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Everything posted by Charlee

  1. @Dawne thanks for your reply I think there is a difference actually, i'm taking 15mg rameron and 75mg of venlafaxine but i'm not feeling suicidal anymore so that's definitely a change, I think I am starting to feel overall better, maybe, perhaps. (I never want to feel too confident because when I admit i'm feeling good I tend to feel really bad again, like my brain refuses to let me feel good or something!) yeah i'll stick with it, I can eat better and workout to try and remove any gained weight. I'm taking magnesium as well. Have you ever found the sleepiness effect wearing off? I've noticed sometimes it takes me a little longer to fall asleep and I've been waking up a lot during the night too. have your bm's been better?
  2. My mum talks to me constantly about the “dangers of the vaccine” and it’s exhausting to try and rebutt the bad science facts that keep being spread by non-scientists. But the more I look into it, the more confused I get. Some people have had pretty bad reactions to the vaccine, but then the adverse effects are worsened and more likely if you get covid so I guess my predicament is get the vaccine with a slight possibility of bad reasons or get covid and have a higher chance of long haul covid, myocarditis, everything else associated with it, and death. It’s exhausting I’m tired of it, tired of all the political bs surrounding it, whether there was political agenda or not, the virus doesn’t care. Even in NZ where the situation isn’t nearly as bad as other places, it’s hard here, and I feel for all of you in the US, Canada, the UK and all other terribly hit places At least we aren’t alone in this
  3. I know, my boss is really good and makes an effort in trying to help but there's only so much he can do. With work he can be understanding but you still have to produce the results right so what else is there. I dont know.
  4. my cat, and having a career goal. Meds and therapy have been eh in my experience, my cat and career are really my only reasons to carry on. Depression is always in the back though and she often makes her presence known
  5. ive just started this med, been about 2 weeks now, I started straight on 15mg, being able to sleep has been so so great, I can usually sleep now straight away, before I was lying awake for hours and hours. I have noticed restless leg has worsened and I'm feeling a little more restless during the day though which i dont like so I might talk to my doc about that... I havent experienced diarrhea, I think its making me a little constipated.... it has changed from my normal bm which is another problem I dont wanna deal with. I dont think its helping with depression as much as id hoped either, and I think it is making me gain weight as well which ugh its just a big fat no no. but being able to sleep... I dont know how to help with your question really, I guess you have to ask yourself whether the bm discomforts are more troubling than being able to sleep is worth? ill stick with this for a little longer and hope my body evens its self out, but if it makes me gain a lot of weight like it appears for most people than that will outweigh being able to sleep for me, esp since its not really helping with depression or anxiety either. I think its making me feel slow and sluggish as well. Do you find that?
  6. I'm the same, its so hard for me to accept that I need help and can't fix it all on my own, and that needing help doesn't make me weak or pathetic or whatever i've decided needing help dose... I'm still working through these stigmas i've created. It's really hard, but completing collage is an awesome accomplishment! esp when dealing with mental health issues. I got through uni and grad school while dealing with a lot too so congratulate yourself whenever you can. You got this
  7. I actually have to get some work done today. Being stuck at home always triggers a depression, but despite having fragile mental health I have to remind myself how lucky I am and how much privilege I have. To be living in a free country where I have almost the same opportunities as a white male my age... Growing up and hearing of the hardships and horrors in the places like the middle-east, Africa, South America. I've always known how incredibly lucky I was to have been born in New Zealand. I never even knew that women and men weren't "equal" until adult hood. But in saying this, I have always felt devalued in my struggles because I took on the belief that "there's always someone who's got it worse" so I'm reminding myself of my privilege while also validating my own struggles. Feeling like you're not suffering enough to need help or are "to privileged" to suffer is a struggle in itself.
