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Charlee last won the day on July 22

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About Charlee

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  1. I've been in a similar relationship before - though it wasn't my mum, but someone who I thought loved me. It's so difficult and tricky to understand and it really messes up your head. All I can say is its probably best to avoid her all you can and really try not to listen to her, make a plan for getting out and focus on that. Maybe you can eventually have a relationship with her and maybe she does love you but you've gotta put your mental health and sanity first. I hope you're ok
  2. Yeah, its unsettling, ruins my day as well, mostly leaves me confused as to why my mind is taking me there again.. I'm like "sis we got out of there for a reason why are we going back?" Thanks
  3. F uck the scale! I've spent way to many years obsessing over a silly number that in the end just doesnt matter
  4. I think that is quite a skill to have mastered! I feel like I'm pretending all the time as well. A month or so ago when I was feeling suicidal and so heavy with depression I went and visited my family and it was like switching personalities when I was around them, I had to force my smile and change my tone of voice and what I was talking about, it was really quite a performance
  5. It makes me get all red and blotchy on my neck and face, I sweat a bit as well but my skin gives my uncomfortableness away everytime! I walk in looking normal and come out shaking looking like a giant sweaty tomato. At least it’s something to laugh about (and keep the unwanted people away!)
  6. It’s 4am for me right now. I’ve been going through a period of vivid dreaming and they always seem to contain the people that have hurt and abused me in the past. It’s super unsettling how vivid they are.. and how after so many years my brain can still make me think these people are in my life and make me feel like the scared helpless person I was .. (and still am). So I’m avoiding going to sleep tonight because last nights one was triggering and did not make me feel good
  7. Thank you Mr Statistic!! My first year in undergrad I got mostly Cs and Ds, I’ve really worked so hard to turn it around. I’ve dreamed and cried so much about a PhD.. I can’t believe it’s becoming a reality instead of just a dream 🥲🥲🥲
  8. Yes I agree with you Nightjar! @Depressedgurl007 I hope you’re ok not feeling safe, stable and secure in the place that’s meant to provide the most safety is awful
  9. Thanks after sitting with it for awhile I’m now super stoked because it is a great grade and I still managed an A- while surviving the train wreck of 2020! And I’ve gotta keep reminding myself that I’m not perfect, and sometimes the expectations I’ve got of myself are a little unrealistic
  10. I finally got my masters grade back... an A-, im happy but still a little disappointed because an A- feels like a "congrats .. you tried" grade. But its good enough for a PhD. In four years ill be Dr Charlee
  11. its mood, energy, habit, comfort, I cant start the day without it and if I'm working ill have one every 2 or so hours. I think I'm more dependent than addicted, but I do start getting headachy if I go more than 15ish hours without one.
  12. I drink coffee to survive, without it I couldnt get through the day. I'm so dependent on it, its my trusted and loyal companion. Its extremely comforting for me and depending on what i'm doing that day I drink anywhere from 3-10 cups a day
  13. I really like living in NZ, I'm grateful to of been born and brought up here. However since we are an island nation that is pretty isolated, its really expensive to live here. I didn't realise how expensive until I started comparing prices to other countries and we pay so much more than most for almost everything. Apparently its because the import prices are high and we don't have a lot of competing markets so they can jack the prices up all they want. Our work salaries don't really match up with the cost of housing and rent and other living costs either. For example, it's estimated that for a person to own a home and live comfortably in Auckland (our largest and most expensive city) you'd need to be earning upwards of 170K, but the average salary of a NZer is 60k... and only 1% of the country earns over 100k. The average price for a home in Auckland is about 2mill (and that's for an average old 3 bedroom house, not a gigantic mansion!) as well, so we've got out problems too. We do have a pretty good government, but the they haven't really done anything to improve the cost of homes and living either *shrug* That aside, the scenery is beautiful, a lot of hills and mountains, and whichever part of NZ you live in you're usually not more than an hour away from a beach, you definitely couldn't watch a thunderstorm drifting in from miles away unless you were on a beach (but in NZ we use the metric system so really we'd say kilometers away) and the people are generally pretty nice as well, there's quite a sense of community and friendliness here, even in Auckland which has a reputation for being the "snob city where no one talks to each other"
  14. haa yes, the bad/mean people always seem to make it on top while the nice and caring people kind of fall below, I wonder if I have to become ruthless to be able to make it in the world, caring and being so empathetic to others struggles is difficult but I dont feel its a bad thing either or should hold you back. Why do you have to be an apathetic d**k to succeed?
  15. Oh this sounds amazing, ive driven up and down the north island of NZ many times but every time the scenery still wows me. When I can afford it and overseas travel is allowed again I want to travel all around the US and europe/UK, canada, I wanna go everywhere and open my eyes to knew worlds I've never seen before, what a cool experience it must have been
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