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Soarsie18 last won the day on May 1 2019

Soarsie18 had the most liked content!


About Soarsie18

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  • Birthday 08/19/2000

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    Being carefree and happy

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  1. it's been rough. My emotions are all over the place. I need to get them under control because at the moment i am letting them control me, control my life and my actions. I increased the dose of fluox today, I'm hoping that it will help me cope better. Starting university in three weeks, absolutely terrified and i have no idea what to do with myself in this time in-between. I just wish i had a friend my age who could comfort me, i don't know anyone going through the same thing as me right now.
  2. Ok. I'm having a mental breakdown i guess. The good things just aren't good enough anymore. I've lost weight. I'm socialising again. All the 'normal' things that i needed to do in order to recover. I have a possible long distance relationship. My first relationship ever. Talk to me a few months ago and i would have said that i was undatable. Still it's not enough. I need his touch, his hugs. Just talking on the phone isn't enough and its breaking my heart. I need someone to tell me that i am good enough the way i am, because i don't get that from my family. And for some reason having someone say it over the phone isn't as believable. I still feel just as worthless and unloved. I've gone back to not being able to get up off the sofa. And that is WITH meds. it sucks. I don't know how to fix myself and get to a point where i realise i am good enough and i stop needing any validation from anyone else. Help please. I feel like I'm losing control again.
  3. Yeah we do argue, the only time we argue is when one of us is feeling down, which causes the other to feel guilty and insecure. We never argue over anything else and we always manage to calm eachother down and feel better again. It just worries me because whenever he has an anxiety attack i always blame myself, and i can’t see how we can stop the fights from happening. I love him so much, worse comes to worst we will be friends and i will always be there for him. The whole thing takes such a big toll on me emotionally, I don’t know whats right anymore.
  4. devastated, the boy i like is either too broken for me to fix him or i am just not good enough to make him happy. He was the only hope I had. I let myself get carried away thinking that maybe i could be in a happy relationship for once. what should i do, he needs me but i feel like we’re both hurting eachother.
  5. Me too, I keep hurting the people closest to me. I can't stand myself anymore
  6. how are we ever going to be alright again 😞
  7. Life is so hard i don’t understand how i’m supposed to cope with it ever again. my anxieties through the roof. i find myself pinching myself whenever i have to talk about any plans in the future because it has me so anxious
  8. I’m finding life so hard right now. things are starting to go well for me. i’ve got a new friend. i’ve been put on a reserve list for university, but still i feel the same. too tired and numb. i don’t understand it. I feel like i just don’t have the energy to try and get back to normal and live life again
  9. I know you're feeling the same way right now. Sometimes the idea of something becomes overwhelming. You need some time to think things through.
  10. i’m begging you god please, please let me die PLEASE PLEASE . I can’t take anymore, I’m begging you imm begging you
  11. My heart is broken, There is a big pain in my chest and i'm trying to hold the tears back. If I start crying now I won't stop. I'm trapped in a prison with my parents and this stupid house and I can't get out. I can't bear it. How could anyone live like this. Such pain, everyday and no end in sight. I will end it soon for myself
  12. After exams I collapsed. I was so ready to give up. I begged to god, over and over. I had no intention to make it through the summer. my future is so uncertain, and for the moment there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. It's torture. I thought I'd only find happiness through my studies. Friends were telling me that I needed to find a different focus. Another aspect of life to make me happy. I had never been good at the other factors and so I had given up hope a long time ago. Recently I've met someone who I've become very close to. I would have never thought I'd find someone like him, he has made me feel so safe and comfortable, at a time when I couldn't have been feeling more insecure and my self-esteem so low. I'm going to meet him soon on holiday, and for the first time in years I'm feeling excited. so excited. It's ok that other things in my life aren't going too well, for the moment, I'm going to keep going because of this person. I would have never thought this could happen to me, and I'm taking it as a blessing. I'm very grateful. What I would tell myself looking back is you never know. You never know what could happen. So take the risks, open yourself up to new people, take the gamble and meet someone new in person, otherwise you will never know how life could have turned out differently. A person can make a whole load of difference to another persons life.
  13. My Aunt and my cousins (even the older one who was nice to me) has unfriended my mum on Facebook. They are still friends with my dad which shows it was a personal attack against my mum. It makes me angry seeing my mum upset like that. She looked after those kids when they were younger like they were her own kids, whilst my aunt was busy working all the time. There must be a lot of lies about us spreading in that house for them to do this to my mum. They're favourite aunt who has loved them like her own children. It breaks my heart. She doesn't deserve to be pulled into the mess I've created.
  14. I thought that the other day. How can some people have such a strong faith in god if he ignores everyone. He must just be messing with me and want me to suffer for some reason. Either that or he isn't real
  15. I've begged to god several times this week. Crying and begging him for mercy and I got nothing. I'm sorry you've been through the same thing
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