Hi there, I am 18 years old and currently residing in Florida. I have decided to move to California with my mother to further my education. However, I have started to have more and more depressive episodes and I am not sure what to do. I have struggled with anxiety and depression for many years and doctors believe that it has led to me having many gastrointestinal problems (or so I think). Basically, I get in my own head and psych myself out way too often (basically whenever there is silence) and I break down to the point where I am sweating, struggling to breathe or move, and sometimes getting physically sick. I recently had a very bad depressive episode and I managed to write down everything that was going through my head at the moment and I was hoping to post it here to see if anyone else is going through the same and what others might suggest doing.
"I'm leaving for California in I have no clue how long, and there are so many people that I'm not seeing, or saying bye to when I have the chance. Friends are leaving to college that I have zero clue when I'll ever see again, and instead of being with them and having a sendoff, I'm alone in my room because I can't bring myself to leave the house. I honestly don't think anyones gonna care that I move because who's gonna remember me, the weird kid in the background. So many people are leaving that I'm not saying anything to and its making me so sad to see them go, I just can't bring myself to do anything about it. Everything around me seems to be breaking and I don't feel like I can handle it. I feel sick to my stomach everyday, the doctors say its stress and anxiety but I've had this stomach pain since I can remember. If it is just all stress is my life really so messed up that I've been building up this sadness and anxiety inside of me since I was very little? I thought I was happy but was it all just a facade for what was inside of me, this time bomb of mixed emotions and balled up feelings, just waiting to explode and turn me into the mess I am today that people don't want to be around, that people give up on? Is that all that was meant to come of my life?"
So there's a little brief intro to what goes on in my head. I was hoping someone might have some insight or ways they have dealt with similar information. Please, anything would help, I just want to find the happiness that evades me.