  8. I know the treatment of cows is absolutely disgusting, I care a lot about it and stay away from meat and dairy because of it. Sometimes I feel like Im the only person that cares, sorry your cow died
  9. Back in lockdown again its disheartening but I've gotta keep reminding myself that its only temporary. It just sucks having to work from home again and change my work schedule and not be able to do the lab work I need yet again. mental health is eh, guess ill be alright
  10. I so understand this. Having plans, going out, just having fun seems like such a thing of the past. Even when I do have plans and manage to go out I can never fully enjoy it because Im always so anxious and constantly telling myself what a loser I am and how silly and dumb I am for saying the wrong thing or oh man. Trying to navigate life with these illnesses is a nightmare
  11. I feel slightly better than yesterday, I decided to cancel going to dinner and the ballet with my friend and his friends, I couldnt do it. I would have loved the ballet, I love dancing and gymnastics, the mastery of the art and telling a story with their bodies, I love it. But I felt so awful I just couldnt go. Oh well, there will always be a next time. Today Im trying to catch up on some work but am procrastinating by reading peoples posts on here hopefully this is a good week. I feel a bit spacey from the new meds but hopefully it will subside soon.
  12. hi @Blue1 feeling like you can't dump on your friends is such a lonely experience, I feel it too and try not to with my few friends ive got, but they dump on me so I should be able to dump on them but uhhh.. I feel you, we are all here to dump on!
  13. hi @no0nelikemeatthislatitude im the same, I wish so desperately that I had friends and went out often and socialized a lot like I used too in my teens, but trauma and mental illness emerged and I couldnt maintain my friendships or make new ones, social anxiety is crippling and makes you a little paranoid and think others are thinking terrible things of you when theyre most likely not but you cant help it? Its ok, I feel you, Im as lonely and and feel as abnormal as you describe here. Knowing you're not the only one that feels this way is helpful I find, even though we're not here in real life, it still helps
  14. Im currently now taking 75mg Effexor, 15mg Mirtazapine along with 200mg 5-HTP, and 90mh L-Tyrptophan. Ive read about serotonin syndrome but I dont think im taking enough to cause that even though its recommended not to take 5-HTP or L-tyrpophan with anti-depressents.. but I think my serotonin levels are super low anyway so idk. I never really understood the brain chemical side of depression before, I still dont but ive been reading up a bit more on it lately. Is anyone else taking these supplements along with anti-depressents? and have you ever felt a point where your ADs are really working? My doctor said that you know its working when you feel "normal" again, but ive been down for so many years I cant remember what "normal" is anymore. And I still have pretty low days, that must be normal for depressed people right? telling my doctor I feel "normal" feels like such an unrealistic expectation and feels like a lot of pressure that I need to get to that point before she feels satisfied..
  15. Ive just discovered audiobooks and I love them, this is a good idea and im going to start listening in bed too when I can't sleep
  16. I feel the same way, I know its weird and not normal but when the anxiety gets too much, when I feel too scared and overwhelmed it makes me feel physically ill and I cant do it. I cant go tonight I have to cancel. I feel awful. I think he's nice enough to understand What can you do when your mind plays such fierce tricks on you?
  17. I go through periods like this too, when the depression is bad the anxiety is also bad and that keeps me awake because trying to sleep makes me more anxious because im scared to be alone in my head
  18. whether it was directed at you or not, I would have felt triggered and humiliated too
  19. its a bad day today, im meant to be going out with a friend and his friends to dinner and a ballet, but all I want to do today is crawl into bed and stay there. I wanna see the ballet but I dont think i can handle social situations today. I think im going to have to cancel. I feel to awful
  20. So I’ve now been put on 15mg mirtazipine and 75mg of Effexor… I’ve never combined drugs before, I’ve read both good and bad things about mirt. Apparently the combination is called “California rocket fuel” because it really helps ease depression symptoms, so here’s hoping
  21. This sounds like such a difficult decision that seems to have no answer for you and you could be ruminating on it for a very long time, only exacerbating the stress and anxiety, I think deep down you know you want and need to move, otherwise you wouldn’t be having this dilemma within yourself… making decisions that lead to big changes are hard and scary particularly for people like us But whatever you decide, telling people about it should hopefully mean they support you? And having their help and support will make it easier? (Excuse me if I’m wrong about it all) I hope you’re feeling a little calmer soon living somewhere you dislike and causes you a lot of stress too is such a burden that I understand
  22. Thanks today was ok actually I stayed the full day and did my work, the meeting went well too I think, he told me I could finish what I haven’t done by Tuesday which I think I’ll be able too by then have had a good day?
  23. Thats so interesting, the way dopamine and serotonin effect our thoughts and feelings and actions is so varied and so interesting! it must be a nightmare to manage, but good when you're stable?
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