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Soarsie18 last won the day on May 1 2019

Soarsie18 had the most liked content!


About Soarsie18

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  • Birthday 08/19/2000

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    Being carefree and happy

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  1. "without you" Harry Nilsson. I just accidentally sent a text that was meant for my boyfriend to my mum. My mum is very conservative and is no longer talking to me. So yes, crying.
  2. maybe, was hoping to get some vegetables but because of covid all grocery stores were shut so had to go to the corner shop, thankfully the man in the shop has a son that has a crush on me so he let me have some pennies off. But embarassing none the lease
  3. Wasted your life ? you are 30, that is not a lifetime. I know you you feel with regards to assignments, especially now with covid, all i am given is assignments and then very little feedback which seems pointless and unsatisfying. Try and think back to the reason why you are doing any of this, if there is an end goal focus on it, and if there isn''t at the moment then just know that every degree has weight behind it, all hard work has weight.
  4. At the moment it is getting bigger unfortunately, with the 10 richest people in the world holding the same wealth as 50% of the worlds population. No need to vote for politics because money rules the world. But i guess thats off topic .. but definitely a factor in individual creativity
  5. lol american or canadian ? have spent the money on a little bit of both but tobacco is so expensive so was only able to get a small bottle of rum, this also means won't be eating for the week and i can't space out my alcohol.
  6. Totally, there are remakes of everything, creative thought has been declining for a while now but even more with covid and actors being stuck at home which makes sense to a point. However I feel there is something else going on in regards to the increase in the wealth gap, things have just changed a lot since the 80s/90s
  7. I feel ok, my boyrfriend has sent me 20 quid and i'm trying to decide the best way to spend it, alcohol or tobacco
  8. I have found a soulmate in kell. He found me and loved me at my very worst. I have showed him progression since then, physical and mental ... and it all sounds very healthy. Since now I have always faced depression by myself, and that is how I like it. Don't get me wrong, my parents have always been loving,, but I am one in three, the intensity that comes from a loving relationship with a person that mostly is affected by you and your actions, someone that you live with, sleep with .. Its the most intense pressure I have ever felt. I know that he wants me (in this present time) to be his person, but because I do not like my present self I feel like a failure and that pressure that i feel always, intensifies. Pressure is good and healthy but too much can be crippling and I have definitely had moments of that. I am thankful for whenever he has work away from home because it gives me time to get my sh!t together lol. Now I have the longest time apart from him and everyone else, longest that i've had since about 2 years. I want to really take the most from this opportunity, I am also scared that when he comes back i will go to my old ways. How do i stay strong and authentic, that is my biggest worry. He is a great supporter and a great compliment to my personality however he found me when i wasn't put together and now i'm struggling to be put together in time to save our relationship.
  9. Thank you so much JD, It has taken me a whole year of trying without reward to get to this point of understanding. You have been there from the start and i look forward to hearing from you in the future my friend.
  10. My boyfriend is away for 10 days working. This is an opportunity for me to work on my own self development, which naturally spikes my anxiety. Looking introspectively i am not happy with how i look. I set up this plan to follow a 4 day fasting and all i can say is that i failed. Failure of any kind intensifies my depression. My thoughts are telling me that fasting won't be so great because of a decrease in metabolism but there is evidence against that.I ended up settling on a diet of only vegetables for a week as a replacement because i'm scared of my metabolism dropping. With regards to sobriety, my weakness makes me give in, weak in my anxiety and feeling that alcohol is the only reliever of it. Which at this present moment is true. The alcohol consumptions leads to eating even less because of scares with calorie consumption. I want to be normal when he comes back. It breaks his heart seeing me not eat, drinking, being drunk. I know in my head these changes will take longer than just 10 days, but mentally i cannot settle for that. I know that this failure won't destroy me however so i'm willing to take the chance and seeing this run its course. I just wish better for my boyfriend kell. The only saving grace is that he is working another 10 day shift straight after and I have exams. Let me say this .... its a high pressure situation for me... i need change, and i need it by a certain deadline.
  11. I was honest with him and told him and soon as it happened, I knew he was upset, he said that we’d talk about it when he got back. I felt bad because I could tell from his voice cracking that he was upset and I just wished it had never happened and that I was normal.
  12. I can’t have another night like this again. My throat hurts, my face is swollen, I’m so physically and emotionally drained, I just want some stability, at the moment I’m a rocking horse going back and fourth from good to bad.. not good
  13. Now I force myself to meditate every morning as soon as I wake up, and I read every night to help me fall asleep. Meditating before eating or doing anything has really helped, it makes my mind quiet and helps me be still and just let time pass. Also I haven’t been looking in the mirror recently but when I do I’m going to try and look for things that I like.
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