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Kenneth8825's Achievements


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  1. If I could take the exam again or re-enroll in med school I would have done that a long time ago, of course. Sorry to sound negative, but the woman with severe strabismus did she have a romantic partner? Even if she did a man with the same disabilities would have a very tough time with finding someone.
  2. What really frustrates me, is when people act as if my situation is no big deal. I have got help with my eye, but still unemployed, and the thing is, having 1 point on a standardized exam stop me from becoming a doctor, ending a life long dream and a chance to have purpose and pull myself out of poverty, that destroyed my heart more than people understand. I honestly question if I should have just ended my life last year like I planned. Because of med school I am left with monumental debt and no way to ever pay it back really, also my credit score will be destroyed so ever owing a home is a stretch. All because I dared to try and make something out of myself. My mood alternates between being furious and suicidal. Sorry for the rant I just feel super low today.
  3. How can I say this. In a very short time my life fell apart, and I now I don't feel like leaving the house. On my worse days, I feel suicidal. I was an overachiever. In 2018 I was dismissed from medical school because I missed the passing score for the board exam by 1 point. I can't explain how heartbroken I was because of that. I had to move back home at the age of 30 and try to start life over. I taught for 1 year but I ****ing hate teaching, but in this area that is the only respectable job I can do with my biology degree and make decent money. I had plans to take the GRE and apply to another graduate program, and then my eye decided to stop working. I already had social anxiety, but since developing strabismus (lazy eye) I don't even want to leave the house. My eye is like permanently turned outward. Every time I go somewhere people stare at me with a look of pity, and people talk to me like I am slow. I can't take this shit, I feel like my life and body are falling apart and I don't know what to do. I'm unemployed and I don't have health insurance, so sclerals are out, I could maybe try hard contacts but those are expensive too. The only way I could really get healthcare is by working as a teacher, and teaching with my eye like this would make the school year even more hell for me. Kids bully teachers and call them names too. Sorry for the rant I'm just at such a low ****ing place right now. When I think about what my life could have been, when I see what past classmates are doing, I don't feel like trying anymore. I don't want to be here anymore.
  4. In the last few years my life completely fell apart, my health went to shit, so did my career prospects, I'm 33 and even though I did well in college and got into grad school, I couldn't make it in grad school now I'm back home living with my parents like a loser. Every time I try to pull myself up, my health gets worse. I take a step forward and get knocked back 2. I am very close to just being done living.
  5. I'm very short on hope nowadays, coming back to this thread after months because I feel really low, lower than I have felt in a long time. I don't think I'll ever have a career that I enjoy, I don't think I'll ever lose weight, I don't think I'll ever have a good relationship with my family, I don't think there will ever be a woman that loves me. I have effectively given up. Once you get to the point where I am now, where you are just living as a shell of your former self, you might as well be dead. I was a med student, I was going to make something of my life after living in poverty. I guess not. I'll never forgive myself for letting an opportunity like that slip through my fingers. I have never had suicidal thoughts before, but if my life keeps going like this, I can see it as a very real option.
  6. Life takes a toll on us in every way. We damage ourselves physically by not exercising, over eating, and working ourselves to death. We damage ourselves mentally by stressing out over every little thing. We constantly stress about the mistakes we’ve made and the state of our world. Every failed relationship, every heartbreak, every person that uses us and disregards our feelings does leave an emotional scar to the point where you can end up hating the opposite sex. To summarize, life takes a toll on us in every way. At 18 I thought I could do anything, so I went forth and gave maximum effort, confidence led to results at least for a while. But I recently had a birthday where I turned 32, and I know I can’t do anything because I have failed. I've disappointed myself and others, I’ve failed in basically every area of my life to the point where I just don’t want to try anymore. I really wish there were some way to regain the positive confidence of my youth where I thought I could do anything. I wish there were some way to have a positive can do attitude despite all my failures. If I could somehow create a positive attitude and coupled with the wisdom I have now, I could become successful and achieve my life goals. But every time I want to study for the GRE, all I can think about is how I flunked out of med school, everytime I plan to diet I just think about all the times I lost weight and gained it all back. My failures keep me complacent. How? How is anyone positive after constant failure?
  7. I honestly have no hope. Ever since I failed out of med school my life has been hopeless. I will probably give it a couple of years, if I am still miserable, I will **** myself.
  8. Hi, sorry if I don't write much but I am constantly tired. I just want to know if anyone here ever had extreme hopelessness about the future and how they changed. A little background on my life and why I feel this way. From 2014-2017 I was a medical student and attached all my self worth to that. I worked really hard to get into med school, so when I failed out I had no idea who I was anymore, I was truly worthless. A lot of people have said to me that I have worth just because I am alive , but I don't see it that way. A 30 year old, unemployed loser with no kids, no friends, and tons of student debt is pretty much worthless to society. I have been trying my best to pick myself up and move on with my life after my med school failure but hopelessness keeps me frozen. Just today I researched " how to regain hope" and the biggest tip I found was to find positive people and talk to them but I have no friends. I am already on medication, my therapist could care less, I feel like I just need regular friends I can open up to, hopelessness and loneliness is ******* me.
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