One thing I would suggest is that if you are truly trying to live second to second right now, then as soon as a negative thought come in shake it out. You have no need to keep those. I sometime physically shake my head, but have also been using a mantra, it is not much help for you because it deals with the guilt that I feel but what I say is "I am sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you" at least for me it deals with the apin and guilt in that second. Hugs