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emptyman

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  1. I feel sick and tired. I had seizures a few days ago and still haven't recovered fully. And I thought they would never come back as it's been 9 years since the last attack. I am so disappointed and kind of miserable as I won't be able to drive my car anymore.
  2. As for the weight gain I gained some kilograms, but that's all, it stopped at some point and I'm far from overweight. I've been taking antipsychotics for 11 years. But maybe that only applies in my case, I do know many people gain a lot. As for lack of care and motivation, it got better after aripiprazole I think. I used to be unemployed and just stay in my room or even bed. It's not perfect but I work now. Anxiety is something that olanzapine or quetiapine seem to help me for. I suffered some bad attacks before the lockdown, but after adjusting the dosage it got better. Drowsiness is difficult to predict for me, some days I feel like I've been hit with something heavy and some days are just fine. If you ask for any side effects, I remember having some weird trouble breathing after quetiapine combined with the rest of my meds which is why I got it changed to olanzapine again. It was pretty bad although I liked the general feel of that medication. But due to some interactions between the meds, it made me feel afraid of suffocation while falling asleep. I also take some anti-seizure/mood stabilizer meds, so I don't really know which of them were interacting this way.
  3. Hello. What would you like to know? I used to take aripiprazole combined with sertraline and quetiapine, now it's olanzapine instead of quetiapine, but the rest is as it was, so I don't mind sharing my experience.
  4. Bad, too lazy to find a word that would describe it. Tried to work yesterday, gave up after an hour and haven't found peace yet. Nothing helps, my mind keeps on haunting me with self-harm related pictures and ideas. Makes me want to smash my head into the wall, it's such mess inside. Today is the same, I'm trying to work, but already losing my patience. Yesterday even driving the car I bought for fun last year did not help while usually it would make me feel calm and somewhat happy. I mean I was calm while driving, but it was all gone after I came back home. I'd head to the place that helped me a few years ago if it wasn't for the disease - I doubt living there is the same as it was. I guess it's not easy to get there anyway now. Maybe the regular mental wards, but that's the last thing that would help me. I feel lost.
  5. OK, I apologize for violating the TOS, must have missed that part. This thread might be removed then as well (if this is not another violation). I can't see a reason to keep it, but that's just me.
  6. As stated in the title, sometimes I try to produce some music, but the results are below average I'd say as I have no knowledge of music theory (and no will to change that like any other thing in my life due to my issues). I've been 'trying' for a few years by now, but I can't see any progress to be honest. I actually think I became even more repetitive and less creative through the years. I don't feel comfortable enough to share my existing profiles on youtube or soundcloud-like websites, I just thought I might share some latest work on a new account on some random audio hosting site. Might upload something else someday, not sure when, though, as sometimes producing helps me, but i get frustrated because of it more often recently I'd say.
  7. In my case there isn't that much of side effects. If any, sometimes I get some kind of restless feeling (well in my case I would get it even without the med due to my illness). Nothing special I can think of at the moment and nothing that would cause any major issues. I'm on 20 mg of that right now, as well as 20 mg of olanzapine, 100 mg sertraline and also some mood stabilizers/anti-seizure meds. Yeah, quite a few. Sometimes it just turns out to be the best way to cope with that life. At least for me.
  8. I see. Just shared my experience, no recommendation or product placement and I'm not saying 'be like me' or anything.
  9. I'm on 2 meds of this type and I might sound weird but in my case they actually help. They do have a lot of side effects, like sedation or sometimes the other way, agitation for no reason. But once I stop taking them it always makes me relapse. Life on them is not easy, but without them I don't really know how long I would survive. Just my personal experience and opinion.
  10. Bad. I mean it. Don't want to get into details. Took my meds early today hoping to numb the pain and trying to keep on working. I really need to find something to keep me going, yet everything I try I just give up on after 30 min total (usually it takes just a few minutes). Tired of things I used to like, nothing new seems to work either. Feeling alone in this world yet I have no clue how to properly interact with people so they stay not leave. I failed again I guess. Really wish I could end myself, but I'm too much of a coward.
  11. I feel restless and at the same time I want to do many things but I end up doing nothing because my mind is busy finding out what the f it wants. Sick of myself, getting bored with everything before I even start. I found some meds I thought I've run out of, but I guess they are pretty much useless anyway.
  12. So, I thought I had much more medication supplies than I needed. Seems I do have more than I need, but only some types of them. No sertraline left, 1 pack of aripiprazole, just lots of mood stabilizers (which always kinda keep the mood stable, but low, lower than "normal") and plenty of the other antipsychotic. I guess I would not let that happen if I cared about myself, but I do not. I wonder if I'll make it till the end of work or just give up in a few minutes, I'm so sick of it.
  13. Sick of myself, sick of work and making all those ugly websites (on customers' demands, mostly).
  14. I feel a little better. Had a night drive in my youngtimer. Wish I could feel better when interacting with people instead of things, but seems it's not going to happen. And I don't blame people, I blame myself for that. I also started splitting my antipsychotics doses so I take part of them before leaving work to avoid the anxiety or panic attacks. It works somehow.
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