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About FerryJerry

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  1. I spoke to the other doctors surgery and asked if they are taking new patients and I explained why I wasn’t happy with my current GP surgery and they said “sure just come in and fill in new patient forms” so I will do that. In the meantime I will request a months worth or new medication and collect that, then fill out the forms and be done with that doctor practice. Life’s to short to put up with poor behaviour from doctors.
  2. The pandemics really trashed things in this country, just like in others. The train service is worse it’s ever been and trying to get medical treatment is tricky. I partner was supposed to have a scan to see where her bleeding was coming from but that got cancelled. Getting a appointment for these issues apparently the only place that can offer treatment is 4 and half hours away by train and we don’t have any other transport. Yes medical treatment is free but people pay NHS contributions to help fund the NHS which comes out of wages, but even so it’s like certain medial treatments are taking a back seat due to the pandemic. I will let you know how I get on
  3. In the uk we don’t have a lot like that, the best I can hope for it what I did, I emailed the CEO / chairman and put in a complaint and I got a response to say they sent it to the complaints team to look in to, but I explained the issue to my doctor and the people at the hospital and they just shrugged and said we are sorry you can’t make it have a nice day, but for now I’ve resorted to having vitamin K in vegetables to help my blot clot better than it should. In the next few days I will change doctors if possible and push to get help but because of the pandemic the public transport in the uk is total chaos with only a handful of trains a day, bus replacement and they expect you to make it there and back home by 5pm because that is when the last train is which is really mean, it used to be 10pm at night the last train.
  4. I spoke to the doctor today and she was really horrible and bullied me for not being able to travel 4 and half hours to be examined by a specialist, I explained that the last train home leaves during the appointments and I am vulnerable and can’t sleep on a park bench all night and she just kept on and on about how if it was her she would be jumping at the appointments and I’m sorry but I filed a complaint immediately after. There are two hospitals close by one is a ten minute walk the other is 45 mins away but they choose to send me 4 hours 30 mins away. My new plan is to sack my doctors, register with a new doctors and firstly see if there is anything they can prescribe to stop the bleeding and then still push through with my complaint to the chairman of the hospital department and get a closer appointment or help getting there but I got to concentrate about making it through today because I woke up to bleeding again, another two kittens died from fading kitten syndrome and I’m severely dehydrated and had to dig a grave for my beloved 3 week old kittens and I am not in a good place, but I am going to survive.
  5. I had complications from a medical procedure that went wrong and that was 8 years ago. Whenever my blood gets thing and it’s naturally thin, then I have terrible bleeds when I use the bathroom I can feel it happening and I see the blood everywhere, so the o my hope I have is if I run back to bed and put a towel down an elevate my body and pray that it stops. I struggle with the sight of blood at the best of times. I thought that maybe after all of these years it would stop but it happened again. The first time it happened I screamed down the phone to my mum that I was dying because that’s how bad it gets, For a long time I wouldn’t go out and if I did I would be scared that any moment it would happen. I’ve tried to get help but the doctors are clueless and nobody is seeing patients because of the pandemic so I feel like a dead man walking, I’m pretty sure it’s causing me be anaemic, all I do is sleep and get breathless and it’s scary, part of me would like an escape plan I’m case I have something terminal but the other part of me is terrified and not knowing what to do. I could call for help but if the bleeding stops, they can’t figure out where it’s coming from, I’ve had scans, once I was in A&E for a week because of it and in that time they found out nothing other than I had an infection but they couldn’t tell the cause and it’s just causing me no end of distress and the not knowing. I could be out and i could have the bleed and nowhere to easily lie down and no way of getting clean or applying pressure and I wonder what if it never stops one time, what if the next time is the last time, I can’t imagine what it would be like to loose a terrible amount of blood from medical issues but I can imagine it would be a very terrible thing
  6. Feeling really flat, low and lost, tried filling my day with movies after I did the chores
