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About FerryJerry

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  1. I’ve thrown myself in at the deep end, I got my intake right down and I’ve been exercising most days and I brought some scales and joined a extreme group, but I find myself tired easily but I’ve started having bananas and i brought some oats with milk alternatives and I am determined to become healthy. Today I walked 3 miles straight. I am obsessed and i find it helps having people on my chat group for support and inspiration or makes me feel like I’m not alone in all of this
  2. I don’t know why so much can fall on us at once but I am feeling more positive tonight I achieved my goal this evening but I’m really tired.
  3. In the space of just a few days I just had a lot to deal with, I got the covid vaccine appointment and the letter arrived after the date and the helpline told me that I was my tough luck and that there wasn’t any appointments for 6 months so I kicked up a fuss and they said “wait we got an appointment its 1pm today” keep in mind that vaccines scare me because I fear them and we had to travel an hour away and then it all happened so fast and I had a panic attack after and thought I was dying from the vaccine but it was my anxiety playing on my mind. Then I had teeth problems and the dentist said “ah it’s the blood pressure medicine causing the swelling in your gums and to see my doctor so I saw my doctor and he said “ok it’s not something I heard of but stop the blood pressure meds for a week” and I have and the sweepings gone down and I don’t feel exhausted all of the time and I’m still scared that the vaccine will make me ill. I had the Oxford one and my arm really hurts. At the same time I am trying to lose weight and get healthy and I'm, scared of failing. My days were filled with staying in bed and doing nothing and now it’s not as scary going out because I got vaccinated but at the same time I’m scared of dying from it because of the news articles I read. its like I started caring about living again and now I’m scared to lose my life. I am not young, I’m 37 and I want to live my life because for 20 odd years I stopped living I just survived and did nothing other than get through the day. I remember when I was a teenager, wishing my life away so I could be older and do adult things and the years passed by and now I see how stupid I was because adulthood to me is way way overrated. It’s just I’m feeling overwhelmed thinking about everything that’s going on. I want to keep the promise I made and just be ok, I promised I would be ok no matter what and I got side tracked.
  4. I comfort eat and I’m not very active but after talking to the doctor and realising where my health is heading I think I swapped one eating issue for another because now I am scared to eat so I swapped on to meal replacement shakes and I’ve become obsessed with weight loss and part of me doesn’t care what the consequences are long term as long as I can reverse the health issues I have. Whenever I used to get upset I ate ice cream and now I replacing two meals with shakes and exercising and I joined a group that post inspirational posts to loose weight. Over 6 years I became very inactive and I can’t well very well but I’ve kept my muscles by some miracle so I devices to lift weights but I want to be thin and get nicer clothes but more importantly I want to reverse my high blood pressure and I don’t want to struggle to walk anymore, life in bed in a miserable life and eating bad foods I think fuels my depression. I’ve become really obsessed and joined a chat group that encourages weight loss and I feel happy and hopeful for once
  5. I’ve had a really bad day, I run a game server on iPhone and help others with their game play and tonight I found out someone was being horrible to people and ruining it for others so I had to remove them and they got mad and I had to deal with that and it’s taken a lot of my energy and it’s eaten up most of my day really. I feel like I’m the bad guy for removing the person from my game server. I also had myself a stalker who booked a flight to come find me and I had to find out from my server game members which also left me feeling depleted.
  6. Since starting my blood pressure meds I’ve had less energy and feel exhausted most of the time and my partner is really getting to me, it’s like yesterday we wended up walking two miles to get bread sauce because she had to have it. By the time I got home I felt like I needed to lay down, but instead had to clean cat trays, do the dishes and then got moaned at for not helping put the shopping away, she constantly complaints about how ill she is, but so am I and that’s never taken in to account. Today I in the bathroom and she shouts across three rooms and expects me to hear, so then claims to have broadcast the message on google home but it never played because google home is useless totally useless and after arguing he came to the kitchen and said she needed help with the cat and that it was stuck, but when I finished and came in the cat wasn’t stuck at all it was on the bed having treats and I’ve just had enough, then she kept on and on and on telling me I need to take the trash out when I am preparing food and I just can’t cope. It feels like mental abuse, maybe it’s not but that’s how it feels to me because it drives me mad. When your stuck in doors you can’t get away from these things and I end up having to get high to drown it all out. I am the one taking these blood pressure meds because she needs me to be around to help and look after her but I can barely lift much without feeling weak and out of breath and she makes me feel like I am the one to blame. I wish there was no pandemic so I could leave and start a new life elsewhere on my own or with someone else who cares. I would go to America if I could and start my own dispensary and find someone who was cared about how I feel but it’s just a dream, I guess I got my head in the clouds.
