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Everything posted by Soarsie18

  1. When I'm distracted i'm good. As soon as i'm alone in bed I cry and pray to god that I don't have to live anymore. I don't feel alive anymore. I feel like i'm just waiting for time to go by.
  2. I'm so sorry, I know how it is to be alone. When I was 15 I felt very lonely. I never thought of looking online to find friends and I guess in a way I was too shy to meet new people. You should be proud of putting yourself out there. Being a teen is really lonely, but you're getting somewhere by having the confidence to meet new people. I hope as she gets older she gets more independence from her parents and can decide for herself who she should talk to. You never know. With time you will trust each other more and she might come back. A few days of talking isn't long at all.
  3. Me too tears. I prayed so much yesterday that I didn't have to wake up today, but here i am.
  4. no you don't need to man up. Everyone feels that way from time to time. Depression makes us so vulnerable.
  5. I am so proud of you !!
  6. @JustAnotherSufferer sws, that is so sweet
  7. Put my revision notes away. Cried a lot. Ate chocolate, watched silly tv shows. Guess you can't be strong every day
  8. The worst thing is everyone expects me to be happy now that exams are over, to be celebrating. But celebrating what ? months on my own with no future to look forward to. No friends to hang out with. I feel scared. I'm pretending to be happy but really I am so scared. I've never been so scared in my life.
  9. Exams are over. My time in Cardiff re-sitting A levels is now over. I don't know how to feel. I'm not ready to move on in life. I have little hope that I will get into university this time. I don't know what to do with myself and I'm scared. 2 months on my own at home, no distractions with work this time. I'm scared that I will start thinking again. I need to find a new distraction now. I just hope that it works.
  10. If I do get into vet school it'll be a dream come true. I'm starting to loose hope. I feel like this break that I'm on will never end.
  11. it doesn’t come naturally. I am very clumsy. Oh well. they’d tell me to pick the glass out myself haha hugs Joy
  12. me too, I won’t be going to the prom. I’m so glad to get the hell out of there and to never have to see those people again and be reminded of the painful memories
  13. I have my last exam today ever !! feels so surreal
  14. oh me too, I get carried away so easily. Still, I will keep my hopes up for you that this goes well. Just enjoy this feeling whilst it's here. But really, I am so happy for you. These moments are what helps pull as through life.
  15. Nope, no insurance. I'm going to have to use my birthday money to repair it. It's just a shame I'm so clumsy, my parents don't know yet and I know they won't be happy with me.
  16. I had a bad exam yesterday, not terrible, but still it ruined my good streak. Then as I was walking out of the exam I tripped and fell, my phone smashed on the floor and now every time i use it I get glass in my fingers.
  17. Soarsie18

    Letting go

    I'm going to need tremendous strength to dig myself out of this one.  That responsibility bestowed upon me weighs like a ton. Strength that I have never, and will never have the capability to possess.  But, they'd never believe me, if I were to confess. Regardless they'd like to believe it's possible. But I am, and never once have been that able. The only way for me to escape this now, Is to leave it all behind me and let freedom allow, whatever it is that the universe has to offer me, I have to accept it, somehow, and not feel so guilty.
  18. I wear a mask around friends and family because it makes life easier for me. I’ve tried to open up to them about how I’m really feeling but I just end up scaring them away, or making them anxious to the point that they take their frustration out on me. I cope with it by talking openly to people who do understand me. That way I can be as honest as I want and I don’t feel so alone and strange. I hope you find someone you can be open with, even if it’s a therapist. I don’t think keeping it to yourself is a good idea.
  19. Like Tears and Sal have said, I'd be happy to PM you, I'd hate to think of anyone being alone at a time like this. I have to admit, life is getting on top of me a bit right now, and I'm finding myself drawing away from my support system. Sometimes it gets overwhelming and we need to take some time out for ourselves, however I promise I will always come back in the end, I'll never leave anyone of you for good, you mean too much, and I'll never forget that or take it for granted. PM me anytime, desperate or not, I will be there as best as I can right now. That's a promise. I'm so sorry you're feeling like this.
  20. It's actually pretty funny at this point how carried away I get. Yesterday I was on a high only to find out that all my new friends were out celebrating the end of school. I wanted to brush it off. Turn to my old friends for support, but it turns out that they were out celebrating the end of exams in university. I feel alone again. I push those feelings down so deep because they hurt when I think about it. Most of the time I distract myself. But I can't sensor everything. There will always be reminders. I can't wait for the day I'll be able to break free and move on. For now it feels like my Aunt just keeps hurting me, over and over again. I don't want her to have a hold on me anymore. But also, I know I am getting there. It's hard not to feel all discouraged when you have a down day. But they are inevitable. I'm still making progress and I'll just try and focus my attention on that.
  21. I'm back. I wanted to check in. Exams are a week away. It feels so unreal. I never, ever thought I would make it to this point now. Depression consumed me so much I couldn't see myself getting through this. Maybe I will now. I've applied for Dublin, they take people based on grades only. I'll have to get even higher grades to get in. Maybe it'll happen, maybe not. Right now I'm just happy to feel a little more like myself. To want a future again. That's all i have to say really. I've been working a lot, because I want my life back finally. I want a way to escape from all of this. I also said goodbye to my therapist the other day. It was very touching, and also surreal. Maybe I am finally closing the door on this chapter of my life. I want to say though, how thankful I am to have a supportive loving community. Because of you, I will never have to suffer through depression alone again. I know for sure this isn't the last time I'll have depression. But it is the last time I will suffer alone. Thank you. And I wish the best for everyone here.
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