Hello! I'm new here, but I'd like to introduce myself by talking about a personal obsession that has been driving me crazy for some time.
Firstly, I'm 23 years old, but I've been obsessed with celebrities since I was 11. That's not good!
The reason behind my obsession for this specific celebrity began on 11 November last year, after watching an Argentine flick on TV where a naïve 19 year-old boy gets the lesson of his life: a gorgeous, seductive woman (a bit older than him) teaches him how to have tantric sex. They spent 60% of the movie naked and making love in different positions. Her voice sounded smooth and sexy while she was training that boy how to please her respectfully. I ended up quite sad, and aroused. Since then, I couldn't stop thinking about this leading lady. I started looking at her social media accounts every day (countless times a day), paying attention to her beauty but also to her daily activities. She's 40 years old, single (with a teenage son) and loves posting sultry pictures of herself in a partly egotistical way, discussing her own life or her cat's. She starred in 30 movies and in most of them, played attractive, free-spirited women who had no problem on appearing **** in front of the camera.
Earlier this year, I learned she was hired at my university to teach drama and that wasn't a mere rumor: it was the truth! Thankfully, she teaches at a different career than mine, but she's friends with some of my teachers. I study Multimedia Design at a public university in Buenos Aires, my hometown.
I love her and at the same time, I hate her. I don't need her in my life, but I'm filling my personal and moral voids with her pictures and movies in a way that's disgusting and offensive. I can't stop having sexual fantasies about her, imagining that she invites me to her home and takes my virginity! I've never had a girlfriend, I've never kissed a girl or went out on a date. I'm extremely shy and I get nervous easily. I'm a sexually repressed person: I can't admit publicly that I'm attracted to both girls and guys, and sometimes I enjoy more seeing two guys together in bed than a guy and a girl. In the past, I was obsessed with an older cousin for 2 years (she's 44 now) and it was difficult for me to get her out of my mind (she lived next door and I saw her every day). She's no longer close to me and my family because she moved to Andorra with her husband and kids. Thankfully, she didn't know I was attracted to her.
NOTE: I also engage in other kind of compulsory behavior, such as washing my hands many times a day (sometimes bruising them slightly) or try to avoid touching things for being afraid of catching COVID-19.
Can you give me any advice?