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About FerryJerry

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  1. The whole situation is not great, I got food poisoning from having to have takeaway so did my partner, it’s not about the money although that is a factor, it’s the principle that the supermarket changed their policy because the lockdown is eased off here (which I think it a mistake but it’s not down to me) people where I live don’t take covid seriously, most don’t wear a mask, you see people hanging around in groups talking and that’s down to them. To me it’s the fact that people will walk all over vulnerable people and get away with it because 9 times out of 10 nothing will happen. Maybe it was my upbringing but i look at things in legal terms because I learned a lot about law and rights growing up. it’s the sheer fact that they will keep on doing it, not just to me but to my family, I have family many miles away who are more vulnerable than me, covid would be risky to them and they too can’t cope with packing shopping and there are more people out there like this. This is the 4th times it happened to me and the 4th time was the time they really got to me. A camera cost us £20 which was down from £60, to install it, it’s light enough to sit on the side mounted with double sided tape, it powers from a standard usb and we have power sockets nearby. A court case would set me back £80, £20 for the camera, a discrimination case would award anywhere from £500 upwards and is pretty much a slam dunk. To me it’s about there being consequences to actions and maybe they will think twice. I only bring cases that I am 90% certain that I will win. In my life time I’ve brought two cases related to faulty goods and I’ve brought discrimination case to the ombudsman and won, it made the news and I was assigned a personal banker to ensure the issues I encountered wouldn’t happen again. It’s not about the money although the money is nice, it’s about hitting them where it hurts and where they will pay attention, the pocket. a lot of discrimination goes on in this country, especially to disabled people or people with disabilities or vulnerabilities and it hits a nerve because most people can’t fight back. From my bed I will lay there and wrong out legal documents, responses and if I need to I can send them snail mail using the internet or I can submit digitally and to be honest concentrating on something can help with my anxiety. If the delivery drivers or the store bags stuff this in the coming weeks I will reconsider my position. At a minimum I think I need a camera for our own safety because people can be dishonest, if not the food delivery, other delivery firms and before lockdown there was a spate of burglaries in the area so I feel safer with W camera. The main thing that triggered my anxiety was the dentist, now my teeth are sort of stable I don’t intend to go back to that dentist and avoid dentist for as long as I safely can. i could look at every situation and think to myself why me and get butter about it, but I’d rather just be sort of mad and use the mad to motivate me to complain. I don’t complain often, I do complement when a company does good, I leave my share of good reviews to. What I need right now is stability, regular food and drink ( in the past two or three days I’ve had one bottle of water to drink and that’s been it, I struggle to stay hydrated end not having drink delivered hurt) then I need to be by the sea for a while and let it calm me down. There’s something about being by the sea is relaxing and grounds me, same with woodland but I’m not able to walk far these days. Today I got to wait in to the post then get some food and drink and rest. Tomorrow is another food delivery day and I’m anxious but tomorrow could be a better day.
  2. Lots has happened recently and ever since the dentist triggered me, I am stuck in a high state of anxiety and stress. my main issue is that the food shopping delivery people are treating me badly. The first time the delivery driver refused to pack shopping in to bags and then shouted at me that covid is over and to let him in to my house when the instruction was to leave them in the porch. fast forward to today and again they refused to help with the shopping again (the website says if you need assistance the drivers will help pack) so I called customer services who took my complaint and told me to tell the driver to return the shopping a few hours later I heard from customer service and they claimed that the driver accused me of having covid and put that down as the reason he didn’t deliver. So I had a witness with me who wrote to them confirming that I never said I had covid and that the driver was lying through his teeth so we got no food, no drink and had to order take out. I've told them that their actions are discrimination that we notified them before of my mobility issues and my partners and I said I’m seeking compensation. The store said if you provide bags or buy them they will pack in to them but they don’t. I've had enough, I don’t know how someone can step on to your property, treat you badly and then lie through their teeth. So I decided to install cctv cameras because in England you can record on your own property and put cctv camera signs up so that’s what I’m doing, at the weekend if it happens again I will have evidence of their treatment and I am going to take legal action. Tomorrow I’ve got to walk in to town and struggle to carry heavy shopping. what’s crippling me is the stress and anxiety of it all, I have high blood pressure anyway and this is probably increasing my blood pressure. I don’t know how to get out of this state of constant stress and anxiety. It’s like my heart races, I can feel my body tense up and my breathing becomes difficult because of the anxiety. I don’t how to get past it, it’s been this way too two weeks or so now.
