Tears_Always

I see food and gain weight I am sure that I don't have to eat it to gain. I wish depression made me not want to eat, it is eating or sleeping that are my main wants.

Spent some of my lunch in the bathroom crying. Find myself thinking about going to sit outside without a jacket on (it is -48 out there) and that maybe I would just go to sleep and that would be it. I am tried of feeling I am never good enough, tried of not mattering to anyone, and I am tried of pretending to be "okay".

Really irritable today, but also swinging to wanting to break down and cry. Cried myself to sleep last night.

Very few females actually have ADHD so I would say that it is very unlikely.

Just goes to show how much he cared and understood people. That is quite something to have friend that looked out for you even after you are gone. hugs

Mark knew what was out there to help him, he just got stonewalled by a system that is there to look good and do nothing, and people who were only looking at the bottom line not the people. As long as people are seen as expenses in Healthcare and employment they will be under valued and abused.

I am sorry for everything you are going though it makes the days that much harder to face. Hugs

IT is a support form, it is just that it is peer support not professional. And really if there were professionals here everyone would have to stand-up and be counted, revile who they are and everything else, then there would be no one here. Oh and they would want lots of money.

Was really struggling coming up to Christmas as it was the first year without my boy and the last time that I got to spend any real time with him. Went away at Christmas and though it didn't go as planned it did help to break the depression somewhat. When I got home the pain hit again really hard for a few days and then I kind of went numb, I hate to say it but that was nice not having tears in my eyes at all times. Then Thursday/ Friday happened and how hard it hurts, depression is back full force and if I could I would crawl into a dark hole and never come out again. On Thursday/ Friday a friends little one passed (nothing could be done), heard about Mark, heard from a person who I have not heard from in just about a year (they wanted me to do something, no enquiry as to how I am doing), and came back to missing him majorly again. Life sucks.

This is so sad many of us here in the community grieving the loss of Dave / MarkintheDark, sad part is all we have is each other for support. If we were a "real" support group there would be counselors and support rushing in to help. Yet because of the nature of this group there is nothing we don't exist, our pain is not real, and we don't matter, kind of like how we feel in "real" life. The sad thing is people are much freer here with their words, thoughts, and feelings, we don't feel the need to measure every word and try to think of what consequences anything we say will have in the future. It is really so sad that the world is not a safe place. Hugs.

@Nightjar very well put. He was the 1st I looked for as well and so much more that you say. @sober4life like you I just kept hoping for something and for it to somehow work out. Of course it didn't it never does. @adamrparr I am sure you are hurting badly - hugs. Hugs to all.

@adamrparr I am so sorry for your loss, your world just got smaller. Hugs.

Was just told to check out this post and I am heartbroken. He was one of the people who stopped me from ending my own life this time last year. The world is now that much dimmer. Hugs all.

Aw hun seems you keep getting that rain too. Very sorry about your Grandmother, it makes one realize just how short all of our times are. I am so sorry that your ex is still not letting you see the kids at all, I cannot imagine how that hurts. How did you loss a friend on here? If words were said give it time, if you were ghosted hugs, that is why I am so scared to open up at all. Hugs

A really hard day for me a friend who lives in another place lost her baby today. They did every thing they could to try and save him, but in the end his little body couldn't take anymore. Sat up with her last night and then had to be at a doctors appointment this afternoon we he actually passed. I feel terrible that I wasn't able to even virtually hold her hand, and wanted so badly to be able to hold them both. I just can't understand why so many of the innocent and pure go so soon. To top it off I have an infection in my ears and fluid which is blocking what little hearing I have left. I am sure my boss thinks I just wanted an extra week of vacation, even though that is not true. Got two new medications today, both of which may interact with my depression meds, just what I need when I am barely hanging on at this point. I am fast coming back to the point of questioning what is the point of anything. It feels like anything I allow myself to care about gets ripped away.