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Irish63

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  1. I decided to go off meds for several reasons, zero emotions, zero sex drive, just flat lined. Was off for a month did pretty well. About a week after I went off, and I didn't tell my husband or anyone, because dare I have a mood, that would be the blame and they'd tell me to take a happy pill. Seriously not happy pills. My only true friend here in the rural town that had lived through her own trauma, her and her husband bought a Harley Trike, and as they were leaving town to go to Laramie, he fish tailed and they hit someone head on, they both died instantly. I am the rural newspaper photographer here and was called to go get a pic for the paper there was an accident 2 miles up the road, it was them I was first on scene other than a man who saw it happen. .I don't know how to deal with this. I just feel lost. So many things happening along with this. So back on the meds I go it seems. My husbands anger issues, he just gripes and woe is me a lot. But loud, I react terribly to that from the past. Badly I'd say. I tried talking to my son who is almost 30 about dads anger issues, and he pretty much told me I am wrong and he didn't want me to talk about him anymore. I felt and still do feel like a monster. Yes depression ptsd and borderline are kicking my butt right now. I just am not doing good at all. Not good. I do not have a therapist I can go to, finances and mode of transportation are limited. Just venting again, feeling alone and tired. Thanks
  2. I managed to taper off slowly and stay off. But it's been a fight to deal with things, especially lately. I so badly wanted to be able to have emotions again. But in the last few weeks, a friend and her husband were killed leaving town on their new Harley Trike, I am the photographer for the rural newspaper. I was first on scene. Aweful Huge shock. My husband yells and is just miserable in life, I react really bad to that. (ptsd) The cussing the woe is me stuff. So that is really doing a number on me. I have nobody to talk to, was talking to one of my sons about his dads anger-and he fully knows, but he told me not to talk it anymore. I know this seems stupid. But, yep, I need to be back on meds. Not doing so well. Not well at all.
  3. Thank you, I have done this all before and even cold turkey a few times. Why I didn't end up on Naked and Afraid is beyond me. My doc has me on a pretty slow taper schedule. Tomorrow is my last dose of topiramate then onto the fluoxotine/prozac taper. In the past the whole rebound effect would send me into panic and I'd end up on a higher dose. There has to be a way. It's been just existing for 20 some years now. This just is not living life. I am ready for this fight. Thank you for your input.
  4. Has anyone ever gradually stopped all of their meds? I have been on meds for so long, the SSRI rollercoaster of trial and error for years . Prozac is always my fall back med of choice. This round it's been okay. I am also on Topiramate, my doc started me on low dose 2 times a day for binge eating disorder. But in the last few months, things have just gone from basically getting by okay to, I need a drastic change. I have zero emotions, I couldn't cry I had to. Topiramate was amazing for a few weeks. Literally killed my apatite, I felt better emotionally. Now I am just tired all the time, headaches, irritated and anxious,. I just know right now, I need to stop for a while, hopefully a long while and reset my brain. Has anyone here done this? I am also including exercise, water and vitamins. My psych doc is behind me 100%. I have tried this on my own in the past all hot headed and idiot like only to crash and burn. I need to feel human again. I know a pill isn't going to make me 100% better or worse And I am not doing this on a whim, I am very serious . I would love some input please, and thank you.
  5. I am a Christian and have been for a long time. I finally got a 'real' diagnosis and so much of my life makes sense, the ups and downs of it all. My life has been a major dark circus at best. In between the bad addictions and hospital visits were my times of faith I knew were real. More in the last few years things have settled down, I believe I have grown into my diagnosis if that makes sense? (as in, I am not doing nearly most of the awful things I used to do) I started on what seem to be the right meds for me. But again I feel flatlined emotionally and spiritually. I often don't even want to pray or read lately. Going to church is a struggle and I feel these things should not be?. While I am happy I am not struggling in many other areas this bothers me. Does anyone else feel this?
