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Resistor

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About Resistor

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  • Birthday 11/18/1981

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  1. I finished "Travelers" yesterday. Time travel stories really annoy me when they undo the whole plot progression by going back in time to change history. Everybody knows you can't change history. In my humble opinion, "Twelve Monkeys" (film) is a great story with a convincing time travel plot. Terry Gilliam is a genius. Following this thread and hope to pick up some tips on what to watch next.
  2. overwhelmed and stressed and unhappy. My brain is thinking of itself in the third person as a means to cope. * Have to pack up my life and move to a new country in the next month. * Wanted to start seeing a therapist but have to put that on hold for now. Yet I feel like I need the help now more than ever. * Clashing with my SO over our 15-yo cat: whether she is fit enough to come with us, whether it's cruel to put an old animal through that experience. I can't live with myself putting her down. The chance she will die en-route is very small. I'm of the opinion we can't take a life without good reason. My SO believes it's inhumane to stress such an old animal and risk the chance they perish alone and frightened (think about sending your family member/mom/gran aged 80-90 on a 30 hour journey with lay-overs; most animals stop eating during transport because of the stress involved). * All the stress is affecting my performance at work, which is the reason we are moving - for the job. * Will be using all our savings and the sale of the house to finance the move and initial setup of the new home. Essentially using all our eggs to make an omelette, so to speak. Putting it down in words makes my problems seem so trivial. I guess everything revolves around perspective, right?
  3. I was thinking about this, a lot, today. It starts when the alarm rings in the morning and my first thought is "Not again. How many more mornings do I need to wake up to? What am I doing with my life? Do I make the world a better place? Am I helping?" Then I read the symptoms listing of my medication's leaflet, and I feel consoled that I'm not going crazy, that I'll be feeling down for a while, during the adjustment period of increasing my dose. We do matter. It's just that our minds, sometimes, tricks us to think that we don't.
  4. I am tired of feeling down. Who will join me and choose to (try) be happy today? 🌞
  5. Thanks Beyond Weary. I will hang in there. My partner knows all about depression, I now realize it is a matter of patience and frustration, not understanding. It's funny how things seem so different in retrospect.
  6. Welcome, @Lundi_Hvalursson This sounds like what we call a cognitive trap, we all have these moments - some on a daily basis. For example it may be an over-generalization (You see an event as a never-ending pattern of defeat by using the word ALWAYS or NEVER when you think about it) , a fortune telling trap (you assume and predict that things will turn out badly) or false labelling (I am a freak because of x and y). On the other hand, the people you have dated have their own flaws and misgivings about themselves. The truth is that everybody is too focused on their own worries to label anyone but themselves. And you can be sure that a lot of people wish they focused on their studies like you did. So count that time as well-spent - it's a good thing in itself. You sound like an intelligent, clever person. I have no doubt you will find someone that appreciates that! Unfortunately you can't put a time-limit on life events, these things happen as they come. I can suggest you take up some kind of activity or class in a social setting (cooking, pottery, art & crafts) to meet other people. It does not have to be anything cerebral, sometimes a cathartic activity is just what you need.
  7. I need a controlled vent, this is a mixed bag of frustrations with no clear line of thought. I am battling a low mood that started on the 15th of August. Today I saw my psychiatrist and got my meds upped to 30mg, which should help once they kick in, but I feel like right old bum. A silly donkey who gets frustrated by everything. Right now I feel like going to bed and sleeping (4pm). I am trying not to sleep in the day because my partner criticises me for doing so. I have a hard time talking about how I feel, so for me seeing a psychiatrist is a new thing, and my partner gets frustrated that I come back with no insight into why I get my black moods. Granted that was only my 3rd appointment, but it still hurts to get a criticism like that. We are both frustrated and very, very stressed. Moving on... I have to start seeing a therapist while supporting my partner and her studies, our bills, the bond on the house and the kitchen sink. But I will have to make it work. There is no national health policy in my country, privatised health-care is our only option. Nothing new here, everybody worries about financials. Moving on... I feel like destroying something beautiful. The tasks from work have been getting more absurd - I can't even explain, needless to say when I can't accomplish goals at work I feel depressed. I had to reset and discard everything I did today, and passed the task on to a co-worker. I am in no state to operate on a normal level today - Mondays are rubbish, half of it taken by meetings - so very annoying! My jaw is aching from clenching - highly unusual for me! All we can do is accept the things beyond our control. It makes me feel better about the future, but I still feel pretty crummy about today. If there is anything I wish for, it is a friend to play a game with, or watch a cheesy film and rant about the day. But I chose this path of introverted isolation, and I have to live with it. Moving on...
  8. I can relate @cherryvlossom. I started feeling this back when I was in school. Some Sundays are better than others.
  9. Anxious. Withdrawn. Isolated. Looking at my moods I recorded in August, I only marked 6 days as high days. I am seeing the psychiatrist today.
  10. A guy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, and then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?" The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents."
  11. Avocado on toasted ciabatta 🥑
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