  7. I’m struggling with pain but I’m setting that aside because one of our kittens is struggling, she’s three weeks old and weak (runt of the litter) she’s struggling to feed, not only competing with her brothers but she struggles to find and attach on to mummy to feed, my partner woke me at 5am this morning expressing concern so I went in to the store and got kitten milk and managed to feed her a little, but then I went in to town to get kitten formula and syringe and I sterilised everything and made up w batch of milk and she had a better feeding and she seems to be improving. She’s really tiny but she seems to be gaining weight, I am hoping and praying that she will survive, if she didn’t I would spiral in to a deep depression because animals mean the world to me and I love them more that life. I’m extremely tired and feel low, but I know even if it takes 6 weeks or so of interrupted sleep to feed baby kitten I will do it. I named her Lady because she’s special and felt that name fitted someone special. I know if we both survive the next 6 weeks we can survive anything. Feeding her is difficult but I learned what to do and to make sure we feed her the right way up and just hoping my efforts will get her through. Her mummy cat had given up and kicked her out of the basket and kept carrying her away but now she’s doing better she’s staying in the basket with mummy so at least she can keep warm and mummy can help her use the bathroom but in prepared to do what it takes to help. I guess I see a lot of myself in Lady because I struggle to survive in many ways but I’m a fighter just like her and no matter what I will always love her. I will get through the day one step at a time and hopefully so will she. It should be easier tomorrow if the bottle comes and works out because syringes are not very user friendly in terms of releasing the milk slowly but the bottle will hopefully. I sometimes wonder or ask what my purpose is in life or what I’m doing here but even if it’s just helping a kitten survive I will be happy. The other two kittens are healthy and massive for kittens like their dad but Lady she’s about half of the size and you can feel her bones in places and she can’t walk as good as the others but she’s a real fighter, every step that she makes is a blessing and I hope I see her grow in to a beautiful cat. She’s a long haired tabby cat just like her daddy and she’s part Bengal cross , and part long haired tabby but either way I’ve decided we are keeping her
  8. I like quiet a lot of games. When I was a kid I used to play sonic, these days I play red dead redemption, grand theft auto, story of seasons friends of mineral town, destroy all humans (a game about aliens) I look out for games in the steam sale and get them when they are older or discounted and it’s fun. I’ve always been a fan of games and movies too. I found out that they are released the high definition version of the never ending story on Blu-ray in Germany so I ordered it as it has English audio and I take comfort in things like that
  9. Yesterday I was woken up three times, twice by my partner receiving phone calls and once by the cats and that was 2am and I didn’t get back to sleep. 9am comes around and my partner keeps on that we have to go to the post office to get electricity for the prepaid meter and post some stuff, I said I was feeling very ill and didn’t feel well enough to come out and that the electric would wait but she wouldn’t take no for an answer. I ended up being bullied in to going and when we left the post office I was in a bad state, I was in a lot of pain with my joints, I couldn’t concentrate, I felt dizzy and faint and kept having to sit down and rest and I got home, had to have some pain medication and I was so hot temperature wise, I passed out on the bed after the pain meds kicked in at around 4pm and I missed dinner, it’s 4am now and I still don’t right but I’m better than I was but my mood has been terrible to. I feel like I am not heard in our relationship that nothing I saw ever matters and that I’m not treated as an equal. When my partner is ill we never go out, when I’m ill I am made to go out.
  10. I decided not to have dental work until I can feel ok again, the therapist suck they really do but they are really nice but that’s all I can say to be honest, it’s like attending the sesame Street of therapy where big bird is happy and wanting you to learn from a book and Elmo is grinning and nodding in agreement with everything big bird says. They are the gate keepers to better therapy unfortunately. Wish I could sleep things such badly but I am enjoying my last day of fun before I lose my console forever
  11. I can relate, I can’t hold down a job or work because of my mental and physical health but it’s more the mental health part and I think mental health should be classes as a disability and there should be more and help and support. Most days I can’t concentrate enough to be safe, on a bad day I can’t cross roads on my own as it wouldn’t be safe and on days I can when I stop concentrating for a moment I break down. But there should be more help for people out there, there’s a lot of ignorance out there and lack of understanding and it needs to change. Even my parents would say to me when I was depressed “we wish we had time to be depressed” and they said they don’t know what I have to be depressed about. The same with my uncle when he had a mental breakdown my parents said similar awful things to and it still peeves me to this very day.
