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Everything posted by Tears_Always

  1. @adamrparr as someone in a similar boat to you I am going to tell you what works for me feel free to try anything or just ignore me... 1) I do NOT sleep with my cell phone within reach, I use an alarm clock, well actually I have 2. The reason my cell is not in my bedroom is that it makes it that much more of an effort to just call-in. I have to get up and go downstairs, which means a big effort and if I am already up I may as well just go. (I realize you may need the phone closer, but get it as far away as possible make it harder to call-in.) 2) When I do call-in, or text or whatever I always say I am not well, by saying this I am not lying, because I am not. I always say that I will try to come in for the afternoon if I feel better. Before I go back to sleep I turn on my 2nd alarm clock which is set for 11:30, this gets me up again to see if there is anyway I can go to work, or at least not go back to sleep. Going in to work when you are not felling well makes the boss happy cause you 'care' so much, staying up gives me a better chance of a proper sleep that night. If I really can't do either I write the day off and go back to bed and sleep until I wake-up. 3) If for some reason I know I will not be able handle going into work the next day I let my boss know that evening that I am still unwell and will not be in. Then I go to bed and sleep until I wake. 4) In the mornings when my alarm goes off I have it timed so that I only have about 5 minutes leeway, this forces me to get up and hustle, leaving little to know time to think, which means I am less likely to not make it in to work. ------ Unfortunately for you your word now means nothing to your boss and it is going to take along time to fix that. Now maybe a bit of food for thought... At work are people being friendly? Do they eat lunches together? If so get your butt in there. It sounds like your job is a lot like mine were you could be totally isolated from everyone, don't let this happen, you will start feeling like everyone hates you. ---- I am not sure what your workplace is like but if it is possible you might want to look at working longer hours to get extra time off. I currently work 2 40 hour weeks and 1 37.5 hr. This means that I get every 3rd Friday off and that helps a lot with the exhaustion. I don't notice the extra time in the 40hr weeks, and the extra day off gives me time to sleep, get things done, or whatever. ---- Anyway good luck and please stick it out you have worked hard to get where you are and you do not want the depression to win.
  2. then maybe you shouldn't you have done so much recently.
  3. Fair enough, I can understand not wanting / being able to take any more. hugs
  4. Another work week for me starts tomorrow and I am already exhausted. My mother doesn't understand why when I come home I don't want to do anything i.e. clean house, work on renos, work in the yard. I know that she thinks I am a lazy whatever but I don't have the energy or will to fight about it. So off to another week I go.
  5. Hugs Mark, you have had to fight all of your life and it is catching-up to you, I can't say that I am surprised. I expect that you are tried mentally, emotionally , and physically and you have right to be. I wish that there was something that could make it all right, but we know that does not work irl. You get beaten down time and time again until you can't get up again, I wish you weren't there, but reading what you are writing of late it sure sounds like it. You have done everything that you can to arrange everything and I am in awe for you being able to do that. Given the point that you are at have you ever thought of letting any of your photography friends know just how bad things are? I know you have hinted, but face it men are dense, so are most women for that matter, things need to be spelt out. If you are really done, what does it matter that you lay it all out in plain words? 1) they ignore you and you never hear from them again, so what? 2) Someone might just step forward and offer a bit of understanding. Yes I know that chances are next to none but again what have you yo lose. Hugs and tears.
  6. I think there are quiet a few of us that do. I spend a good number of hours most everyday pulling stuff out of one of ours.
  7. I know it is not quite the same but have you considered reaching out to one of the groups in those locations and joining them via webcam? I know it still doesn't get you the physical comfort but at least you would be able to talk to people who have been their and understand. Hugs
  8. All of us should get Oscar's for the performances that we put on each and everyday. The minute we are not alone we are performing to someone else's expectations.
  9. I am glad that in retrospect this is a week that you feel was productive. Lean as much as you need and then a bit more, we are many and here to hold you up as much as possible
  10. Mark yes be candid, I think all of us understand how tried you are to a point. It is my understanding that friends and people who care about you say things that you don't always want to hear, they try to encourage you and get you to see more. That it is never done with the intent to hurt but to try and get one to look at other options. If I am wrong in this I am very sorry.
  11. so what enquire as nojoy says nothing can happen if you don't try.
  12. Even if the place is likely to be too expensive I hope that you will talk to them you never know your winning personality might just do it. Also I would be asking if there could be a reduction for a long term lease you never know.
  13. Another day gone, this week hasn't been to bad so far been really busy at work.
  14. So very glad that you have some options for Spot and that it makes you feel better. Hugs.
  15. I will certainly try not to but I really don't think I would even recognize someone as a possible friend. Anyone I have ever thought of as a friend or possible friend has not seen me the same way. IDK guess that is just part of the many things wrong with me.
  16. Mark as far as I am concerned just getting through another day is an accomplishment to be happy with, the fact you did more it great. And I don't even pretend to fold stuff, be happy it is washed.
  17. @Devlinkyla and @MargotMontage I don't know if it is legal where you are but maybe look into CBC Oil it is supposed to be really good for pain. Hugs for you both.
  18. @MarkintheDark I am sorry to hear this. You have miles to go yet before you sleep and tasks that you need to complete. Hugs.
  19. I hate how you feel and that there is all this. You have touched me so deeply. Hugs
  20. I know a lot of people myself included feel that DF is a safe place in a cruel world, this is a space that I would hate to see gone and I think a lot of others would to. SO I am asking everyone to help support DF, if you cannot give a donation, then how about being a mod or other support staff? A site like this is a community but it cannot run itself and like any community needs the help of its members to keep going. I know there are others who have been here longer and remember a much livelier DF it is time to bring some of that back. Thanks all for reading.
  21. @MarkintheDark I am going to wish you less stress and I will hope for a miracle for you (though in truth I really shouldn't as I am almost certainly condemning you, things generally go the opposite of what I hope for). @PraiseBrownies thank you for the smile. @sober4life I am not sure I believe that anyone gets to have someone or thing to believe in or be there, it is some kind of fantasy @Mikayla I would love to do either but I have no one.
  22. Well that just sucks, you know I really hate people sometimes.
  23. Been very sad of late all I want to do is cry....
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