  7. I called them and they basically talked me out of changing medication and told me to give it another week but they said the problem is that blood tests will be needed if I swap and with Christmas coming up it won’t be possible. Last night I started having bad acid reflux which I never had before, I found it scary because my throat and mouth felt like it was burning with acid. I seriously just don’t want to put this junk in my body, I just feel like a guineapig
  8. I think my meds (blood pressure meds) are making my depression worse, it’s listed as a side effect along with heart attack which is a other possible side effect so that scares me. Since I started them a week ago I feel faint all of the time, no energy and feel exhausted like I have anaemia and I’m not managing to live or do anything really when I try I get breathless and faint, I have a review of these meds in a weeks time but I fear that my health’s on the decline and I feel powerless to do anything. I stopped playing my game because the depression to do bad and I couldn’t focus. There’s so much I want to do but I feel lifeless. Because of my mental health I ate more, became less active, then the last remix hit and I barely go out anymore. It’s like my life ended two years ago and it’s declining all of the time. I don’t want to be scared anymore, I want the life I left behind back but it’s gone and it’s never coming back.
  9. I was bullied online when I woke up and just in a bad place, I spend time helping people and one of them stabbed me in the back and I keep getting treated badly and at the same time I’m having to deal with my emotions because I believe that I am dying all of the time because I’m really unhealthy and I’m just falling apart on the inside
  10. Today’s been a negative day, I needed money so had to sell stuff on eBay and then take it to the post office and I had to deal with one jerk keep trying to offer me barely anything for my phone and it’s not that, that bothered me it was the fact that he kept being sarcastic and telling me good luck selling my phone because I won’t sell it for any more than he was offering, so I was polite to him and said sorry I just got a offer higher and sold the phone. Going out was difficult and we rarely go out anymore so I had panic attacks about going out but we needed the money. I got triggered several times today, like when my partner threatened to make me send my PlayStation 4 back, then when I went and ordered food and they said come in 15mins to collect, so I did and I stood there and stood there and there were lots of people and some didn’t have masks and I got fed up with the lady so I said look I’m going to wait out side till your ready and went outside because there was just too many people inside and they were not 2 meters apart and then I had a panic attack and it’s far worse when you have to wear a mask bad it’s a requirement doing the chores after all that sent me over the edge but I’m in bed now cuddled up with a cat and tomorrow is another day I got to try and face chores again.
  11. My dads been so bad to me lately and ignored me and gave me stress that I’ve decided to send him a Christmas gift I know he will love which takes me back to my childhood my mum when she had a transport cafe she used to collect russ trolls she loved them and my dad hated them, he said they where cursed and bad luck and he sadly took them one day and burnt them, the one thing he doesn’t like are trolls and camels so that is what I shall send him for Christmas some trolls and camels but I will gift them to his new girlfriend so that she will probably like and keep them and it will really tick him off ya know. I never saw the big deal about the russ troll toys but he just used to over react and blamed everything that went wrong on these poor dolls and I look back on that and chuckle but that’s just me. Maybe I’m being immature and childish but that’s my right. I don’t think I will sign the parcel either
  12. My father has been a horrible to me since we lost my mum, we dropped everything to support him and ended up paying two rents because we moved near him so he wasn’t alone, within weeks he found someone else but that was down to him, I traveled 9 hours on a Train to see him last Christmas and he stood me up for dinner and later on Facebook he said it was because we went to a hotel for x rated fun with his new gf. So I barely got to see him, I was stuck in somewhere strange I never been and then more recently he said to the court that mums car and all her possession were left to me, I believe he said this to avoid the debt collectors taking all of the things and he put me at risk of being done for fraud (his fraud) which I had nothing to do with and I am so livid, the debt collectors are harassing me now. What gets to me when he found out that I was gay he stopped caring, it’s like when I fell in the car park and injured myself he didn’t ask if I was ok or offer to help so I’ve had enough, and I’m considering taking legal action against him because he admitted in writing that all of mums things were left to me, yet he sold 1000’s worth of her things and pocketed the money. He has her car, table, god knows what else so I could take him to court but I don’t know what to do. It’s not about the money, it’s principle that he has tested me like dirt time and time again, he never says sorry or never says he did anything wrong and he just keeps on causing me stress, upset and it’s impacting my recover and has set me back at-least a year and he doesn’t care at all. He lies. I don’t think mum would have wanted me to sue dad but on the other hand she wouldn’t have wanted him to treat me this badly either. Ever since he lied to the court he hasn’t rung or text or said a thing. I don’t know why I deserved all of this other than him taking offence when I came out as gay. I’ve had enough
  13. I have tired cbd in the past and it helped but it gave me severe tummy upset but it helped my mood but I couldn’t continue as the side effects were very severe. Cbd is a part of the hemp plant that does not get people high and contains only trace amounts of htc less than 1%. I decided to find an alternative way to consume cbd and I found cbd flowers from a reputable place online and I vaped them and it helped my mood, my stress levels without giving enough the bad side effects and it’s helped me sleep the best sleep I’ve had in a while, I put my head on the pillow last night and awoke at 1pm feeling rested. At the weekends I get very stressed from dealing with the food delivery and I had some cbd before the delivery and I was peaceful,relaxed and managed to function and that’s a big step for me because I get grumpy. Where I live cbd is sold over the counter at the pharmacy and vaping the cbd flowers seems to have been more effective for me and less side effects and is more economical then the oil or gummies which are very expensive and don’t agree with me. I feel able to do more in a day and do it peacefully and I can function and if you knew me I don’t function well doing tasks
  14. I love the stars and solar system, it sounds great so I will look that up thank you.
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