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Lilly333

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  1. Maybe you can find a private tutor or maybe a friend that could help you with the subject that you are struggling with. Or start a small study group of people who help each other. I hope this helps a bit.
  2. Why do you feel that you are failing? Is it because you measure yourself to others in your class?
  3. Hi alone Girl, I am sorry that you feel sad. From what I read in your post it sounds like you don't really have a say about what or where you want to study. I can see that your parents want to do the best for you to give you a good future, but I don't think that you had any say in it and you feel that you have to go along with what they want for you as to try and not disappoint them. Maybe that is why you don't feel the same passion for the things you used to. I might be wrong. But if there is any chance that what I read is correct, I would suggest to talk to your parents about what you really want to do/study. And maybe at a place where you will feel that you fit in. I hope things will work out for you and you can find a place for you to thrive. Because everyone is good at something. Don't lose your passion for the things that used to make you happy, grow them. 🌻
  4. I have a family who treated me that way. My mother was the one who started from the time I can remember and eventually her behaviour rubbed off on my dad and siblings. Eventually they all treated me like that. Well, over a year ago I broke contact. Cause I couldn't take the way I felt every time I visited them. Some days they fooled me and we had an ok/good time, but as soon as I thought "wow, they like me" they would turn around and be awful again. To the point where most times when I had to drive home after a visit or family gathering, I was crying. Sometimes they made me feel So bad that I wanted to end my life basically. This type of behaviour started very early and Only Got Worse. That is why I don't see them anymore. I wish things could be different but I have accepted that it could only happen if they respected me as a person. That respect was never found in almost 40 years. At the end of the day you are the one that is responsible for your own well being and you have to decide if you can live with this kind of treatment and still feel good or is this affecting your health and mental state in a negative way. For me, I had to leave, I had to get out. But the damage is done. I hope you can make the best decision for You, one that will build you up, bring you joy. You don't deserve to be treated like that. Hugs.
  5. Extremely dirty house
  6. Hi Sad in grand Rapids, by reading your post it sounds like something is not right. It might be that your body has a reaction to your meds or something else is wrong. I would definitely go see a doctor if I felt the way you described. I have also tried to stop my meds all at once one time but I would not recommend that at all. At the moment I am tapering off my meds very slowly. Like over the past 6 months little by little. But it would be better to do it with doctor supervision especially if you don't feel well, as you have stated. I hope you get the right help soon. Take care ☺
  7. Hi Seeking Truth, I am so sorry for what you have to go through and for not having anyone close that really wants to listen. I know how it feels to try and always be the nice one, the one trying to fix everything the one trying to please everyone. I know how it feels to not have any family by your side because you had to make the hard choice to get out of the abuse or to stay and die inside. I know how it feels to be the scapegoat at work, the one who is never really good enough, the one "they" take their frustrasions out on. The one who is told "you are gonna lose your job" Four years ago I did not lose it but I gave it up cause I couldn't take the stress anymore. I am also just hanging on for dear life. Now I have a part time job that doesn't pay much, but I don't have the stress of the previous job. It was a choice I had to make. I've put in many years of studies to be able to qualify for my previous job, now I don't even use it. I am sorry that you feel so depressed and that people get you down. The only thing that I still hang on to is my faith. And yes, it is very difficult to even hang on when one feels so depressed and hopeless. The other thing that I try to do is to eat more healthy food and I have noticed a little bit of a difference when I don't eat gluten products. And I go for a walk every single day. I play with my dogs and try to see the small beauties in life, literally stop and smell a flower or look at the shape and colours of different leaves. The sounds of different birds, how the hop on the ground. The different pictures one can make up in your mind when you look at the clouds. Writing down your thoughts. Everything. As if you are talking to someone you really really trust and then afterwards burn the paper. Crying. For me this one helps alot. It brings out all those feelings. And then afterwards focus on something good. Anything that will lift up your spirit. And then of course talking to people who will listen (or in our case; read.) I hope you will find the strength to hold on and not give up on yourself. Even though others have. You are worth so much.
  8. Hi Candy22 I feel very sorry for what you have to go through. I know it is extremely painful when someone you love just disappear for no real reason. It also happened to me. I was with a guy for about 5 years and engaged. When suddenly one day he just left my house and never returned. That was 14 years ago. We had a conversation about a month after he left and he told me he has a new girlfriend. They are now married and have 3 children. I don't know how happy they are because if he could do that to me then he can do that to her. I think I forgave him but I live with this memory and feeling of betrayal and loss every day. I know every persons situation is different but I can relate to what you feel. Just know that there are many many many people who went through the same experience as you and that you are not the only one who has this hurt inside your heart. I hope this helps you. And I hope you can find peace and love from other things and people in life. Stay strong.
