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Everything posted by Tears_Always

  1. At least you have someone to check-up on you, they made that effort. Once my mom is gone I will have no one. I will be one of those people that died weeks ago and no one noticed.
  2. @JD4010 I know that the mountains in Costa Rica stay relatively cool and even the coasts get trade winds that help cool things. if you could get yourself into Alaska you get paid to live there.
  3. I am glad that you at least got a temporary reprieve it is better than nothing.
  4. @MarkintheDark just about anytime there is a holiday weekend I get mixed-up. From the end of January until sometime in April this year I have no memory of anything. The only way I know I had those days is because I wrote in a journal and some memories of the emotional pain I was feeling.
  5. A happy sad day for me my nephew had his 7th birthday party which was really good. But now I am thinking about how my little one would have been turning 7 in a few months if I hadn't failed him. So the tears are falling and the self hate is rising up.
  6. @evalynn glad things cost less than they thought. That sucks that they didn't give a cone to start with does she have on of the plastic ones now? Or a big round disc? I don't know if Etta will let you, but especially if your house is cooler you might want to think about putting her in a onesie, it would stop her from licking, get rid of the cone, and keep her warmer.
  7. Mark all of are trying really hard to respect your decision, but as you have said you are a friend, chosen family for some, a mentor, and most of all a brother-in-arms and seeing you make or be forced to make this decision based on money is hard to accept. I know for myself and I expect for others too that it would be much easier to accept if you were not able to find joy in life, but you do. It is clear that your passion for photography is strong and that you are able to practice your art. You are still able and willing to give to the world and make it a better place and that is something special. All that being said I wonder if you have considered doing one last act as the advocate you have become? Tell the world what you and others in your situation are facing, the health issues from the disease and from the treatments, the stigma, the lack of medical and emotional support, and how you have been affected financially. This is a story that needs to be told and heard. Also I don't suppose you would let all of help you get to Sweden for one final trip and to use their services there for a legal death. Hugs.
  8. I hope yours is my effective than mine, she did nothing for me and even sent me back to my GP to adjust medications, I stopped going there, I am not paying for nothing.
  9. @evalynn I am glad that you were able to find the source of the problem, unfortunately all we can do is watch and guess. I totally get about going in to debt for your furbaby, I would have spent any amount if it would have helped Wicket. I hope that everything works out okay. Hugs
  10. I really hope that you are able to take Spot where ever you might go. I know that having that furkid is often the only thing that kept me going and that without life just has that much less value, and the world seems a whole lot darker.
  11. Maybe you can get maintenance to do something with it? Cite it as a health hazard?
  12. I did not mean to imply that you were unfit in anyway, all I can do is relate to the medical system I know and what I know of the American system. I know that here you would qualify for at least some medical assistance and income assistance as well through it would not be a whole lot, it would supplement at least somewhat.
  13. I hate to see you in this situation, it feels like a lot of what is driving your time line is financial and that just sucks. You should be able to live out your life until the pain becomes to much and you are ready to go. I thought that you had started drawing some additional, is this not going to be enough to help keep you going for a while? Given that you are being faced with moving one way or another is there a hospice or assisted living that you could go to, and maybe take away some of your worries? I can totally understand if this is not something you want for yourself, but thought I would ut it out there. Hugs
  14. that is wonderful news I am so happy to hear it!
  15. @Rattler6 if this is stuff that you need to know well, you might want to try one of the methods I used when studying... I would take a block of time say 10 minutes and that would be reading and concentrating on the material then a 5 minute break. You can do this in any combo that works for you but break must always be less than study. For some stuff I was able to go to an hour on with 15 off. It can make the whole thing a lot easier and much less overwhelming.
  16. Well you know they have to stop all those cows from farting and changing the climate
  17. I have been going down hill for at least a week, I spend all day fighting tears and just wanting to find a dark hole to crawl into. Work is piling up, I can't remember the last time I cleaned house, and I really don't care. I have been finding just about impossible to write even, because really what is the point. In the end the only person who gives a dam about me is me and I don't. I was passenger in my mom's car today and she was doing some driving that was scary, the second time I said something all I could think is why am I bothering if I am lucky (yeah right) I could get killed here. For a while I was finding some comfort walking at lunch in the park, now I am just mad at the people for upsetting the wildlife there. I just want all the pain to end.
  18. Well that sucks, but you can always ask, it would save the stress of a move.
  19. Well I am glad that you have gotten some financial relief, interesting about the Medicare I always thought that was related to income (not that I have ever bothered to look). Don't suppose that te new owner of your place would let you stay on as a tenant when the time comes?
  20. Going downhill fast it's only a few hours now til when my life changed forever and so much for the worst, the beginning of the worst depression I have ever faced and the one I don't I will ever even sort of recover from. five months since my world ended, five months since my life lost all meaning and five months of being alone.
  21. I am with you Sober I would much rather see no God than one who is so sadistic.
  22. @lonelyforeigner I hate that you feel the way that you do, and totally understand how you feel about getting a hug, I feel the same way. Can't do it in person so hugs.
  23. Have no clue what SSR is but if it helps in some way I am glad that you got it.
  24. Still not well napped for about 3 hour this morning. I will go in to work tomorrow, but will see how the day goes.
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