slide away reminds me of the situation, don’t why I bring this up .
  20. Be assured You aren’t alone in this, I’m struggling through the same withdrawal experience. even though I no longer watch his material, and or look at pictures. The memory of his almost divine looks linger on in my head. No offence if I come off in the wrong manner. But it honestly feels like a lost friend or something along those lines which I haven’t felt before. The other COs I’ve had just felt like what they were celebrities so the process was much more easier I guess. As for the current one (let’s call him Dan) I still get intense urges to check out his material daily, which I’ve been quite successful blocking off by focusing on hobbies but I don’t know why it didn’t effect me this time to stop, but last week, feeling bored I decided to check my old gallery on google photos (basically a backup tool) and even though everything with him was deleted from my phone, on the google cloud or storage whatever you call it, it was all there in its glory and the feeling was too strong, I couldn’t stop myself this time, I just had to look at his amazing self one more final time. And felt exactly what you felt when looking at yours, how could someone be so outstandingly adorable, it felt like for a hour or so, I was completely smitten again, like he was new again. But he wasn’t and I knew that. After I had my last I hope view of him the feeling came back much more intense this time and thoughts of him started rushing through again, I felt like I failed myself just as I thought they were going they came back as prevalent as before. And I’m starting to think, maybe I should go back but at the time I know what I’ll do, and want to feel I guess free from this obsession of sorts, which I have in the past and it’s one of the most liberating feelings, but that time my thoughts around the COs were different. plus that’s not the Dan that exists today, he’s an IT and and top of that a father himself, which I just found out some days before I tried to limit my consumption of him with the thought that’s someone’s own father out there, and I don’t know but that changed my perspective of him quite drastically, Before knowing I guess I thought I wasn’t doing anything that bad by crushing on the younger version of someone, but finding out they had children made me do a full 180, the thought of intensely crushing on someone’s father now is one of the reasons I’ve been trying to move on, I guess it just feels uncomfortable to me. Like I wouldn’t go up to a random persons father on the street per se and talk about how attracted I am to them as a teenager. Which I didn’t think of before. Also I made the mistake of checking his LinkedIn, which in order to see their whole profile you need to sign up, which I did because I thought a little social media stalking wouldn’t hurt due to being used to that with the other ones, unbeknownst to me LinkedIn actually alerts the person whose profile you’re checking, which caused me to be reported twice, which at the time I was confused by, then I found out and I felt extremely disappointed in myself by the fact that this action was normal to me, and most of my other COs didn’t mind but the difference was notoriety, the last ones were famous for a while so the members were used to attention, as for Dan. He was in one mini series, then left the industry as a whole. Moved on with his life, which is fine, I congratulate him on living a content life with his family and himself !. So reasonably he would be on some level of discomfort or even fear, considering I checked the profile fortnightly or so for 6 months, god knows how many alerts he got. But that was normal to me checking out the profile, thinking I wasn’t doing anything wrong, but for him I was. It felt like I was harming him in a way, the reporting’s were definitely a sign from him that he felt some negativity. Which I didn’t intend but the thought has stuck to me to this day that I made my CO and someone’s own father scared. which has been playing in my mind, the teenage him didn’t share that problem. To combat the strong thoughts I’ve tried to move back to the latin boy band members, even though it’s comforting and quite refreshing to come back to a old fandom that still has fans, (the fandom for the series dan was on basically died out.) It just doesn’t feel the same anymore, it’s like a spark that faded out. Don’t get me wrong, I still have respect for the group and it’s members, they had a positive influence on my life during horrible times and the same for others. So props to them. But they just don’t have the same effect on me anymore, there’s really no fulfilment. The only redeeming part I missed was the community. Everything else I could care less. I’ve tried finding other celebrity crushes to get my mind off. but I swear that blue eyed wonder changed something In me because even though my interests are shifting slowly to a slightly higher named celebrity, from Germany as well. (Actually toured with westlife for a while during the early 00s) and he’s quite handsome, even in his teenage and adult years. And I’m attracted but it just feels like that. Like some guy that’s kinda cute. Not on the same level as dan was. Despite sharing similarities appearance wise, blue eyes, brunette hair. I just don’t feel the same attraction or connection as with dan. I know that sounds weird but I hope y’all get what I mean. So at the moment I’m stuck in this dilemma of what to do with the never disappearing thought of dan. Should I move to the other German guy? But still have the lingering thoughts of dan.