  3. In the space or a week a number of things have happened, I lost my fitness group, stopped exercising and my skins gotten really bad with eczema so much so that it became infected and the pain is 9 out of 10 it’s like my skins burning whenever I put cream on it and it was a struggle to get help because it was a weekend but I pushed and pushed and the pharmacy helped me chase my prescription and I’m feel so low and today I got bullied several times and I then drank too much coffee and can’t sleep and my tooth is broken, then I got hernia pain back from lifting something heavy, it’s been 8 years since I had my operation to fix it and I with my ptsd I forgot I ever had a hernia and lifted concrete blocks. I feel depleted and overwhelmed. I just needed support today and my partner slept all day after getting a fever from the covid vaccine. At times today I felt suicidal and I’ve decided to sell my console because of the bullying and deleted my social media (Twitter) as I was being harassed terribly because I didn’t agree with what other people said. I had several projects I was working on like building a bike for fitness and I run in to issues and a rabbit run because my rabbits broke the last hutch and I’ve burnt through a lot of money, the bike feels like a bottomless pit, first the clearings wouldn’t go in and they broke, then I needed mote parts and tools and it’s been a waiting game but I’m in debt and broke because of it, I said to my partner that it would cheaper to just buy one built but the parts turned out to be really steep so I salvaged some parts off of used bikes from an auction and I need to respray some parts but it’s been raining all week and I am just over whelmed and run down and needing a doctor and a dentist and appointments just are not that easy to get for the dentist, they will patch you up but won’t do any kind of work that involves drilling due to restrictions passed by the government and I’ve already lost one or two teeth because of this and I stand to loose a third tooth. I let my cats in to the bedroom tonight because 1: I can’t sleep but 2: I need some support and cuddles with them stop me from going over the edge.
  4. I’ve thrown myself in at the deep end, I got my intake right down and I’ve been exercising most days and I brought some scales and joined a extreme group, but I find myself tired easily but I’ve started having bananas and i brought some oats with milk alternatives and I am determined to become healthy. Today I walked 3 miles straight. I am obsessed and i find it helps having people on my chat group for support and inspiration or makes me feel like I’m not alone in all of this
  5. I don’t know why so much can fall on us at once but I am feeling more positive tonight I achieved my goal this evening but I’m really tired.
  6. In the space of just a few days I just had a lot to deal with, I got the covid vaccine appointment and the letter arrived after the date and the helpline told me that I was my tough luck and that there wasn’t any appointments for 6 months so I kicked up a fuss and they said “wait we got an appointment its 1pm today” keep in mind that vaccines scare me because I fear them and we had to travel an hour away and then it all happened so fast and I had a panic attack after and thought I was dying from the vaccine but it was my anxiety playing on my mind. Then I had teeth problems and the dentist said “ah it’s the blood pressure medicine causing the swelling in your gums and to see my doctor so I saw my doctor and he said “ok it’s not something I heard of but stop the blood pressure meds for a week” and I have and the sweepings gone down and I don’t feel exhausted all of the time and I’m still scared that the vaccine will make me ill. I had the Oxford one and my arm really hurts. At the same time I am trying to lose weight and get healthy and I'm, scared of failing. My days were filled with staying in bed and doing nothing and now it’s not as scary going out because I got vaccinated but at the same time I’m scared of dying from it because of the news articles I read. its like I started caring about living again and now I’m scared to lose my life. I am not young, I’m 37 and I want to live my life because for 20 odd years I stopped living I just survived and did nothing other than get through the day. I remember when I was a teenager, wishing my life away so I could be older and do adult things and the years passed by and now I see how stupid I was because adulthood to me is way way overrated. It’s just I’m feeling overwhelmed thinking about everything that’s going on. I want to keep the promise I made and just be ok, I promised I would be ok no matter what and I got side tracked.
  7. I comfort eat and I’m not very active but after talking to the doctor and realising where my health is heading I think I swapped one eating issue for another because now I am scared to eat so I swapped on to meal replacement shakes and I’ve become obsessed with weight loss and part of me doesn’t care what the consequences are long term as long as I can reverse the health issues I have. Whenever I used to get upset I ate ice cream and now I replacing two meals with shakes and exercising and I joined a group that post inspirational posts to loose weight. Over 6 years I became very inactive and I can’t well very well but I’ve kept my muscles by some miracle so I devices to lift weights but I want to be thin and get nicer clothes but more importantly I want to reverse my high blood pressure and I don’t want to struggle to walk anymore, life in bed in a miserable life and eating bad foods I think fuels my depression. I’ve become really obsessed and joined a chat group that encourages weight loss and I feel happy and hopeful for once
  8. I’ve had a really bad day, I run a game server on iPhone and help others with their game play and tonight I found out someone was being horrible to people and ruining it for others so I had to remove them and they got mad and I had to deal with that and it’s taken a lot of my energy and it’s eaten up most of my day really. I feel like I’m the bad guy for removing the person from my game server. I also had myself a stalker who booked a flight to come find me and I had to find out from my server game members which also left me feeling depleted.
