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15anddepressed

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  1. I(15M) have an online friend(13F) on FB. She is very depressed and has said that she is suicidal. She has just told me about an event that made her feel really depressed. I can't go into too much detail out of respect for her, but the gist of it is her narcissist dad verbally abuses her, and her "friends" started talking shit about her, making her "harm" herself (you know what I mean) I consoled her, but I don't really have any IRL friends, so how do I talk to her better, as in what to say/not to say? I really don't know exactly what to say other than the typical "I'm sorry this happened, I wish I was there" kind of response. I can only talk to her so much as she is 14 hours behind me, so I usually stay up all night to talk to her after she gets back from school. I am depressed too, but only moderately (read my first post if you wanna know why). I've posted this to other places, but due to my barely used throwaway account, I only ever get a few comments on every post, so I'm trying to gather as much advice as permitted. Thanks in advance.
  2. Hey all, another post again. My last post detailed as similar event, so you can read that. If you want the full context of my experiences, you can read my first post. Today, my mom did it again. I had BJJ class, and before I left me and my older brother asked her for money for when we were out. Note that I did not eat anything else, except a smoothie. She gave him some money apparently while I was in the bathroom, and I came out. She started a little lecture, calling me "entitled" for expecting money for BJJ class, saying that I didn't need the money for that. I told her that we did need it for basic stuff like food, albeit in a kind of argumentative "duh" tone. I didn't even specifically mention the BJJ class, that was all I said. She got mad and took the money away from my brother, essentially making me feel guilty for punishing him for something I did. She often does similar stuff like this while complaining that it's "not fair to my brother", like somehow I'm to blame for HER decision to punish HIM for something that I did. He got a little mad at me obviously. Well, we did the class, and I came back tired asf. Then, I thought maybe she would give us money to get dinner since I literally did not eat ANYTHING the whole day, which she knows. I asked, and not to my surprise, she said no. I told her that I haven't eaten anything today, and her reply was "So? You're not gonna starve." in a kind of condescending tone. At this point, I just gave up, went to the bathroom and cried for a couple minutes. There was nothing else to eat except bread and jam, so I literally ate like 8 slices of toast and jam because LITERALLY there was nothing else that I could eat. She didn't cook anything either. Again, it was because I didn't do my chore (which granted I am sometimes pretty lazy and just don't do it, but that's mostly my depression), and that I do nothing all day except schoolwork and playing Uno with my sister for a good 20 minutes which granted was all I did but it didn't count. My depression has made me pretty unmotivated to do almost anything, but they don't know I have depression, and I can't really argue with them because they either won't listen to me, get angrier, or punish me more. At this point, I just shut the **** up, whenever they lecture me, because parents are always correct. Well that's my story for today, and I want to hear you guys' opinions on whether or not a 15 year old boy, living in a foreign country who can't get a job, has to earn necessities like food. I guess she thinks some harsh punishment like this is going to make me magically do chores all of a sudden, but it isn't helping. EDIT: Also, I have a big appetite, bigger than my dad who is 6'2 and a little bigger than average. I eat a lot, and don't gain weight, which I guess is my teen metabolism in action. I'm pretty sure I don't have an eating disorder, I looked up the signs of binge eating disorder and it didn't really match up with me.
  3. Wow. That was, just amazing to hear that from you. Fortunately, my parents aren't as bad as yours but I can definitely relate and some of the things they do definitely are similar. My dad often says to me, that if I can't even do something as simple as a chore, than how can I do other things properly? I know it's not necessarily true, but obviously I'm not going to argue with him, yet I still feel stupid. Thanks for your kind words.
  4. Thank you. I didn't really know why I broke down, but that combined with the other stuff just hit me. Your boys sound like good people, I could never do what they did to my parents. What you said in the beginning really relates to me a lot, on certain occasions when people not in my family, point out a mistake that I made or told me not to do this, I immediately feel guilt, shame and embarrassment even if it wasn't a big deal. I'm glad you told me this, because I could never tell that to my parents, to be fair a lot of the time my parents do tell me to do things and I don't do them sometimes out of genuine laziness (obviously that is wrong of me) but mostly because of my lack of motivation just makes me forgetful. In this case though, she didn't say specifically say what chore I didn't do nor had she asked me to do them during the day. When my dad told me that since (not exact quote, but close enough) "I didn't give a **** about them" because I did "stupid, selfish shit" why should they "give a ****" about me? I knew it was wrong but I also felt like I couldn't argue with him.