  21. I completely understand your points, I understand a subject like COs depending on the situation can be hard to advise for, but the reminiscent of a person you know thing is exactly on the spot. I’m no expert but I guess the feeling of obsessing over the similarities than the actual person they remind you of is due to knowing the celeb is out of your reach, like a fantasy so the mind takes over, supposed to real people that you know and don’t have that connection with in that way because it would be considered basically creepy, also they’re people you care about so that doesn’t come into effect or if it does not on the same level as a CO who shares those traits or looks. That’s just a guess though. I’m not sure if any of y’all have experienced the feeling of shifting the love from the real crush to the closest CO version per se. That’s what I basically did. I had this mentality that the real crush found someone, but this frozen in time version of my CO hasn’t. But then the thought of knowing, he has also found someone, he isn’t the same guy he was during that time, you’ll never get the chance gives me this sense of hopelessness that I’ll never meet that frozen in time younger version I guess if you get my jist.
  22. Greetings everyone, First off, I’m so grateful that theres a community of people who are going through the same experiences as I am, always thought I would be helpless in this obsession ground but I feel here’s a welcoming place to vent, which is pretty refreshing and of course get some advice from y’all. I’ve had many celebrity crushes in my life, and usually they were normal run of the mil crushes, posters, fan account followings, etc. until I’d say around mid November last year. At the time my main OC was a Latin boy band who disbanded around the mid 00s or somewhere around that time. Anyways I started to notice I really only paid attention to the younger versions of their selves, i was aware they have grown up, and have respectable lives that I congratulate them for having, problem was I had a thought which is hard to explain I guess, but when I thought about them, it was like in the sense they were still their younger ages (When they were in the media), currently. Additionally top of that only starting to read too much into lives and or scandals at the time of their prime. I kind of tried to dismiss the thoughts as me just being a natural over thinker, which did seem effective until one night i experienced my first anxiety attack around it thinking if I was being a horrible person by only seeing a idol in this frozen in time state, instead of focusing on them currently. Even though I’m a adolescent myself, I kinda felt like a creep because they aren’t the same people as they were back in 2002 or so. After that I tried to stray away from any interaction to do with them, slowly, until all I had was some pictures and that was basically it to remind me. I did phase out of them. Then some months go past and another CO comes around that’s still continuing to this moment, unlike the last one I had who were I guess b list musicians in Latin countries, this one was pretty much a blip, staring in only one Educational mini series from the mid 90s, which he looked ideal in my taste, blue eyes, brown hair, etc and kinda reminded me of real ex crush when it came to interests which he discussed on the show (kinda like zoom but with only 10 eps), I was completely tranced by him. Then he left the industry as a whole,(which kind of sucks due to the material from the series being educational and scarce, there’s less to feast on content wise then a boy band) and becoming a IT for some huge tech company in Germany at the moment. Which kind of irritates me that he’s probably the most private celebrity if you can call him that crush I’ve had, and him not even having any social media, instead residing for a LinkedIn, is quite the shift. I guess that’s one of the reasons I’m still into him is for that reason, I’m so used to finding out more then the basics. But I can’t. So it adds some mystery. I thought i was fine once again then recently the thoughts of the younger him started to take my mind over, I swear I can’t go a minute without thinking about his younger self with the dashing blue eyes. Guy is like Ken to me when he was my age in the 90s. but I’m aware he’s pretty much done a 360 since those days, and that’s fine, but again my mind only sees him as that pretty teen from Germany who’s an actor. which made my doubts come back and cause another attack some nights ago, this time the thoughts were turning suicidal I’m not sure why exactly, I guess the thought of the perfect guy I found not existing in that form anymore kind of setting me off. And the guy he reminds of has someone who’s my enemy. The show has a fandom though that does share some fans of the actors as well. Thus and still liking him I don’t want to depart just yet, but at the same time I feel I need some sort of distraction. I hope y’all can give me some advice. Best wishes
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