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FakeHappy86

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  1. I’m fairly new to this forum, and I wanted to talk about how completely debilitating it is working for customer service/food service jobs. I’ve never had much luck when it’s come to jobs in the past. That’s where the PTS comes into play. All my past occurrences at these jobs have “shaped” me into the person I am today. At this new job I work for customer service at a local supermarket, it’s a food service job. Not exactly my first choice, and to be quite honest I felt like a fraud when I was offered the job and after when I was hired. A little back story on me- I have been dealing with depression my entire life, and anxiety for half of it. Social anxiety has also come into play which has stemmed from my anxiety. It is very stressful working wit these illnesses. And let’s be real here, how many of us had called out sick just to aid our mental health state?- I bet the lot of you. I dread going to work everyday. I hate being around people period. Especially those who I see as “superior” or of a higher class than me. I never talk to anyone at work, only my boyfriend who works at the same place. I detest socializing and chatting about various things. I never know what to say or how to say it. I get so nervous when it comes to customers. I never make eye contact and I never “small talk” with them. I find it tedious to do so. I’ve always been looked down on with every job I’ve done. And I always feel like my mental illness are to blame. I used to be a very social person in the past, but somehow that was stripped from me a long time ago. Now I’m just complacent, like a zombie or a statue that just stands there waiting for my shift to end, or break time. These things are very rooted in my past. The depression that I felt as a child, to not being able to fit in or be accepted in school to being a burden and a disaster for my family to deal with. I’ve also dealt with ADHD as a child and it was not easy for me to focus on one task at hand. Nowadays I’ve learned to control that. I came to this forum to see if anyone can relate- however I’m not looking for anyone to berate me or belittle me with their own advice and “therapy” trust me, I’ve been through enough therapy sessions to last me a lifetime. I don’t need that. What I need is support. Understanding. I am a 32 yr old woman who lives in her grandmothers attic.I have no children, only cats. I am not married or engaged. I have no car. My life is bleak. Dark. If this is something you can relate to, great if not I wish I had your life. I’m cold, bitter, miserable, and very depressed and filled with anxiety, and I don’t even know why I’m working when my illnesses are very hard to deal with. Is it enough to need to survive but to put yourself through hell to do so? If you can relate to this please comment or share your thoughts. I don’t like interacting with others but when it comes to not being alienated I feel more comfortable. Thank you for letting me share my darkest thoughts and my story.
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