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Lundi_Hvalursson

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  1. I am not a Reddit user, but I try to avoid places like that due to the comments. I also try to avoid mainstream media, because they talk about this like it is very important. I remember one TV programme where the panel were all women in their 40s and 50s, and quite a lot of them were making fun of a guy (I think some athlete or something) who admitted to being 30 and a virgin. I thought that if women are berating this guy so badly, how do I have a chance in dating. I think that senior citizens are usually less judgemental. The older someone is, the more likely it is that they have had their ego dropped because life experience teaches one that no one is perfect, and that superficially judging other people is simply stupid. If you are like me, maybe you feel better with older crowds. I cannot most stand people in their 20s, usually the NT types. Although I am in my twenties myself, they seem so much more immature, and I thus gravitate towards people who are at least in their mid-40s. I think that people even when they reach 40, they see that the way that they could superficially look good and act cool back when they were younger is over, because almost everyone experiences bodily decline at 40. The humility factor goes up at that age.
  2. I would not mind meeting women who are virgins at 30+, be it 35, 40, whatever. To me that does not define a person. Unfortunately mainstream society seem to have other opinions. I also have self-conscious thoughts about how people perceive me. I feel like there is a big light shining on me and everyone is looking at me to judge me even more. That might come more from the social anxiety and Asperger's than the virginity problem though. It is nice to know that there are however more female virgins at 30+ than I previously had thought. I always had this perception that 99%+ of all people at age 30 in Western countries are non-virgins, which significantly made me feel terrible.
  3. What usually affects me most is not only the social stigma, but the stigma that many women have. I feel like opportunities are going down quickly as many women, at least here where I live, believe that it is insane for a man to be 30 and a virgin. Which means that they would never choose a man like that. So if so many women have this opinion, I feel like as I get older, even less will want me. I do not know which country you are from. My guess is Spain or Italy. In any case, here where I live people are very judgemental; anyone out of the norm is ridiculed. I think that in other countries the stigma is less strong.
  4. True, I try not to worry about those things that I cannot control. A lot of people are very race-conscious here. But on the other hand, if certain women do not like me solely because I do not look like a blonde-haired, blue-eyed Anglo/Northern European, I myself probably would not want to date them either. My awkwardness was even worse as a child. When people talked to me, I would just have a blank stare on my face. I was called an idiot and retarded for this, and it took me until I was a teenager to look at least slightly normal and converse with people. My mother told me that she was the same as a child, and that her parents (my grandparents) plus other family thought that she was seriously a mute or mentally retarded. I attend weekly meetups when I can, and I will attend one this Sunday. I try not to expect anything, because I am so accustomed to disappointment. But they say that connections happen when one least expects it. Who knows.
  5. It is comforting to know that women like you exist. Here where I live people are very judgemental, and both male acquaintances/friends and women have told me that I must be weird or mentally ill to be a virgin this long. I know that men can be stupid when talking about sex and virginity, but hearing women say that I am basically undateable or extremely odd hurts a lot when hearing it real time face-to-face. I would like to meet women who think like you. Where I live (San Francisco), the an attractive man is supposed to be outgoing, extroverted, have a six-figure income, multiple cars, multiple women, vast sexual experience, etc. I am the complete opposite of all of these traits. My mother had once revealed to me that she was a virgin until age 27, and not out of choice. She is timid, awkward, quiet and introverted; basically a female version of me. Yet in her time she did not receive derogatory comments. Both men and women usually make negative comments when they find out of my situation. It may be that men are judged more on their sexual experience, and are evaluated more harshly. I do try approaching sometimes. My awkwardness leaves me looking quite odd at times, but I try. I think that you are the first in a long time, if at all, to call me a "nice catch". I guess that few women here think that.
  6. I studied most of my life, since age 4-5 throughout my twenties. I was so studious as a young child that I even studied obsessively arithmetic in primary school and never had any friends. My whole life was study, study, study. In my mid-twenties I had some health problems with my stomach as well. So even if I could somehow get a date, I would have problems because I would feel nausaeous throughout the day and the date would most likely be a disaster. I have degrees in mathematics, pre-med molecular biology and chemical engineering. But due to not getting anything in those fields, I am a translator. Definitely not lucrative or amazing, and not sure what women think of that occupation. I used to try to find what it is about me that they would consider unattractive. I am not a White Anglo American looking person, I am of Chinese and Spanish descent so I look Latino/Hispanic. Where I live (San Francisco) I have heard many times that being White is one of the most important things for getting dates with women. My height is average (178 cm/5'10") and I am not overweight (75 kg/170lb). I did try going out with one woman two weeks ago, and one of the first things she told me was, "You look like a Mexican." What really messes me up is my awkwardness though. I can actually feel and see my own awkwardness in real time, yet cannot stop it. I have trouble talking to me even if I approach them. I cannot tell if they are talking literally or are making a joke, saying a euphemism or metaphor, or what not. Maybe you are right, I am just trying too hard. I feel like I have to meet someone and not be a virgin before age 30 just so that I can claim a degree or normalcy. But at 29 years and 11 months, trying to accomplish in one month what I have been unable to do in my whole life is quite likely way too difficult and too much pressure on myself. I have very ambitious goals. I am planning to move to Europe as soon as I can to go to medical school there, as well as earn my grandmaster title in chess. Maybe women over there are not as tough on me as over here, who knows. Maybe my goals would be a plus for them, who knows. I hope so, though.
