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OtherKin

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About OtherKin

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    Newbie

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Mississippi, USA
  • Interests
    Other people, metaphor, ki, chakra, healing arts, wisdom of life, occult knowledge of creation, experiencing sensing and living more in 6th dimensional consciousness and mindful perception, fitness and tai-chi

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  1. Better, now that I'm done with the discord server support project and don't have nerve-wracking deadlines leading to self-defeating stress. Now I can go at a reasonable pace with my studies in psychology, spirituality, and the healing arts in both of those domains (and perhaps one day I'll start work with tai-chi to complete the mind-body-spirit balance šŸ˜› ). So, lets see if support is something I really want to focus on now as a "career" or hobby at least or if it's simply the experience of being a social creature as a means to complement my deep spiritual interests. Both is always an option I suppose šŸ™‚ .
  2. So, what have I realistically accomplished for myself, I ask to myself, in this thought process / epiphany? I haven't found the self-sufficiency to maintain even basic needs like shelter and food, but at least I think I've managed to find peace of mind in my current living arrangements and health and hopefully and mental preparedness for most any circumstances. Just thinking though that all I have to do now is breathe until I die, whether or not I end up homeless or permanently dependent on assistance, and then hopefully oneness again in the beatific vision. I think it's hell enough being here that there shouldn't be much asked of us but to bear through it.
  3. Thanks Tearz for the advice šŸ™‚ , and I'm happy to see you BillyC, LonelyHiker, JD4010 and sober4life posting here with yall's perspectives! This is so good! Thanks everyone for posting here šŸ˜„ ! I think the universe is a kind of self-organizing tapestry somehow, where we see the underside of it and things appear like they aren't working out for the greater good or at least in our individual interests (and I can definitely understand feeling like nothing is working for one, like being singled out). I wish I could express more just how much it felt like I had been dealt a poor hand in life and gotten the short end of the ****ty stick, because now it's like that's all behind me somehow. I've seen a bit of a tapestry to my life hindsight 20/20, and feel that if things had went differently I wouldn't have been as well introduced to collective suffering so as to be able to actually understand what its like from a first-hand perspective and be a light in a world that seems so dark. As much as I hate it, learning happens through time by experience - the alternative would be instant-download instant-gratification instant-everything and there would be no place for time. And, that to me is problematic because it makes things less real, less earned, and less rewarding - a whole different order to reality that's less real. So, it seems its necessary to allow for good/bad duality because time itself being a necessity to existence seems to require it. As a created things in existence, we're having to play by the same rules as everything else, ranging from experiencing the beauty of spring to the catastrophe of an asteroid, and hopefully it will work out for us beautifully like evolution itself has for life. We're here and we're stuck with it so all we can do is do good and hope that it makes things better for others and us while we keep our trojan horses against the powers that be ready to unload when our time comes šŸ˜› . Reflecting back on how the I went through all of that above angst throughout my life, condensed it all here like fruit juice concentrate, it looks kinda like a Monty-python skit or "the story of Job" where I just broke the 4th wall or something at the end and do like something that seems totally random to tie things up. It was like the answer I came up with to my angst came almost out of nowhere, literally, where "being present" had not worked before and only seemed to make me worse in fact. It's as though there was a discontinuity between the problem and the epiphany but somehow I'm still going strong and haven't much returned back to the angst after getting the rest off my chest with some friends in discord and receiving support that healed the pain both spiritually for the angst and psychologically for the pain of life. So, it seems the difference between how one person ticks or another when it comes to trauma is how one has learned to identify with it. As an example, athletes have to relish muscle pain from working out as a part of their discipline, but as someone who hated the hurt of pain I couldn't push through and be one. Still, though, now I feel that I can be an athlete with my perspective on pain now šŸ™‚ . I'm even doing cool mind-over-matter isometric exercises where I'm constantly working my body out with isometric tension even at rest like wild animals do to stay in shape. When moving, I constantly flex my muscles for even better results. It's taken around 6 months to get into the habit, and I'm even seeing results on my yunmai scale with excellent muscle mass, bone density, and fat that's melting away. So yeah everything has been getting better and I think everything is connected, my physical health improving even and not just my mind, just by having sought the questions so that I could climb my way out of floundering in ignorant of ignorance. Knowing the questions to ask is more important than and a pre-requisite to knowing the answers IMO. It's the questions that guide and define one's belief paradigm. It's the essential step of coming out of not knowing of not knowing. I want