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Everything posted by Soarsie18

  1. It’s ok. I scared her off. We’re talking again now, but things aren’t the same. Thank you LH
  2. That was beautiful. And I agree with everything you wrote. There isn’t a cure for people who feel that they are lost in the world. And life gets so stressful and out of control sometimes it makes you think what is the point of me going through all of this. If theres no end goal in sight then why go through all of the suffering. I understand it. The world we live in makes us feel so useless and insignificant. it’s hard for me to understand someone who feels justified and content with all of this.
  3. I won’t sleep tonight because I don’t want to. I don’t want it to be tomorrow. I don’t want anymore tomorrows. As each day passes I feel things are starting to fall apart again. I’m so desperately trying to get everything back in place, but time keeps on moving, and I’m always behind, just getting further and further behind with each day. I hate how unpredictable I am right now.
  4. F.E.A.R False Evidence Appearing Real
  5. Happy for once. There are still so many things out of place, I could go on and on. But going through what I just went through.. I would have never thought I'd be here, sitting at my desk again, working. Just having something to work towards fills me with so much hope. Even if it doesn't work out like everything else I'm just glad that in this moment in time I have something to work towards. I'm going to enjoy it whilst it lasts and not think about what will come after.
  6. I know it won't make you feel better. But I am so glad it didn't tip. You were there for me when I needed someone the most. I will always be grateful for that.
  7. Soarsie18

    I’m Crying

    I haven’t said anything in a while because for once I feel alive. I’m so grateful to just ‘feel’ again that I want to cry with joy all the time. I can’t tell you whats happened. Maybe just a couple of good exams. But that flick has been switched from total self destruction to digging myself out of this hole I’ve created. It was never about having the energy or having the means to do it. It was the motivation I was lacking in. Whats the point trying when you feel so useless. You might be able to ‘try’ for a couple of days but then what ? nothing, nothing changes and you’re left feeling even more useless. I guess my point is I don’t feel like that anymore. Is this the end ? nope. I’m sure the dark cloud will come back to haunt me again at some point. But if it’s any incentive, THIS FEELING I HAVE RIGHT NOW IS SO WORTH IT. haha I might just cry again. I’ll try not to.
  8. That I could just be my cat
  9. As a farmer I know that when an animal is sick sometimes the right thing to do is to put it out of its misery. With the electricity we are using to keep Meredith alive, we could power a small fan for two days. You tell me what’s unethical - Dwight Schrute
  10. No problem, I just know what it’s like to be in your position and to blame yourself for everything. It’s taken me a while to see things this way. Blaming yourself and putting yourself down all the time is so damaging. Take care, and keep reminding yourself
  11. Yes 100 X yes. Thats why i’m stuck in this horrible empty in between. I have no reason to live. But not enough reason to die. So I just wait for the scales to tip one way or the other.
  12. That none of the stupid pointless stuff existed.
  13. My parents are the same. Their go to saying is “you need to try harder”. There are different kinds of depression. Sometimes your depression is so dark that you have to fight against it every single moment of every day. People on the outside don’t see the fight you have to put up. What might seem like an easy task to them could be incredibly difficult for you. Thats the nature of the illness. It’s not your fault. It’s hard when your parents don’t understand you. But still it’s important that you understand. Your trying your best. Don’t beat yourself up too much.
  14. Thanks. I hope so. I haven’t had any bad side effects by now so I shouldn’t expect to get any
  15. No you shouldn’t give up. As hard as it is for you to believe, you deserve some happiness. You deserve to be content. You shouldnt go out like this, hating yourself. No one deserves that. You’re a human being just like everyone else, just like me. That means your life is just as valuable as mine. So I can tell you for certain you deserve better. You’ve put up with the hurt so far, which means you can put up with some more hurting. As sick as it is, as tired as you are, this will be worth it when you get better. And we have to give ourselves a chance to get better. We deserve it. Take care of yourself, go easy now, and rest.
  16. Thank you for the encouragement. It’s always a bit scary changing meds. I’ll keep you updated
  17. Thank you Tim, me too !. Even if I don't see much of a difference that's alright. I just don't want it to make me worse and for me not to have enough time to change it.
  18. I've upped my dose to 50mg. Midway. One day I take 40 the next I take 60.
  19. That sounds like a positive step forwards. Your putting yourself first, and there's nothing wrong with being sensitive, we're all sensitive in ur own way and there's only so much you can put up with.
  20. So so so so so grateful. Reflecting back on how I was just a month ago, I feel as though I now have some life back in me again. I owe you my life, and I don't care how silly that might sound to some people. Because thats how I feel. I know it's not going to be smooth sailing from here on, but I'm just so grateful to even get just a few good days back. That's more than I could have ever hoped for. Thank you so much. You know who you are.
  21. Thanks for the advice. My exams are getting really close now. I feel too scared to change my medication just before them, so I'm going to wait till after to see if I need to be taking something different.
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