  7. It is not about taboos or religion, it is about self-esteem. Assuming that is even legal like in Amsterdam, to have to resort to do that whilst for other males it just happens naturally when they find girlfriends, it would make one feel worthless instead. To say that one's first time was done that way because they could not get any will stick for life. Imagine telling future girlfriend(s) about that. The only incident that I have heard is from a friend who said that he had tried this years ago, and feels low self-esteem up to this day because he had to pay for what most men get for free. Personally there is something about SF that I feel makes it harder. When I lived in the UK, I seemed to meet more women than back here at home. Problem was that when I was in the UK, I was studying all the time and was barely thinking about women. Now I have much more time, but it seems like less opportunities. I am not sure how much the gender ratio in SF is affecting this.
  8. This is good advice, thanks for responding. Sometimes I feel half and half. I am proud of my achievements, three STEM degrees, accomplishments in activities like chess, and being able to know five foreign languages to C1/C2 level despite being largely self-taught. This is the good half where I feel very good of myself. Some women have told me over the years that they have never met someone who had the capabilities to do all these things. Then there is the over half of me, where I am clearly deficient in social and dating lives. Maybe I read and listened to much to the media, as well as payed too much attention to the people who made fun of my situation. I conjured this opinion of my failure with women as, "Not only single but also a virgin at 29? What kind of loser am I?". In academic/cognitive stuff, I feel excellent. In relationships, however, I feel like the lowest of the low. It is true that if I were 29 and had a girlfriend and were not a virgin, I could have other problems that would lower my self-esteem. This issue seems to be a massive burden upon my shoulders though. Any little comment, such as when a woman once told me, "No sane man can possibly be a virgin past age 25. He would have to have severe mental issues to be like that," seem to affect my impression of myself a lot. I do feel terrible, but I probably put too much pressure on myself. It probably comes from the academic side of me, but I feel like every day is one step closer to turning 30 and still being in this situation. I do not want to be desperate and look like I need a relationship tomorrow. But somehow it just happens this way. When I was much younger and felt no pressure about relationships, it just did not happen as well.
  9. Thanks for responding. To be honest, since childhood up to around my early/mid twenties, I had very few friends and almost zero dating life. I was so preoccupied with studying that I essentially forgot about everything else, including socialising and dating. My peers were thinking about relationships and going out with friends; I on the other hand was thinking about the next coursework and exams. I almost regret studying so much, as weird as it sounds. Studying two degrees at the same time in uni really cancelled my chances of a social/dating life at a point when most young people are in their prime. It was not until I was around 25 that I realised that I went all those years without really very much socialising and basically zero dating. In my mid twenties I went periods without socialising, as in more than one month without talking to people except in situations that required it such as going to the store. At 26 I joined meetup groups and still go weekly to meetups. I am on dating sites, but I find it strange. Despite having anxiety and awkwardness, I feel more comfortable face-to-face than over the Internet. You are right about anxiety though. I think that generally women with anxiety get approached by men, so the women themselves do not have to do the approaching. Men with anxiety have it quite hard--men who do not even have anxiety also have problems approaching, so imagine men with anxiety. My mother had once revealed to me that she was a virgin until age 27. Yet she said that it was fairly easy for her, because as a woman she did not have to do the approaching, plus people did not insult her or call her names for being a virgin. As a male, I can attest that both men and women think less of older male virgins. Besides "comedy" films like 40 Year Old Virgin, I remember being told on occasion by women that I was weird enough to be 25+ and a virgin, and that I must have some severe mental issues or very religious. Except I am not religious and am not practising abstinence...I just ended up this way without wanting to. It is true that women vary on how they view someone in my situation. Male acquaintances and male friends are more brutal--they outright insult male virgins and call them very derogatory names, worse than the average name-calling like "loser" or "pathetic". I do not know how exactly women view female virgins in the same situation, but based on my mother's experience, women seem to not insult as much as the men. True, many men lie about experience. It is part of trying to live up to a fictional "alpha male" personality or to look good amongst their peers. I am very blunt and straightforward--I just say directly that I never had a girlfriend. But that is when many women seem to raise eyebrows. I am not going to lie to make myself look normal. But I tell the truth and risk looking weird.
  10. Hi everyone. I am a 29 year old male from San Francisco, California, USA who has never been able to have a girlfriend and am still a virgin despite not wanting to be. I turn 30 in October. Since today is the first day of September, I am naturally quite concerned that I will be turning 30 next month being in this state. I have always been a shy, introverted, anxious and awkward person. Perhaps I spent too much time studying, focussing my entire life up until my mid-20s on studying. I studied two degrees in university, mathematics and pre-med molecular biology, thus having twice the courseload of a regular student. I neglected my entire social life, and had no dating life to speak of. I spent basically the whole day trying to stay afloat with my studies. My only other serious hobbies were and are introverted activities, such as competitive chess and foreign languages. When I was around 25 I felt very lonely and sad that I still had never had a girlfriend and was still a virgin. I felt pain knowing that to be a virgin this old as a male is very taboo and looked down upon. I joined meetup groups, met some interesting people, and went on a few dates, but it seemed that women just did not like me. So here I am at age 29 and 11 months old, still without a girlfriend and still a virgin. I feel very depressed and enormous shame for how I am. I feel depressed as well for feeling missing out on love and sex like most males my age. But what really pains me is seeing and hearing comments from women that someone in my situation must be very weird to have always been single and a virgin. Especially since I am not religious, so I am not practising abstinence at all. I just simply ended up this way. I would like if any female members here have any opinion of this. I have lived most of my life in USA and went to uni in Britain. But my general impression was that both American and British women would find me totally undateable, unattractive and a weird freak due to being single and a virgin at almost 30. I hope my fears are not true though. Any advice/thoughts would be appreciated.
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