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  1. Greetings everyone, long time no see! Hope everyone’s trying their best during this time. Personally I’m at a negative standstill in my life with a plethora of somber events happening but I did finally get a debit card (here’s to saving and not spending it on records) Another one of these events kind of ties into how I view my CO currently. During last year I can admit I dabbled for 7 months in a certain plant, and over time It just started opening up a side of me I didn’t like at all, I understand for some it works for anxiety and issues along those lines but for me all it did was intensify it almost to the point of suicide due to how I suffered with depersonalisation long before this so it made it much more effective in making me seem like I’m not even existing which when around others at the time caused my brain to not even see them as family, after that incident on New Year’s Day of this year I decided I didn’t want any artificial happiness or be part of that stoner life, my parents are and now I look back at it through therapy which I’ve been attending for months now, they worried more about grams then their own child at times, they’re older than myself so I get that but I’m only 17, Each to their own I completely understand that but for me I want to stay the 4 month sober version of me, she’s much more free and realises she’s grounded! the problem is being around any paraphernalia or persons to do with this infamous plant, (which anyone with a ex addiction would know how this feels) you try your best to stray away but you walk a thin line, my relationship with my mother has been tarnished in my eyes seeing her do it for example. Being the only sober one in a house of enablers ain’t cool at all being a ex smoker. Another person who’s a user of this happens to recently be my CO which as someone who I looked up to due to her pure happiness no drugs needed lifestyle, being a user this whole time rocked my view of her. (And I’m certain anyone else can relate to this part) her being the last CO of what I call my childhood (before I went through addictions and the like) seeing this happen is for a fragile ex user is like a childhood ending thing If that makes any sense, I’ve looked up to a lie it feels. Doesn’t help there’s a photo of her in some studio which is heavy on drug use on their page with her looking out of it, red dilated eyes and all. And it’s her life and I get that, live and let live but I don’t know if I should stick to my CO or try to step out before my brain goes back into if she’s doing it you should too mode.
  2. Okay so update for those whom are active, and if you are I hope you are enjoying having a safe time during this global situation. So a day or so after the realisation of sorts, my mind started spiralling back into deep diving on forums about her, which I sincerely regret now since I’ve learnt some factors primarily for the worst, one being the fact she apparently romanticised a student teacher relationship on her talk show back in the 00s, since it’s apparently take it with a grain of salt but mixed the next story I heard being about her friendly connections with a man who sexualised a 17 year old singer, stating horrible things about her pants, just for the first time shook my reputation of her once again, the first time I paid no attention when I heard of her diva like behaviour and money scandals, instead trying to ignore them, but those stories were one of the nails in the coffin per se, now another story from a audience member at their newer concert details how her diva personality has one again taken place, this time to children, she promised her fans (since they’re a family band) photos, but instead when asked she declined and got security involved which has made me honestly disappointed in her knowing these are children who want to have a moment of grace with their hero, I guess never meet your heroes in this case unfortunately. Fortunately I’m focusing a lot more on my personal life and hobbies around this time.
  3. Greetings all on this day or night depending where you live, right now it’s early morning but it looks dark so I’ll just say it’s night. today has been quite the eventful day for my obsession and in a positive way. earlier I was reading a article about her journey to becoming an artist and something just flipped a switch in my mind, it made me realise that she’s like any of us, she’s a human who’s been through a fair share of occurrences instead of a characterisation which i usually see most of my COs in, it felt like my mind switched back into how I saw her at the beginning instead of delving deeper so it’s kind of shocking to see it progress naturally instead of force like usual. I’ve been looking at her less today and focusing more on my hobbies which is such a wonderful sensation.
  4. Finally someone feeling the same as I, whatever you do please refrain from that, think of mental fantasies, fanfics or drawings which can help in various factors. Mine has a reputation for being very sexual behind the scenes and is open about it which has lead me to find out there’s one **** of her out there from her teenage years (pre legal age) which I’ve always stopped myself from ever trying to find knowing that’s crossing her line and my line. Instead I went for making fakes or deepfakes of her older self after finding her fakes are popular on some sites. Which I feel disgrace in doing knowing it’s still a invasion of her privacy but it isn’t as bad as the real one that got destroyed years ago but circulated in newspapers during the 82-85. My thoughts of her have become quite sexual (not stalker wise but fantasy wise)
  5. Firstly congratulations and celebrate refraining your temptations, it may be hard at times but remember it’s a small step to a larger recovery. I currently can relate to your situation knowing how media can betray your idolised image of an idol and tear it down, unfortunately that’s how fame works in its core, it’s up to the person themselves to be who they want, to rise per se. Mine has been accused of many things to do with money, refusing help for a addict member, and taking money away from dead members families was the main heartbreak for me. But I’m still attached to her physical looks and personality fake or not. Don’t get me started on how my photos of her I crop or use pics that don’t have her kids in them.
