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  1. Hi Shio, I am glad that you have decided to share your bed with your remaining dear ones and I think you are correct when you say that they are also mourning their big sister or as you said the matriarch. I think they need you as much as you need them now. From what you write I can hear that you are handling things very well although you have been through alot of pain. You are a strong woman. I know you will get through this (one step at a time and one day at a time.) I hope you have a wonderful day
  2. Please find someone trustworthy to talk to face to face. It will help alot. And meanwhile write down all your feelings and anger. Just remember to destroy the papers afterwards. I know some of the stuff I wrote I wouldn't have wanted anyone to see at all.
  3. Hi Happiest I am glad that you are calm now. You know what, I think while you are trying to figure out what you can do or while you are in your parents house, try to find these types of coping strategies for yourself. Like listening to soothing music or writing down how you feel and then afterwards burn the paper that you wrote it on.(this helps ALOT.) And other strategies that you can think of. Make a list so that each time you feel you are going to lose it, grab the list and try one of your strategies. Remember you are at university and one day you Will have your own place. Just try to cope for now. You Will get through this. Know that. Keep telling yourself that. And remember the advice I give you is some things that I do/did in my own life and this is what worked for me. I am not a therapist at all. Just someone trying to help from my own experience.
  4. And I understand fully when you say you don't like children anymore. There must be some kind of student councelling/support group that can help.
  5. I know it hurts so bad. I know you feel trapped (at this moment). Can't you go to a family members house for a while, like an aunt or cousin? Maybe even a friends house?
  6. Hi, maybe you can just sit outside for a while, just to calm down. Or go for a quick walk around the block or listen to a soothing song or take a hot bath/shower. Just try to calm down for one moment.
  7. Hi Happiest, I am sorry that you have to live this way at the moment. I was thinking: you have experience with children, what if you can find a job as an aupair, but a live-in job. They give you a room and pay. In that way you could make money, have your "own place" kind of and not get the verbal abuse that you don't deserve at all. There is No excuse for any person who abuse another person. A parent should actually be the role model for the child as to how to behave and treat others. I am sorry that you don't get this respect at the moment. I know how it feels to be verbally and emotionally abused by a parent. In my case it was my mother and my father was too soft to ever tell her that what she was doing is wrong. I know how it hurts. I've been through it for 37 years. Only about two years now that I am free of that. But there are other options than to end it all. I know sometimes one can think that it is the only way out, but it isn't and you still have a life to live. You are so young.
  8. There's also another verse I found, in Malachi 2:16 and it says: " For I hate divorce! says the Lord, the God of Israel. " And then the verse goes on and says: " To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty; " says the Lord of Heaven's Armies. So guard your heart, do not be unfaithful to your wife." That obviously goes for the wife towards her husband as well. I hopes this gives you some insight and some answers.
  9. Hi Saprkzz, I read through your post and I had to think a while on what you said. I took my Bible and went to Proverbs 5:18 and it says: "Love the wife of your youth." For me that means to never stop loving her. But we have to remember that Love is not only a feeling, but an action. I don't know if you have ever gone to a good Spirit filled church? Have you ever taken these deep deep issues to The Creator of marriage? I know only of one True healer, one True marriage councellor, Jesus Christ. I don't know the things in your heart, the hurts the longings, your wifes hurts and longings. But I do know One that do know everything about you and your situation. I do know One who loves you, your wife and your children very very deeply. One who is able to heal. I don't want to go into detail about my own life and how I basically lost everything and everyone I loved. But through it all, the ONLY reason that I am still here, is because of Jesus. And He stood by me. And He will stand by you if you want Him to. I wish I coul'd help you, but I can only tell you about Who saved my life and point you towards Him. The world will tell you many things to do, but most of those things won't be right. For me there is only one right way. Jesus's way. I so much hope you guys can resolve things and be happy once again.
  10. Hi Saprkzz, I must let you know from a womans point of view, if I was married and my husband gave me "a list" of everything I need to do or not do or change about myself, it will definitely Not work for me. Imagine yourself if your wife gives you a list of do's and don'ts...? I think that is too blunt and will make her feel targeted (as you state that you don't want her to feel.) By reading your post I can see that you really care about her feelings and that is good. If I coul'd give a suggestion it would be this: maybe each person can ask the other one to do one thing for a whole week. Example: you can ask her to make sure the house is more or less clean for a whole week and she can ask you something she wants you to do for a whole week. See how it goes. So each week each person gets something he/she must try their best to do. Maybe she want's you to cook the whole week, then that will be your task. And then after each week you can get feedback from each other and choose a new "task." Remember this is only ideas that I can think of and I am no therapist at all.
  11. Hi Saprkzz, I hear what you say. I cannot give any marriage advice myself, as I am not married and also I don't have any children. But I understand what you say. I woul'd definitly see a marriage councellor first. It sounds like there are some issues, but I don't think it is issues that can't be dealt with and overcome. I mean, although at this stage you are just "mom and dad" no one has cheated and theres no physical violence. What you describe is that there are resentment and boredom from both sides. But it can be worked on if both parties are willing. And for the messy house, maybe you can get someone to come in once a week or so to help your wife with cleaning up a bit. Not to take your wifes side, but I also need some help with the house now and then. Especially when I feel down, I don't feel like cleaning at all. And I hide my "feeling down" very well. Maybe that is how your wife feels without you even seeing it. If you had a good relationship for many years, you CAN have that again. But it will take some effort from both sides. It sounds like you are in a rut at the moment, so I think some outside perspective and tasks to work on towards a goal will take you a long way. That is how therapists work from what I have seen and heard. So my humble opinion would be: don't give up just yet. Hope you find the help you need to come out of this even stronger. But you will have to find some help.
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