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he do be lonely tho

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  1. Hello all. My name is Noah. I am a health researcher who has dealt with mental illness on and off for a few years now. I'm reaching out to talk about an odd form of obsession that I've been stuck on lately. Wondering if anyone has had a similar experience. Not long ago, I was someone who was relatively unconcerned with what I was putting into my body. I was twenty years old and never lived with any sort of fear of hurting myself. However, during the summer I meet up with some new friends and, on several occasions, smoked way too much marijuana. Like I had a crazy, negative experience both times that I still remember vividly. Worse yet, I was drinking so much coffee because of a stressful job and so I was anxious all the time. In a few instances, I literally made myself sick. It was a super unhealthy lifestyle and I regret it totally. Unfortunately, it seemed to have had a lasting effect on my psyche. I stopped drinking coffee at the end of the summer altogether because every time I did, I got this weird sense that I was dying. I felt so paranoid and anxious, mentally scanning my whole body, feeling breathless, and scared lifeless. But it turned out that coffee wasn't the only trigger. Even minor drugs, ordinary things like tums or sleep aids, just started to freak me out. I took every little body signal as a sign of catastrophe. And I couldn't shake this mode of perception for months. For a while I thought this was like a one in a million experience -- like what the hell had I done to myself. However, in talking to a few friends, I found that they also had these really strange, extreme fears that made no sense. A paper-thin twenty-something told me he thought he was going to have a heart attack. A perfectly healthy nineteen year old told me he thought he had cancer. While these were obviously illogical comments, I could empathize with them. Now I'm wondering if others have had a similar problem? I have no intent to try and normalize it (it sucks). Mostly just wondering if it is really that rare. --- Independent Health Researcher: patreon.com/noahlf Your experience is valuable, and makes you wise.
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