  12. 1: I keep having to sell things because I’m broke, my partner takes most of my pay check and I have very little left so my console is going 2: my teeth are feeling apart and I can’t face going back to the dentist that treated me badly and I don’t feel well enough to travel further to go to a new dentist 3: I am loosing money because the postal service keep loosing parcels I send, in a month they managed to lose two and I get the fall out from it because people on eBay contact me to complain and it’s not my fault as I sent the items tracked and insured. 4: I got bullied online so I’ve lost my photography account because I couldn’t face being on there anymore. I am constant exhausted, I got around to 3pm today and curled up in a ball in distress and fell asleep. I keep trying to figure out ways to make money but they never work out mainly because of the postal service is dire.y currant venture is levelling up gaming accounts to trade but you have to months and months of time in to it and some days I can do that but others I just can’t concentrate. I worry because when our money runs out I don’t know how we are going to feed ourselves let alone the pets but I guess I could catch fish since we are near the sea and rivers. I went to my mental health appointment and that gets to me because I sit there for an hour while they read out CBT from some book and they are like “ stop, take a step back and look at the situation differently” I’m like yeah but not every situation that will work with. It’s like when I have panic attacks if I find find a bathroom which is linked to childhood trauma, there is only one way to look at the situation, you either find a bathroom or you don’t and not finding one isn’t good, so how do you look at the situation from any other way?. The therapist was talking about thoughts of not liking people sometimes and when people have treated me bad, why should I look at those people in any other way than, that certain people are toxic, and how is that is my problem? It’s their problem surely for being nasty in the first place, I’m not saying all people just the bad people of the world I’ve come across.
  13. Yes thank you just very very tired and a little sluggish, but therapy helped with my mood
  14. I don’t know how I made it though the day today, I woke up bleeding and noticed that I had a lump come up and felt really ill, I had the chills, felt weak and tired and faint i called a doctor and it was getting worse so I called the health advice line who didn’t want to help, because I had a slight temperature on my forehead they wanted me to speak to a covid doctor, but luckily GP was happy enough to see me despite having a temperature which I told her about prior. By the time 4pm came around I could barely stand up and had to walk two miles to the doctors since we don’t have transport, each step of the way I felt like I was going to collapse. The doctor wasn’t sure what the lump was but believed it was infected because it was close to the veins so she gave me antibiotics, I came home, ate and had my medicine and collapsed, my mental health was so bad because I thought I was going to die I felt so ill. in the mist of things my partners phone sounds triggered my ptsd and I couldn’t stop it so I turned the phone off using the power button but it wouldn’t come black on again and she kept blaming me and saying I broke it and got very angry, so despite feeling faint I had to fix her phone and felt triggered from that. I could barely talk when I was sitting in the waiting room at the doctors. The doctor is going to send me to see a specialist because of this lump and the severe bleeding whenever I see the bathroom. Because it’s close to an old wound they are want a specialist to check it out. I just feel mortified to be honest, my mental health was so bad that I had to call the number for mental health support , luckily I see mental health in a few days time, but I’m just not coping with life, there are issues that I can’t deal with as I have no reserves left. I couldn’t take care of my partner today because I was so ill which made her ill and I feel really guilty, I’m the one who should be taking care of her, but all I could do was try and stay alert and to not faint and get through the day, I cried a lot today and the lump on my skin is very painful and the size of a grape and appeared within 6 hours. I keep trying to get sleep but every 4 or so hours I’ve to be awake for my antibiotics.
  15. I used to enjoy walks by the sea and also woods but lately I struggle to get out, I was going for walks almost every day. These days I don’t want to leave my home or my bed. Shortly after my post one of us was unwell so I had to clean the place and it triggered me because I’m obsessed with hygiene and having to concentrate when I struggle concentrating was difficult, I had to clean everything and remember if I touched anything and clean that and it help my anxiety but hurt my mood. I’ve been using eBay a lot lately to try and make some money because I’m struggling and I think someone is trying to scam me, it’s been a week and they still have not dispatched the item I got for a friend and the seller isn’t returning my messages. Then I have to deal with some difficult people on there and some of them are just rude, one woman called me a drunk for asking if they would accept an offer on the item they had for sale then was nasty and I’m fed up of dealing with people on eBay to be honest. I guess I stress over things a lot. It’s just when bad things have happened in the past it’s difficult to see the light. I wanted more of my life but I learned to accept that surviving day to day and taking things one day at a time is the reality of my life and some days I manage more, others I don’t.
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