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About Jonesy

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  1. What a sweet soul ! I am blessed to have read this letter.
  2. What a moving testament to your ability to take responsibility for your actions and your sincere attempt to make things right. May I add a cautionary remark to you (ie. this is to say that I think you should change your letter itself): please build up a Plan B for the holidays, so that everything does not depend upon your mother quickly responding, responding positively, and having a visit go well. I am a bit concerned that your situation become too vulnerable for you unless you have alternative plans, just in case things take a while or you hit some bumps along the way.
  3. Hi, the workplace is so often utterly toxic for folks with mental health challenges ... and then getting a job or keeping a job when you "come out" as someone with sensitivity, depression, anxiety, or even as someone who needs a part-time schedule so you can recover from the demands of being at work: that all too often means being bombarded by stigmatizing cruelty by "normals" who feel more secure if they are putting someone else down. It sounds like you have some options and that perhaps your parents will deal with this situation in a more humane way. Wishing you wellness !
  4. Not to mention the fact that Christmas songs are played in all the stores to prompt us to buy stuff, so its (1) lousy music that for me is (2) associated with so many key moments of my awful childhood and my sadistic parents and siblings, (3) plus the retail vortex, put together ! Arrrghh !
  5. Hi Hinnage, It sounds like you are on the right track ... giving therapy your priority seems like a good move ... It can be hard when you suffer from depression to lose a relationship partner. You are getting help, which is great, but self improvement takes a long time and a lot of sustained introspection and courage; and it sounds like, unfortunately enough, this person has put up a boundary and is saying the relationship is over. Of course, you will have to accept that she is completely within her rights to postpone talking with you, and to make talking conditional upon your going through therapy. It does sound like this is very tough going for you, so do take care of yourself. Wishing you good health !
  6. Hello, welcome to this safe space, and by all means just look around, get to know the site and see how you feel just being here. No rush, no pressure. Be well.
  7. Thanks to both of you for your kindness ... Delighted to be signing in on my smartphone, so glad to see the site works well in Mobile mode!
  8. A quick note to say "welcome" , and to add my two cents: I have found that when I am under intense stress, my panic attacks come very often; last a long time; respond poorly to medications; and are really freaking frightening. Depression: my _lifelong_ condition. Panic: very much _limited_ to the most stressful times of my life. Again, just an observation in passing.
  9. Welcome, Derendia. You are welcome and appreciated here ! Please give yourself some credit: you are in fact a survivor, which takes a lot of courage and strength. Plus you have a job, and you are facing your transgender transition with honesty and character. The transition is difficult even for those with tons of support and resources !!! Can you find a LGBTQ community center with a transgender group near you? Can you travel to a city that has one for a short vacation? There is nothing like peer support; it has made all the difference for my dear transgender friends !!! If not, can you find some online resources ? Again, welcome to this safe place, and be well.
  10. Dear all, I have been on and off this forum for years, as a guest, and under various aliases ... I wanted to rejoin to say hi to everyone here, and to let you know how valuable this forum has been to my survival and (uneven) recovery from a full blown breakdown. Came out of that disaster having crashed out of a professional career, got dumped by my partner of eight years, and cheated out of a decent income by my former employer (long story) ... I used to be anxious, bitter, angry, and hugely volatile, plus heavily medicated ... now I am steadier, less medicated, settling into a new town, and (more or less) accepting that I must work at a part-time minimum wage job to make ends meet for two years until I can get access to my retirement savings. I am now single, fully divorced from my violent and toxic family, and I have lost a lot of "friends" to mental health stigma and the breakup. Slowly reaching out again to humanity via church and Meetup. An important personal note: a couple of years ago I adopted a Lab puppy who has matured into a very active best friend who gets me up and out every single day, even on the mornings freighted by profound sadness and loneliness. I have been in therapy for over twenty years, albeit with several changes in practitioners, and I am under the care of an excellent psychiatrist. Managed to get onto SSDA after enduring an appeal and legal action. Which means I also have Medicare, which is a godsend since I am nowhere near 65. I did a stint in psych hospitals, both state and private, and I know DBT and all that fairly well. I use those skills on a more casual basis these days, being somewhat jaundiced and yet well aware of their importance. Well, its another Thanksgiving holiday rolling around this week,. and for me at least, this is not an easy time. On the one hand, I am a naturalized US citizen, meaning that my utterly toxic childhood was spent outside the US and that Thanksgiving is less of a deep psychic wound as a result ... But, on the other hand, I have lived here for about 30 years, I have racked up many American Thanksgivings good, bad, and indifferent -- and I find myself alone at this time, like I said, steady but not exactly jumping for joy. I punch a clock this Thursday at my retail job, for a day shift, and then I will come home to ... well, my beloved dog, my secure home, a well stocked fridge, and a Netflix evening ... it will not be awful, but I know there will be some sad moments ... in which I will feel utterly set apart from any sense of being loved and embraced within a homey setting. So, this seems a good time to share with like minded others an affirmation: I promise to do what I can to be mindful and to take care of myself, and to honor the gratitude that is authentic, even in this lean moment of relative social deprivation. Wishing you all the very best during this challenging week ! Here's to Healthy Holidays for All of Us , especially to those of us who sometimes feel like self esteem and groundedness are elusive, and that life seems to lack sufficient meaning. Yours, Jonesy
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