  5. (If you want context on my experiences, you can read my first post) Came back from BJJ class about 10:00 PM. Later on, I asked my mom if I could have some money to go get dinner as we didn't have any food at home. She said no, as I didn't do the chore I was supposed to do, and she "already gave me money for dinner". Which firstly, she didn't even say specifically which chore. Second, I know which chore she's talking about (mopping) but I mopped last night already, the floor wasn't that dirty, a few spots here and there but that's it. I typically sleep very late and usually wake up between 1-2 PM, my parents don't like it but I do it because I just like the darkness and being alone. So, I didn't eat any lunch as there was none, if there was any it wasn't there when I woke up. I was fine, and I picked up my little sis from school later on, and went out for my BJJ class with my brother around 5:00 PM. While we were out, we got some stuff from convenience stores both on the way there and back, along with a taxi on the way back (which used up pretty much all of our allowance). I came back, only to get hit with this. Last night, she did the same thing and I was mopping at 11 PM to get money for food (which to be fair, I didn't do), but then she gave money for dinner (enough for both of us) to my brother without telling me. We both went out to eat that night. Anyways, I protested a little after she mentioned last night, and I asked my dad because he joined in (in relation to me mopping last night) "What was I supposed to do, not eat?" and he said something like "Yes! If this is the real world, you think you get to eat if you didn't do your job? (I'm a 15 year old boy and can't get one), you think my boss would pay me if I didn't do my job?". It wasn't a big deal, sucking up and not eating dinner for a night, but with everything else that I've experienced I started to tear up, so I took a walk outside into our apartment building's little garden and I cried for several minutes. To come back tired to that was just disheartening. I was outside for about half an hour when I came back, and my dad gave me a little money to get milk for cornflakes, not after lecturing me about the fact that I do "stupid selfish shit" because there was a big spot on the floor under a desk and I didn't turn the fan on for my dad's computer when I was using it. I took the money and as I went out, I started crying again for a few minutes feeling hopeless and useless. I was just overwhelmed with emotions during that time. I cried when I was outside because if I started breaking down in front of them, they'd just think that I was crying over nothing and that I was being over-dramatic anyways, crying over some food which is not what I cried about. Anyways, thanks for reading this somewhat long story, and I'm wondering if anyone else experiences this? Just breaking down after something minor happened because of the other stuff you've been experiencing?
  6. Thank you. I never knew I needed to hear those words until you said them. It means a lot to me.
  7. True. I just didn't know that it was a thing because usually suicidal thoughts come with the intent to commit suicide, so I thought maybe it was just me. But apparently it is a thing called "passive suicidal ideation" or thinking about suicide without intent or plans to do it.
  8. Ok, thanks for explaining that. I didn't know that was common.
  9. Hey, new here. Third post. If you want context on my situation you can read my first post if you want. I am not suicidal, no doubt about that. I absolutely do not want to **** myself. Yet, every once in a while the thought just crosses my mind like "what would it be like if I did **** myself?" not in the sense that I want to commit suicide, just in the sense of imagining what it'd be like. Does anyone else get this too?
  10. I searched on google maps but found nowhere near me that I can go alone. I'm stuck in a very unfortunate situation with no one to talk to and live in a quiet suburban area with not much if anything around in the way of libraries and stuff. Thanks for the advice though.
  11. Thanks, I do go to classes for BJJ (Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu), but I am in the adult class because my brother is 18, and because I'm just about too old for kids classes. Even then, I'd have a hard time trying to form a connection with someone in a foreign country, I'd much prefer someone more like me if you know what I mean? I do speak the language FYI. I do have a friend from the Netherlands, but he comes every year or so and stays for 2-4 weeks, then goes away. He's also not the kind of person I can talk to about stuff like this. Other than that there's no much else I can do.
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