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tired247

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  1. tired247

    Scared

    I've been going to therapy ever since I was 14. Since then I have had a new therapist almost every year. Soon I just gave up stopped going all together. Back then i felt like they were all leaving because of me, as if i was pushing them away or maybe they just didn't want to tell me that they wanted to stop seeing me so they all just say that they quit or something. My heart says that its not true and that they are moving or they got a better paying job but my mind just says it's all your fault; that I was too open or too closed off, that they thought that I was lying the whole time. I know they all had different reasons but it took a huge toll on my conscience. Since then I thought I was doing well without one and that I was getting better on my own but recently I feel like I'm slowly slipping back into my depression and a part of me is wanting to go back but I'm scared that I am going to just get a new one after a bit. Should I just suck it up and go back or try some self help?
  2. I can feel myself getting better. I have more energy and more motivation. But I still have some days where I'm just too tired to move. I read this story somewhere, I am not really sure where, but it was talking about depression in itself. There was this one quote that really stuck with me and it was "You can tell you are getting better when you can feel yourself being comfortable with being sad." Since then I have been a bit more self aware and i can hear myself saying that i am comfortable with being sad. That my jokes are mainly about my depression and being sad, as if being sad is part of my personality; and when I think that I am getting better and starting to love myself a bit more I get sad because I feel like I'm losing that part of me, especially when I've been depressed for most of my life. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else feels the same because I feel like I'm fighting with myself.
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