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Everything posted by Resistor

  1. It's my birthday! a full thirty-eight. I worked till noon, went for lunch with the girlfriend, resumed work, finished early and decided to have some fun, so I played doom 2. Tonight I'm drinking red wine watching my shows, not too long now before I jam Sisters of Mercy and take stock of my life.
  2. Many of us relate to feeling like this. It is awful and soul crushing. Coming from an extreme misanthropic and angry place, I find it difficult to hope. The best I can do is push my reservations about the future down below the surface. With that drab sentiment said, I admit I become quite stubborn and refuse to give even without hope, all because of the wonderful people on DF. Hearing everybody's stories, and reading how you all push forward and dig deep against all odds, gives me courage too.
  3. I stopped stopping in there cause I could never find anyone there It would be nice if there were regular chat meetups for times when we feel chatty.
  4. I woke up crying again. It is a strange awkward pattern that brings some semblance of bitter-sweet relief. Maybe it's a sign that I spend too much energy hiding my emotions when I am awake. Who knows? Certainly not me. Then I come to DF and read everybody's stories and I don't feel so alone any more. I love everybody here on DF, you are a caring and understanding lot who deserves all the good things in life.
  5. Today I managed to focus almost a full day, so I spent all eight hours catching up on work. My brain is frazzled but accomplished. After work I lit a candle in remembrance of our calico kitty who passed this time last week, and wrote a small eulogy of the things she loved doing.
  6. I am sorry to hear that you are feeling so down and ill, Mark. Moving is so disruptive, it must be hard do process that change when you feel the way you do. Just remind yourself that even change will pass. Hang in there @MarkintheDark, we are here to listen and support you.
  7. For yesterday I managed to get 4 hours good work in, I was glad and relieved at that small accomplishment. After work I made a stir-fry dinner for the fiancè. It was a good day. ☺
  8. That sounds awefully similar to Effexor (aka Venlafaxine) withdrawal Margot, which should subside typically 1-2 weeks, up to 4 weeks depending on the person. I wouldn't be too worried however talk to your doctor if you are unsure. Some mild painkillers (ala paracetamol) helps with the body aches. walking (exercise) helps too.
  9. I failed to complete my assigned tasks today, trouble keeping my focus, work deadlines and all that jazz. I went for my scheduled therapy session, spoke about grief and ended up getting coping advice, I feel better after that. It's been raining all day, I love the rain.
  10. It will go better than you think nojoy. Worst case is you end up feeling like you missed the point of the session, but first contacts are really just that. So don't put too much expectation on yourself. Simply take it easy, be frank, and good luck ☺
  11. I feel like I could sleep another eight hours, but duty calls and I am lucky to have this job. My daily exercises helped wake me up and set the stage for a productive morning. I have my fourth therapist appt today, and to be really honest, I am not looking forward to it.
  12. I feel grateful for all the wonderful and caring people here in DF.
  13. Many times. When my mind won't let me rest, I get up and read a bit. The distraction and focused activity calms it down. I hope you managed to fall asleep by now. That sounds like bliss ☺
  14. I woke to an intense sense of loss, it's the fourth day since the passing of my Molly. Minutes turn into hours, into days, the passage of time feels both measurable and infinite. I remind myself that, in time, emotional scar tissue will bridge that empty divide within. I remind myself that all throughout history, every life lost - human and animal - has meaning.
  15. 5pm on a Saturday, decided to get back in bed. Goodnight world.
  16. My mind is a cacophony of emotions right now. It needs to slow ... down ...
  17. I've been spending the day preparing to go to a music fest/craft market/art show today. Unfortunately my anxiety has ramped up, I'm tired and hot and moody. I've decided to stay home. I have not left the house for a social event in months.
  18. postsecret dot-com. I read new secrets every week, they help remind me that I am not alone when I feel down.
  19. I'm doing okay. Never was much of a big cryer, but I'm hitting some new records today. On the plus, yesterday was 32 weeks self harm free.
  20. Thanks @MarkintheDark that means a lot. Rainbows bridge looks really nice, I will keep it in mind for when I have the courage to look through old photos.
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