  6. Long time no see! How is everyone during these difficult times first off? I hope everyone’s going as well as they can be. To any new users, you are not alone in this battle nor in this army of obsession, and we will help each other like the caring troops we are. So some time ago I had a obsession with this guy named Daniel from a quite obscure german series which I’m glad to say as of December 12th (I can’t be the only one that just remembers dates important to a CO or progressing) daniel has become another ended chapter in the book which I’m gracious for considering how I was so close to contacting him and I hope him well these days. Anyways after that, around late that month I started getting into a singer called Emilija K (won Eurovision 89) whom my obsession wasn’t really one, it was just a big admiration considering how her music helped me throughout a rocky home life, which felt refreshing finally not overthinking everything about an CO, she even commented on some fan posts of mine and another singer who’s a friend of hers I like also follows my Tiktok! I still put Emilija in that grouping of just a strong fan instead of a CO which the last time I probably did that was roughly around 2016 with the spice girls. so everything was going smoothly until my tendencies kicked in again and I started targeting my feelings onto a singer she did a duet with around the 80s. Now I won’t disclose her name because she’s quite relevant still and I kinda have the thought she’ll check since she does on Instagram for posts about her. So I’ll just call her sonya D. When I saw her video with Emilija i was blown away by how breathtaking her looks during the 80s were (in her 20s) and please don’t claim I’m shallow but usually my fixations go towards a attractive figure in my eyes, whether it be a band member or solo. If they’re pretty I’m like a Kat with yarn. after watching and downloading various photos onto my phone, I didn’t really consider it being anything on the level of Daniel or the Latin boy band prior. I honestly did think I was over CO’s until the usual regime of typing details about them, always checking for new stuff started coming back, this time it’s on a completely different level to Daniel or the boy band, while searching I found lots of talk about her “freakier” side which turned me on considering none of my former COs were as naughty as she was, which over time changed my view of her amongst other things (claims she stole money from members and acting diva like) into this love/hate relationship of her, her looks are so hard to distance from especially in her younger years, even knowing she has grown up children didn’t help my thoughts winding back either, I feel kind of angry at myself for viewing her like this instead of her impacts in Croatian music but at the same time I’m in the phase mid way where I can stay or go before it gets worse. Any advice?
  7. Sincerest Apologies for the delay, recently many emotional events have taken course in personal life thus posting wasn’t really on my radar per se For now I’m back though and hoping to respond more! As for Right now with the whole Daniel situation well things haven’t really evolved exactly from last time, still having the same mindsets, troubles limiting his material y’all know the rest One thing is I’m starting to feel insecurities when it comes to how much I consume his material though and just in general as much as seeing him makes me smile, it’s the same clips after same clips, unlike at the beginning when everything felt fresh, it’s starting to become grating to a sense which is honestly making me feel like I should move on more naturally this time as opposed to last time when it was sheer force which I’m thankful for but there’s no other CO at the moment I’m as focused on so I’m not sure where to go, so I’m sticking with him for now hoping another comes along like Daniel did for the lack of the Latin boy band. On a greater note one of the tech companies he partnered up with is doing a podcast with him in English which is perhaps the excitement needed in this after 25 or so years being inactive on a public medium, so it’s definitely a joy to see he’s comfortable doing kind of public appearances again! Even if it’s tech related But at the same time I’m scared the magic will fade by that point about him. Also deepest regrets if I don’t sound like myself, at the moment I’m not coping well emotionally so the input isn’t up to scratch.
