Hey everyone! I’m new to this forum. I was so happy to find this support group for celebrity obsession because I feel so alone in my struggle. I feel like I can’t tell my family or friends about what I’m going through.
I am 21, and I have been utterly obsessed with a celebrity for ten years. I am almost constantly thinking of him, and I struggle with maladaptive daydreaming, which means I spend hours a day fantasizing about him. I prefer to be at home by myself watching his videos or looking at pictures of him rather than hang out with my real friends, and I’ve never been in a real romantic relationship. I have hundreds of pictures of him in my room and close to 25,000+ between my phone and my computer. I am compelled to learn all of his personal habits, and I’ve spent so much time and money filling my bookshelves with books about him, becoming an expert on every aspect of his life. But it’s still not enough. I’m always looking for more. I’m addicted for sure.
Recently, my obsession started to impact my health and academics. I started seeing a therapist last month. It is so difficult and embarrassing to describe my celebrity obsession to another person. Sometimes I can’t even put what I’m feeling into words. I know my obsession is the result of the fact that I’ve suffered from loneliness most of my life. It is incredibly difficult for me to create meaningful relationships that last more than a few years. My celebrity has saved me from the agony of being alone, but I’m beginning to understand that my obsession has caused me to run from my problems and be absent in my own life.
I want to live a more fulfilling life, but at the same time, I’m terrified that nothing will be able to take his place, that no one could ever make me feel like he does – he makes me feel alive. I am so afraid that I’ll never love someone like that again. I’m only a month into therapy, and I already feel like I’m going to lose the best thing that has ever happened to me, the person who has helped me survive my worst years. And let’s be honest, a part of me doesn’t want to overcome my obsession. I feel such a deep connection to this person, and I love him. Maybe it’s crazy to say that, but that’s how it feels. I don’t know how I could live without him, and I don’t want to.
If any of you can relate, I’d love to hear from you. You’re not alone!