  9. Please don't start a conversation with me and when I want to say something, ignore my comment and just walk of or start doing something else. It wakes up a feeling of rage inside of me and I don't like feeling that way.
  10. Please don't look so shocked and ignore me when I walk past you and greet you with friendly smile. Thats really rude and make me feel as if I should never have greeted you in the first place. It makes me angry and sad at the same time.
  11. That is alot of hurt one person could go through. No wonder you feel so bad. I also felt like I didn't want to be on any medication for depression anymore and I did taper myself off over a few months. But I found that the moment I did not take the medication at all, I felt terrible. So I had to go back on but now I use a very low dose. Other thing is I had to try a few medications over the years. Actually many different types before my psychiatrist found the right medication for me. Every person reacts different to medications I have found. I also would love to not be on any medication at all, but I realized that I could not stop taking it alltogether. For me I have to be on a very low dose, at least for now. And like MaepleSyrup said I also find that when I put on the radio on any type of talk show, even something I dont even really listen to, it helps alot just to have that in the back ground. Especially when I feel lonely which happens alot. I hope you can find some sort of professional help soon. And remember you are not alone.
  12. Funny thing is, my mother always told me that I am the one with All the problems... so I went to see a psychologist for about two years, every single week and as it was he knew everything that was deep inside my heart. I used to ask him if there is something wrong with me and if he thinks I need medication. He told me that there is nothing wrong with me and that in fact I am a very pleasant person with a lot of good qualities and that I don't need medication. I decided that I needed medication anyway because sometimes the depression was just SO bad. So I was on and off medication for a few years until about 5 years ago when I went to see a new psychiatrist and he gave me antideprissants. One day during a consultation I asked him why he thinks that I am so depressed, because he also knew my life story after a few visits. And this is what he told me, he said that my depression is (circumstantial depression). Meaning that there is nothing wrong with me and that there is a REASON why I feel this way. And that I am not the one with the problem (as my mother used to tell me). This was just so profound for me to know. To realize that the person whom I trusted as a baby, as a child and even as an adult was wrong about me. Her perception about me is wrong. And it seems that even the professional people in this field has a different perception of me (as what my mother has). And I have learnt that my mothers perception of me won't ever change. I still hope it does. But I don't depend on that anymore. I have come to terms with the fact that she doesn't like nor love me and that is ok. I just miss the rest of my family. But they are all so intoxicated and indoctrinated by her and they now hold the same view of me as she does. But I still miss them. Especially my dad. I do miss him alot. I am thankful for this community of people with whom I can share my story and feelings.
  13. I also ask that same question, when does it end? I was also the sensitive girl, the one with only one friend at school, always scared and insecure of new people and places. I think I developed that from being the unloved daughter at home. My mother was never loving towards me, I never felt comfortable in her presence. Almost 40 years later and that is still the case. In fact I don't have any form of a relationship with her anymore and because she doesn't like me to have a relationship with my close family and feels jelous when I do have, I have decided to step away from them all together. This really makes me depressed. To feel alone. Without a family. I wish it could be different. I wish I had a mother who could accept me for me. I have tried very hard to win her acceptance, but Nothing ever worked and someone else always did something better than me. (My mothers comments on anything I did well). I think this is the biggest reason for my depression. But of course this experience boils over to every other part of my life. I'ts almost like a snowball effect. Some days I just cry. Some days I feel better. At least my dogs think I'm a nice person and they truly give me some love and joy in life.
  14. Epictetus thank you for your comment/reply. My heart also goes out to you. It is nice to have support from people who knows how it feels to live with depression on a daily basis.
  15. Hi JulesKo I would just like to reply to your post by saying that you are not alone. I was searching the internet on the topic of depression and came across your post. I felt the urge to create an account just to let you know that you are not alone. I also struggle with depression from a young age. Many things happened in my life that led me to this feeling of depression. Im currently on meds for the last 5 years. It feels like nothing in life works out for me. But we have to hang in there and never give up. We must be brave. Keep holding on. I hope it helps you to know that there is someone that read your post and knows what depression feels like. And that you are not alone. Hope you feel better soon 🌼🌼🌼
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