I'm 38 years old, friendless and an easy target for bullies. For as long as I remember I've been bullied and I want to change so people like me and be my friend. I never had an easy life, my dad used to bully me and my sisters and pretty much everyone else did too. With bullying came depression and I remember when I was 10 i swallowed pills just so it would stop. I've tried a few times and it didn't work. I used to cut myself but now I pull my hair out, not chunks just strands, I've bald spots and my hair is thinner, it makes me feel better, to me it doesn't matter if I have nice hair as I've been told I'm ugly countless times so why have nice hair, is my thinking, its not normal and I know it's not but I'm ashamed to see the doctor. I work in care, it's low paid and thankless but it's a job I enjoy as I treat people how I'd like to be treated myself. One of the colleagues there is older and makes comments about me to others in front of me, her children used to shout how ugly I was whenever I walked past them. I don't know what I've ever done to them or anyone to be treated so poorly and hated.
Sorry its a jumble, I'm in tears and just off a long shift, I just can't carry on with how things are anymore. What do I do