  6. I am officially off of wellbutrin as of today. It's been a decent taper process. I am only taking 5htp, cbd and drinking a ton of water and I started using my elliptical. So far, oddly so good. I just know from history to be careful.
  7. First off thank you to anyone who replied when I have asked about wellbutrin. I finally saw a real psych doc. She is having me taper off slowly. Thankfully. But during the taper she wants me back on generic prozac since it worked best and longest. Even though it quit working after years on it. Here is my question, Can this depression AVPD thing be done without meds? I feel like an emotionless, zombified, depressed anxious eating machine. I am very serious. I have never put too much stock into thinking I can do this by myself. I want to try cbd, exercise, diet. If any of you have done so, I'd love input. Enough is enough. I am 56 years old going on 100. I can actually mark the times I have felt happy in the past years of my life. I am a predictable low functioning just faking my way through each day empty human. On top of this menopause is showing it's ugly face, meaning more fun! So again, thank you for reading. I really want a change in my life.
  8. Ford v Ferrari and by far it was the most fun movie I have ever watched in a theater!
  9. I hope a tapering question is okay? My physicians assistant never even called me back. I went back on last weekend because things got pretty severe for me. I do not want to be on this med. Weight loss is the normal I have read, I have gained almost 8 lbs in a month. Headaches, stomach pain, no sleep and I am not myself. My lows are bad. This is nuts. I have plenty of tabs and am willing to go as slow as necessary. Mega Mega frustrated here.
  10. Thanks for all your input. I too am at a loss. All of me wants to run to a doctor but I know what will happen. I feel like a large majority of them don't honsestly care and just give me the most popular pill that day. This has to stop. But thank you again.
  11. What can I do now? This feeling is awful. Christmas coming up I have a large family with zero understanding or support, they think yelling or taking down to me will make me 'snap out of it' . My goal is vitamins, life change as well as diet change. But right now I am just not okay. I can't fake happy right now, I feel like I am on a ledge, the entire world hates me, I hate the enitre world, ( I know this sounds nuts) but with anxious depressed thoughts. Like I said I am not bi polar, but that is how I feel. I don't want more pills. I know there is something like a rebound depression when you stop but I don't know how many more days I can keep this up?
  12. I have been on so many antidepressants through the years and recently my physicians assistant wanted to try wellbutrin, I started at 150 mg buproprion and it was okay. Massive stomach upset and headache. After about a month, she wanted to try 300 mg a day. Headache, ringing in ears, worse stomach issues, no sleep and heart palpitations. She suggested we put something else""on board"" as she put it. No... No more. I have tapered myself off and am on day 4 off totally. I did a very slow taper, she does not know. I cancelled my appointment with her. I am in Wyoming and to see a doctor is a rare thing without insurance. I am so tired of being a guinea pig. I am feeling so up and down in the last 24 hours, please tell me it's just still working it's way out. I feel like I am standing on a cliff, and am between rage and self pity and hopelessness. This is my mind we are talking about. Is there hope for depression? I am not bi polar, but sure feel like it today. Is there anything anyone could suggest? Can life go on without meds?? Thank you
  13. Irish63

    Help

    Hi there, I have been on generic prozac for about 10 years now. Off a couple of times hoping maybe I could go it on my own due to side effects, but back on within a month. I was on 20 mg for a long time, but started that downhill dark slope. The physicians assistant upped it up 40, within a few months I was just laying on the couch all day doing nothing and not caring about it. So back to the physicians assistant to lower my dose and that is when I had decided I wanted off this stuff for good. I tapered off slowly and did great for about a month. So they put me back on it. I can't afford many of the different newer antidepressants due to no insurance. I am stuck having to use a generic that is on the walmart 4.00 a month list. I have been back on 20 mg for a month now, and the past week has been seriously dark. I am just not doing okay. I hate being like this. Any suggestions? Are the newer drugs really any different? I have heard Fluoxotine can just stop working?
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