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justannabelle

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About justannabelle

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  1. Nice to meet you xoearlle, Let me start by saying I'm very sorry you're feeling this way. I can't say if what you're experiencing is depression or not, but at least for me the emotions you describe are very relatable and remind me of the early stages of my own depression. Having this internal voice constantly criticizing everything you do, think, and feel can be absolutely exhausting, and an inability to let go and cry (at least for me) was a sign of my depression ramping up. So I would agree with Zbrown that it's a good idea to reach out and look for help. Talking to your doctor is usually a good and relatively manageable first step. They can help you figure out what you're experiencing, what you need, and possibly recommend a therapist or treatment that could help you. Finally, let me say I am very glad you reached out here. Talking about what you're going through can be scary at first but it does help, and it can trigger positive change. If you're comfortable with it, let us know how things progress. We're all rooting for you, and we'll be here if you need a talk. Wishing you peace, and lots of luck, Annabelle
  2. I've switched from escitalopram to cymbalta about 6 weeks ago and while the drowsiness has gone away, the sweating hasn't. I also still get this annoying tingling sensation in my fingers. I'm really hoping the side effects will continue to diminish over the next couple of weeks, but in all honesty this drug has done wonders for my depression so even if the side effects continue, it's nice to finally feel like I'll be able to manage.
  3. Very relatable, on multiple levels 😞 Always feel free to check in here when you need to talk. We'll be here.
  4. Dear Thisisme, First of all, I'm very sorry you're going through this. Please don't give up just yet. I have no personal experience with venlafaxine, but most of the medications I've been on have taken a while to work, and it's not even unusual for things to actually get a bit worse before they get better the first couple of weeks. I'd give it another week at the very least, but if you're worried the medication is not right for you, talk it over with your doctor. They're here to help. It might take a bit of time to find out what works for you. Also therapy has helped me a lot in the past, if you're not trying that already, and you're open to the idea, I would definitely recommend it. And if you need to talk or vent, we'll be here. You're not alone. Wishing you peace, Annabelle
  5. I feel completely alone. Nobody cares that I'm not around. I might as well not be.
  6. Quick update. I went to see my doctor again about this. I explained how I was feeling and that the meds didn't seem to work anymore. She asked a bunch of questions and ended up calling some sort of mental health crisis center. Two psychologists will be coming to my house tomorrow to talk, and they should be able to get me an appointment with a psychiatrist soon. I have no idea what to expect and my anxiety is through the roof right now, but I do trust my doctor's judgement. We'll see what happens.
  7. Hi TechnicGeek, I'm so sorry about your friend. Narcissistic abuse is tough to recover from, especially if you've been exposed to it for many years, but it's absolutely possible. I was living with my narcissistic ex for about ten years before I finally got the courage to leave. That's about two years ago now, and I'm nowhere near healed, but I'm still working on it and I do see progress. I also got to know some other victims along the way who have recovered. There is definitely hope. The problem with emotional abuse is that it slowly reprograms your brain to believe you are absolutely worthless, and that anyone who claims you're not is just saying it out of pity or because they want something from you. That's a tough belief to break. Add to that the loss of a loved one, and it's not hard to see why someone would feel like there's no point in being here. I feel for your friend. For me personally, learning about how emotional abuse works really helped. I remember reading about the various techniques narcissists typically use, and reading experiences from other victims, and being just stunned at how incredibly similar they were to mine. Almost as if abusers all use the same playbook; it was seriously uncanny. Realizing that these were intentional techniques, and understanding how they worked, helped me to realize that my mind was playing tricks on me. It also gave me hope that I could do some reprogramming myself to get rid of all the false beliefs he put into my head all these years. It triggered me to want to work on this. Maybe it will give your friend a bit of hope too. Also, if your friend is open to it, I would really recommend therapy. Emotional abuse messes with your head so much, having someone 'on the outside' to point out when a belief is probably 'planted' is so helpful. I can't count the times I thought I was being perfectly rational in a conclusion only to find that it was based on a false belief about myself. It's a rough ride, and it takes a lot of time, but there is definitely hope. Sorry I can't be of more help, like I said I'm still healing myself, but hopefully sharing what helped me so far can be beneficial to your friend as well. Wishing you both all the best.
  8. I can relate to that feeling, and I'm sorry you're going through this. Here's a few things that I've found useful. They help sometimes, sadly not all the time, but often enough for me to try them whenever I feel like this. Write the anxiety down. I don't mean journaling (although journaling can be extremely helpful as well), I mean literally writing down whatever comes to mind, getting it out of your body and onto the paper. It could literally just be "I hate this I hate this" repeated over and over, if that's what you're feeling. Just get it out. I've found that it helps a lot with the nagging feeling of nervousness and anxiety. Make little changes. My depression will often convince me that activities I used to really enjoy are now too stressful or boring or I'm just too tired to try. Sometimes it helps for me to make little changes to the activity. I will move my laptop to another part of the room to play a game. I will sit on a pillow on the floor to watch a movie instead of on the sofa. Little things like that. I realize this sounds ridiculous, but sometimes it can trick my brain into believing I'm doing something 'new and exciting', and tip me over the edge into action. Start small. As jkd_sd already mentioned, aiming small can really make a difference. For example, I'll tell myself I will just get up and make myself some tea, and that's all I need to do. It gets me up off the sofa or the bed and often that's all I need to 'get going'. Action triggers action. Shift your focus to someone else. This one is really tough for me since I tend to isolate, but when I do manage to do it, it almost always brings a bit of relief. The idea is to get my mind off myself and distract it by talking to a friend or to someone online. Preferably actually talking instead of chatting(typing). It gets me out of my head, which usually helps with my anxiety. Everyone is different, and what works for me might not work for you, but I thought I'd share in case you'd like to give it a try. Wishing you all the best, and hope you can find a little peace today.
  9. I'm grateful for the dear friends I've made online, and how they allow me to feel connected when I can't manage to leave my apartment or talk out loud. I'm grateful for my cat who's always there for a snuggle when I'm at my worst, and who gives me a reason to get up in the morning. I'm grateful for the real life friends who give me the time and space I need right now while still checking in from time to time with words of encouragement.
  10. Thank you so much for this perspective. I can work with this.
  11. Thank you very much for the replies and for the welcome. It's nice to have a place to talk about these things openly. I appreciate you taking the time to read my story and respond. The last couple of days were really rough, still struggling today but at least I'm feeling somewhat calmer. In response to Epictetus, I am on medication as well (escitalopram and trazodone) which used to really help me, though lately I've been feeling the effects less and less. I will speak to my doctor about this. Thank you everyone.
  12. I've been struggling with depression for almost as long as I can remember. I started therapy again in September last year since I felt I couldn't handle it without help anymore. For a while now my therapist has been trying to get me to accept that my depression will be with me for the rest of my life. Yesterday, it finally clicked. She is right, I've been vulnerable to depression my entire life, and it's not going to go away. There will be moments when it's manageable, and there will be moments when it's not. I should learn to live with it and find more and better ways to cope instead of trying to aim for a "cure". While I'm sure she sees this as a major breakthrough for me, I feel as if I've been given a life sentence and this realization has just completely broken me. I feel like the last tiny bit of hope I had left is now gone, and I've been fighting an invincible enemy all these years. I could never have won this. I could handle it, all the falling and getting up again and again and again as long as I knew what I was fighting for, something at the end of all this, something better. I was fighting to get through this, because the life 'on the other end' was a life worth living, and I wanted it so much to be mine. I can't realistically keep doing this my entire life. Major episodes occur more often as I get older and they're always worse than the last one. I feel utterly defeated and exhausted.
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