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Trad England

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  1. Epictetus, Thanks for checking in on me. I am doing better. A big part was just sharing with this forum and the responses I received. Thank you again for your concern.
  2. Atra and Epictetus, thank you both very much for taking the time to write in response to my question. Both of your posts were filled with useful information that I can act upon. I cannot thank you enough. Thank God, the last ten days have been good. Such a relief to be out of those blues. I will take your guidance and continue to work on this. Thank you again, Trad
  3. I have not seen any mental health professional in over three years. And even then that was just one visit. My medical doctors have been continuing my Zoloft and occasionally Xanax prescriptions without question for many years. Honestly, I am not sure if I have a chemical imbalance, emotional disorders, trauma from childhood or I am just a lazy bum. If I were to find someone to conduct a true analysis to find out just what the heck is wrong with me, who would I see ? I am in the USA so the choices are counselors, Psychologist or Psychiatrists. Here is my issue with each: Counselors usually have just a masters degree and are often more messed up more than I am. The colleges are pumping out kids with degrees hanging up their shingles every day. At 66 years of age and my own masters degree, I really don't want to be meeting with someone 25 years old. I don't think they could relate. Psychologists: Not even sure about these. Are they enhanced counselors? They have a PhD so are called doctors, but what can they do? I've not had experiences with them before. Psychiatrists: They subscribe pills. And if that doesn't work, they subscribe more pills. Everything is medical to them, not emotional or spiritual. Who can figure me out objectively and develop a course of action to improve my life? I sincerely appreciate anyone who takes the time to answer and hope that you day is going good. Trad
  4. My opinion for what it is worth is that one has to be pretty honest with their therapist. Assuming you trust them of course. However, it is important that you and your therapist understand each other. When someone says "suicidal" thoughts that can mean a lot of things. When I say it it means I want the pain to go away, I don't really want to end my life. Decades ago I misspoke to my therapist about feeling high and then low, and she thought I was Bi-Polar. I forgot to tell her I felt low on Mondays and high on Fridays! My job was ******* me. So, make sure you and the therapist understand each other's words. I wish I could offer more to you. Best of luck.
  5. The original doctor who prescribed Zoloft was a regular MD, family doctor. All my other regular family doctors since have just ignored it pretty much. I had a horrible experience with a Psychiatrist 30 years ago so tend to stay away from them. I have seen counselors from time to time, but honestly, it seems that most of the time they are more concerned about collecting their $120 for each visit. Or they are just guessing. I also have experience working at a university so I know that most people who become counselors or Psychologists/Psychiatrists do so to heal themselves. I dealt with those students in my capacity at the university and they were the most difficult, and the least founded in reality. So, with my lack of confidence in the PSY world, I have no one to talk with about it now. How would I even find someone? By the way, thank you for the comments and suggestions. Is this the correct forum to be discussing this? Also, I hope to be able to assist others in some way too. Don't want to just take and not give. Trad
  6. Hi Epictetus, Thanks for asking. I don't get the severe lows, I just drift below the normal line. Sometimes I get very depressed and wish that the pain would stop, but ending it all is not an option for me. It is consistently being down that tires me. I have been on Zoloft for about a decade. I tried to quit very gradually two years ago. Over the space of six or seven months managed to eventually get off of it. That was not a good thing. A darkness visited me often and eventually I had to go back on it. Maybe after all this time my mind is just adapted to it. So, while Zoloft might be keeping me from the dangerous lows, it sure isn't helping me shake the blues.I use a mood app that rates me. Scale is 1 to 10. 1 is call 911, and 10 would be close to that in the other direction. 5 is neutral, not depressed but not happy either. I usually am a 4 with a 3 tossed in now and then. Once a month or so I can say I am a 6, but I never exceed that. I think my natural state is just below normal. It is frustrating.
  7. Thanks everyone for the warm welcome and guidance. It is appreciated.
  8. Hi everyone. I have a combination of Existential Anxiety and High Function Depression. Ever since childhood I am always just under the normal line on a depression chart, meaning I am always somewhat depressed. Yet, few people would suspect that as I perform well at my career and other areas of life. My depression does not prevent me from participating in life. Just enjoying it. Sometimes the depression dips lower. I also have anxiety about the meaning of life, why do we exist, why am I here, where do I go when I die and why does God exist. I hate it that I am here on the side of a planet in deep space and no one knows why or how. Yeah, typing it out it sounds pretty silly. I am a Christian, but obviously my faith is not as strong as it could be. Throughout my life I have seen Psychiatrists, Psychologists, numerous mental health counselors, and attended several support groups. Yet, I am what I am. Which is usually depressed. I've been on Zoloft for over a decade and it keeps the deep dark depressions at bay. Two years ago I very slowly weened myself off it and that did not turn out well. Back on it. I take a Xanax once or twice a week as needed. I am now 66 years old and semi-retired, which only aggravated my stress. I feel sort of bad listing my problems when they are so slight in comparison to so many others. Yet, persistent low level depression really sucks. So, why the hell am I here? I am wondering if anyone else who may have suffered like this have developed any methods of dealing better. I am so tired of not being happy. Thanks much Trad England
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