Tears_Always

I stopped stopping in there cause I could never find anyone there 😞

Nope no one does, least of all you, you played by the rules that were given to you and they bit you, they seem to do that. You had a life, a family (yes fur kids count, and they turn out better than most kids these days), and a home. You got sick, you could not get the help that was needed and like so many others lost everything. no I guess no one will there are many of us that would like to but none are physically close enough. No we do not understand we are not you and can only guess and read what you have said, but we care - I just wish that was enough. Sorry just can't see how you failed... by catching a disease you didn't know was out there? By living longer than they thought you would? By sharing your life at least here and making such a big difference in our lives? People here have said you have saved their lives that seems like a big achievement to me (this is not a place were people are likely to lie about that). I cannot see how you need redemption - you have simply lived your life and tried to help others, I have never seen anything that says you have tried to hurt or harm others. I have said this before but maybe if you hear it again it might stay for a minute - your honesty and truths here have made many of us look on our own lives and evaluate just were we are. You have fought and then fought some more (your body and sole is tried, and for this I cry). You were a trail blazer when it could have easily meant death to you - you are brave and have been mentally so strong. I understand that you are tried, hurt, and full of despair - I can't change this (no matter how much I wish I could). I have advice I would like to share and I am keeping my mouth shut. All I can finish with is that while I may not totally get how you feel - I do have a bit of a clue of how tried you are - because I feel exhausted and I have not faced half of what you have, so I can only assume the weight there is close to unbearable. I do not want to see you enter into the never ending sleep, but I can understand why you feel the call so strongly and why it has such great allure. Hugs Mark.

If you really believe that he is keeping the kids from you can you not go to court? I am sorry you have to deal with this.

@MarkintheDark like everyone else I wish I had the words to make it better and I wish the world cared. You have questioned many times if the move was worth it, perhaps it is time to say forget it. You have your plan and know that you have a few days instead of trying to go on as normal is it time for you to enjoy your last little bit? I am not offering advice but something for you to consider. You already know I think the world will be dimmer without you and that even though we cannot be there in person you mean a lot to so many of us. It is time for you to do for yourself and hopefully find all that you seek.

hugs, I can't understand and I won't pretend to, but I do hurt very much for your situation.

Had a migraine all weekend and woke up this morning with swollen glands on the back of my neck and really tried. Didn't get much done at work, even fell asleep at one point not good, skipped my lunch walk for a nap. Didn't catch-up with any online friends tonight so a bit sad and lonely.

well at least you have a Spot to cuddle.

never a coward Mark, but I think a hero to many of us here, not in the sense that you leap tall buildings in a single bound but for your honesty and ability to lay out what you are thinking and where you are coming from. When the time is right you will do what is right for you. hugs to you and Spot.

So what I worse than depression? Depression with a migraine. I just 'love' my life.

glad you have been given a break. hugs

Even if you didn't know it your kitty was likely an emotional support for you, a being that just loved you and made you feel safe. The loss of that support even when you didn't know about it is very hard. I am glad hat you have not gone back to self harm.

@Resistor I am so sorry for the loss of your kitty, it is so hard when they go, you are left behind with pain, fear and doubts. I hope that you will soon be able to celebrate her life when you see her photo, instead of your eyes filling with tears. For myself I grieve far more of the passing of my furs than any human. My last loss broke me and I hope that this does not happen to you. I have had people tell me that losing a furry is nothing like losing a person and I will agree, I have not mourned so long and heavily for any person. I have had people tell losing my furry is nothing compared to losing a child and to that I say I am very sorry that they have one through that, and my fur was the only child I will ever have. I hope that your loss and grief are met with understanding and love from those around you, that they can understand this was not just a cat but someone important to you. I hope that they can see you are hurting and offer you love, a chance to cry and maybe heal. I hope all of the above for you for the consequences of not getting this is pain that goes on and on. It can make your depression so much worse, and make you hate the world. Again I am so very sorry. Hugs.

Hugs

Not feeling great, but it has been to hard to write anyone got a dark place for me to hide?

Hugs Mark I don't care if you see yourself as strong or not I do. You are taking a look at your life and the world around you with far more depth that most anyone dares.