  8. Honestly that’s great to hear you’re finally striving on with your hobbies and or anything In your life for that matter! as difficult as it may seem initially to switch your mindset to something unrelated, at least with time it shows wonders, whether it be slow or faster. This may sound out there at the moment but if you keep it up it might make the memories not as intense. honestly I’m in that phase but I’m still struggling. As for the whole love hate situation, haven’t we’ve all been there definitely understand where you’re coming from as well, COs are comparable to basically any addiction, (also heard attraction/crushes is one so take that as you will) it’s like a vice of sorts I guess, you keep pursuing, knowing it’ll damage you one way or another. The only good thing from that mindset is that knowing the risks may turn you off as a warning of sorts. And fans, oh honey fans are a completely different life form themselves, they’ve got more problems then the rest of us, or even anyone could handle! correct me if I’m wrong, but by psycho fans, you’re referring to the types who either step over his personal boundaries or just full on fight over petty subjects with fellow fans. Glad you’re not associating yourself with those types either, considering from experience they can cause even more toxicity, even for yourself. One of the reasons i started to lose interest in at the time fading COs from a Latin boy band, I know it wasn’t their fault (also not to mention the fact some members reposted stolen restored photos I modified from other accounts and racism for being a fan from a non Latin country, etc..) Even with the current main CO. Daniel, had his fair share of not as deluded as your COs fans per se, but mainly perverted ones, actually both psycho fans and creeps need help . despite me thinking when I first discovered him that due to the series size and his short lived “acting career” (if you can even call it that) that he couldn’t possibly have fans, or any toxic at that, but gee was I wrong when I discovered that the creepy fans were basically in masses as much as the normal fans. Which literally made my heart drop, and they went back to when the series started, around the mid 90s. I couldn’t even find high quality photos of him on the series unless I clicked on a site associated with MAPs (basically search it up if you want to know it’s meaning) which honestly, amongst other comments made about his teenage self even some by people in the fandom for the series, still even to this day made me feel extremely sorry for him, being a teenage guy at the time doing something to please his ambitions, just at the same time being viewed as a toy to sick, perverted men, nobody deserves that. due to that a complete anger took over me, even though I knew there’s no possible chance anything would happen to him considering he’s a full grown adult now, it still equally upset me to the point i had to various days where I just tried to ignore it by focusing on something else. After that though, my view on him kind of changed, I still saw him as Daniel and still do but the thought that to others he was just a pin up made him seem In my view, tainted of sorts. but long story short they can kind of taint the COs image if you understand my jist. Usually in negative ways depending how deep down the rabbit hole they are.
  9. Update: On a good note, i was checking Instagram earlier and noticed one of my celebrity crushes friends followed me!
  10. Sorry for the delay, once again! Basically due to the provider. (During hotter months the signal gets unbearable, where I am it’s almost spring which can be quite the heatwave at times) anyways, firstly. Don’t blame this on yourself as much as it’s impossible not to considering it’s our friend of all things, but remember she stated we helped her out which is last time I checked positive! same here, as much as I’m trying to limit the consumption of Daniels materials, and or finally starting to focus on other pursuits, my minds at the moment, which I hope can change, stuck in the same gear, sure some can relate here. Congratulations on the urges being less painful than before! It’s a step towards something great at most. You’re not alone in the common sense/decision game, can’t speak for everyone but honest to god it can go out the window in most cases. Let’s be content that we aren’t like one of those fanatic kpop fans who stalk their idols down to a t. Compare that and we still keep some smartness intact Some days ago the urges that returned caused me to go on another “stalking spree” this time I discovered a newer website that had his birthdate and location, only accessible via signing up, similar to LinkedIns method, as much as I desperately wanted to, (maybe we share a star sign in common!) the sense kicked in, so I closed the page and made the decision to watch YouTube instead, (kind of like a way of forgetting for a while) which it does. But ever after that, the thought still strongly lingers, knowing there’s something I’m potentially missing out on. Even if it’s something as small as a birth date, or location. No offence but hell yeah! That’s wonderful that someone you follow got his attention plus you never know, he probably saw your comment as well and took it in good terms, plus considering he’s got some notoriety to him, he’s probably seen worse from fans. As long as you wrote something respecting him. glad to hear you enjoyed your night as a whole Here’s to more coming! As much as fellow fans can be a pleasure, at the same time it definitely can be a hell. Especially when the COs being displayed much more than before following which tempts tons of feelings. Not really sure what to say... but perhaps you could unfollow as much as it sounds dishonest, it might help in the long run.
  11. Apologies for the post being uploaded twice. Accidentally thought it was a new reply. If there’s any tech gurus here, can you delete it? So I ended up finding little to no information on the guy who looked like Dan, not even in the credits of the film he was featured in probably due to his character being a extra. Only thing i could salvage was the fact the male actors who were younger were French so that’s that. Discovering that half sent me into some spiral of anxiety knowing I could’ve finally moved on if more was out there about this guy, like a dan replacement of sorts. Despite dan pursuing some time as a small time actor, this guy’s is just a pure atom compared unfortunately. Also I’ve been reading over some of the previous posts and saw people were mentioning their COs by name, mind if myself joins in on that? his full name is basically Daniel Augustin (not the first result which is a semi famous actor, “the daniel” is Caucasian) god hope this doesn’t appear in google
  12. Even though we didn’t know each other personally starbucksjunkee, we all hope good fortune comes your way in your future endeavours. Heartfelt goodbye friend
  13. Even though we didn’t know each other personally starbucksjunkee, we all hope good fortune comes your way in your future endeavours. Heartfelt goodbye friend
  14. When does the season start? also seriously don’t worry, you’re not alone in this, even though my main CO is this guy let’s called him dan from a German educational series, I’m also regaining a love for 3 or so members from this Latin boy band I’m avidly into. don’t know if you’ve ever felt this, I’m sure you can relate that it feels like a crossroads deciding which to eliminate and choose.
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