Hi guys, I’m new here. I honestly don’t even know why I’m posting this. Probably just to get some stuff off my chest finally. Though I’m better than when I was first diagnosed with depression, it’s been a long road and the ups and downs often really get to me.
I honestly showed symptoms of depression and anxiety for a long time. I was the kid who would cry for no reason at all and would constantly worry about the littlest of things. Stuff got much worse in my teen years. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was showing signs of low grade depression at around the age of 17. Not like a suicidal depression, but it was always there in this low grade way (dhystima. Sorry if I messed up the spelling). Unfortunately, both depression and anxiety run in the fam, so it’s not too much of a surprise I would get it. It kept getting worse and worse and I kept ignoring it. Finally, in December 2017 at the age of 19, I broke down. A month later, I was in my GP’s office with a diagnosis of major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety and ocd (talk about a winning combination). I was given Zoloft, which made things worse before my brain chemistry adjusted properly (scary experience that first week). It helped in the long run, but it wasn’t perfect.
To make things worse, my family situation was a bit ****ed up. My Ma was abused as a child, a past she never really took the time to confront. As a result, she had a bad temper that often laid its wrath on me. What more, I have a sister who is very controlling. She would often use me for stuff and threaten to **** herself if she didn’t get her way (she was never actually suicidal). She would argue with my Mom constantly. My house would be nothing but yelling for stretches of time. She also stole my credit card twice (the latest time was to buy religious items for her car: a Cross necklace and a medallion of St. Michael the Archangel. Oh the irony), would lie to me, and would say untrue things about me to my Mom that were untrue, which would land me in hot water often. I could write a book about all of the various ****ed up happenings at my house, but needless to say I’m a little scarred.
Like I said, I don’t really know why I’m writing this. Honestly just feel the need to vent. Zoloft was working, but I made the decision to start tapering back in December because the side effects were starting to outweigh the benefits. I am currently down to 25mg, but am scarred to come off completely.
I guess I just feel frustrated. I’m a 20 year old guy who is not only fat due to the damn meds, but now feels his depression returning. I just feel like the good days have passed me by. Every time I start to think I’m better, depression comes reering it’s ugly head.
Thanks for hearing me out if you made it this far. I honestly just need to know I’m not alone.