  9. Since starting my blood pressure meds I’ve had less energy and feel exhausted most of the time and my partner is really getting to me, it’s like yesterday we wended up walking two miles to get bread sauce because she had to have it. By the time I got home I felt like I needed to lay down, but instead had to clean cat trays, do the dishes and then got moaned at for not helping put the shopping away, she constantly complaints about how ill she is, but so am I and that’s never taken in to account. Today I in the bathroom and she shouts across three rooms and expects me to hear, so then claims to have broadcast the message on google home but it never played because google home is useless totally useless and after arguing he came to the kitchen and said she needed help with the cat and that it was stuck, but when I finished and came in the cat wasn’t stuck at all it was on the bed having treats and I’ve just had enough, then she kept on and on and on telling me I need to take the trash out when I am preparing food and I just can’t cope. It feels like mental abuse, maybe it’s not but that’s how it feels to me because it drives me mad. When your stuck in doors you can’t get away from these things and I end up having to get high to drown it all out. I am the one taking these blood pressure meds because she needs me to be around to help and look after her but I can barely lift much without feeling weak and out of breath and she makes me feel like I am the one to blame. I wish there was no pandemic so I could leave and start a new life elsewhere on my own or with someone else who cares. I would go to America if I could and start my own dispensary and find someone who was cared about how I feel but it’s just a dream, I guess I got my head in the clouds.
  10. I called them and they basically talked me out of changing medication and told me to give it another week but they said the problem is that blood tests will be needed if I swap and with Christmas coming up it won’t be possible. Last night I started having bad acid reflux which I never had before, I found it scary because my throat and mouth felt like it was burning with acid. I seriously just don’t want to put this junk in my body, I just feel like a guineapig
  11. I think my meds (blood pressure meds) are making my depression worse, it’s listed as a side effect along with heart attack which is a other possible side effect so that scares me. Since I started them a week ago I feel faint all of the time, no energy and feel exhausted like I have anaemia and I’m not managing to live or do anything really when I try I get breathless and faint, I have a review of these meds in a weeks time but I fear that my health’s on the decline and I feel powerless to do anything. I stopped playing my game because the depression to do bad and I couldn’t focus. There’s so much I want to do but I feel lifeless. Because of my mental health I ate more, became less active, then the last remix hit and I barely go out anymore. It’s like my life ended two years ago and it’s declining all of the time. I don’t want to be scared anymore, I want the life I left behind back but it’s gone and it’s never coming back.
  12. I was bullied online when I woke up and just in a bad place, I spend time helping people and one of them stabbed me in the back and I keep getting treated badly and at the same time I’m having to deal with my emotions because I believe that I am dying all of the time because I’m really unhealthy and I’m just falling apart on the inside
  13. Today’s been a negative day, I needed money so had to sell stuff on eBay and then take it to the post office and I had to deal with one jerk keep trying to offer me barely anything for my phone and it’s not that, that bothered me it was the fact that he kept being sarcastic and telling me good luck selling my phone because I won’t sell it for any more than he was offering, so I was polite to him and said sorry I just got a offer higher and sold the phone. Going out was difficult and we rarely go out anymore so I had panic attacks about going out but we needed the money. I got triggered several times today, like when my partner threatened to make me send my PlayStation 4 back, then when I went and ordered food and they said come in 15mins to collect, so I did and I stood there and stood there and there were lots of people and some didn’t have masks and I got fed up with the lady so I said look I’m going to wait out side till your ready and went outside because there was just too many people inside and they were not 2 meters apart and then I had a panic attack and it’s far worse when you have to wear a mask bad it’s a requirement doing the chores after all that sent me over the edge but I’m in bed now cuddled up with a cat and tomorrow is another day I got to try and face chores again.
  14. My dads been so bad to me lately and ignored me and gave me stress that I’ve decided to send him a Christmas gift I know he will love which takes me back to my childhood my mum when she had a transport cafe she used to collect russ trolls she loved them and my dad hated them, he said they where cursed and bad luck and he sadly took them one day and burnt them, the one thing he doesn’t like are trolls and camels so that is what I shall send him for Christmas some trolls and camels but I will gift them to his new girlfriend so that she will probably like and keep them and it will really tick him off ya know. I never saw the big deal about the russ troll toys but he just used to over react and blamed everything that went wrong on these poor dolls and I look back on that and chuckle but that’s just me. Maybe I’m being immature and childish but that’s my right. I don’t think I will sign the parcel either
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