to share a meditation I had and shared on discord. I think it pretty much sums the new thought-process I've had to address my existential angst. I feel so content despite the fact that my illness has basically destroyed everything that I had worked for that I feel that I fail in connecting with other's pain. I suck at offering support because when I try to offer direct sage advice it seems to miss the mark and be directly wrong and unhelpful instead. Still, I try. I wish from the bottom of my heart good fortune for and from any circumstances for everyone, but my faith just seems too care-free about whatever the Universe may manifest to offer anyone who seeks a specific outcome anything that can quell anxieties about an uncertain future in the face of real dangers. No, you are not losing your mind or going crazy I think and try to convey. You are waking up to the realness and hardness of reality, and pain is about the most knocking sensation of reality there is. But there is hope in that tangibleness of reality somehow. The realness seems to be a gift itself. All i can recommend for a formula to contentment is hope that everything will work out in the end for everyone and everything no matter what or how things unfold in the interim. Peace and love to all! Keep the hope and fight the good fight! Thanks for reading my stories too, cheers mates šŸ˜„ ! Keep the fight brothers and sisters!
  4. I agree šŸ™‚ ! I agree recovering from trauma makes us stronger, it's a fact of life and a necessary protection/adaptive skill for an otherwise hostile and dangerous world. Recovering from trauma does strange things to the mind, an involution of consciousness wherein one becomes weller than well in certain aspects. It's a strange thing that hurt and pain seems to be almost a kind of gateway to wisdom and strength and personal power, but it is at least a good thing that can be, nonetheless. Take Dissociative Identity Disorder, for instance, often a result of great trauma and/or traumatic in itself. Getting used to the way the mind functions and mastering the literal collective one is brings great and profound inter- and intra- personal skills that can only be described by meeting a system and experiencing their sense of self first-hand. Though, in my opinion excessive / unnaturally forced trauma is only good by the ends, the means aren't necessarily justified as growth can be learned and attained with the natural, unavoidable trauma that comes with life even when there's peace.
  5. Hello again, @Epictetus :D! I used to drive, but now I can't yet because I'm adapting to sensory and attention issues. In the meantime, though, with the internet now an at-home job would be a god-send, like teleconference jobs in the humanties or teaching or psychiatric professions, being a kind of consultant, or computer science (jobs with minimal human contact don't interest me any more though) šŸ˜„ ! Who knows what will be in store for me if I make connections, perhaps I (anyone for that matter šŸ™‚ ) would even be offered a new place to live with accommodations if I find the right employer (or I get found instead šŸ˜› ). Mutual communication and friendship makes it even better I'm sure šŸ˜„ !
  6. That's like exactly what I came to realize just this morning m8, thanks šŸ‘! Synchronicity šŸ˜› ! Part of what I have to do is be less hard on myself, and the other part is that I need time... I watch other users post here and pay attention to their strategies as best as I can šŸ™‚ . I can't help but wonder how many times anyone who has been here been in the same situation starting out afresh here. Hopefully anyone going through this can still press on as a battle lost and not the war šŸ™‚ . No matter my knowledge on the subject of self-help, if I'm coming from a place that is anything less than completely healed, my perspective will be off at the time and I will miss the mark. Sometimes my mood is fit and I do a good job, other times it seems that no matter my desire I am simply cognitively and emotively incapable of providing the right support from a healthy, heart-felt state. So, as long as that's going on then overall I am not stable enough to be an example of it šŸ˜ž . The thing is, I've received such praise from a few close friends I'm working with on a discord server project. They've been at the trade for a while and I've just been at a miss as to their confidence in me just starting out now. Things are moving at a quick pace too for both me and the project, even though I'm basically having to "evolve or die," think on my feet, and prepare myself soon something that I have only had cursory experiences of competence in so far. So, I do feel that with my desire rooted in experience of trauma and mental illness (a childhood dream I had even šŸ˜„ ) I hopefully also have the potential. It's just is it reasonable for me to expect what basically has to be exponential growth through a week or two if I just try hard enough using good judgment. Will it get me to a stable place of peace to where I'm not distressing over needing to go to the inpatient hospital in my mood swings. Again, thanks Shio šŸ™‚ .
  7. For me, disability has been pretty vital for being less of a burden on my support group so money isn't an issue either itself or as a point of stress. It's giving me the time to adjust to the years of system shock of having contracted mental illness in the first place, so hopefully I can get back on my feet šŸ™‚ .
  8. I've made great strides as of recent with coping with mental illness and moving forward in life but I still feel bummed because I struggle to utilize my learning experiences and coping strategies to the benefit of others. I want to help, but there's always a risk of not helping instead and I just end up feeling bummed out when that happens because I don't think there's much worse a feeling of failure when people and lives are at stake. Still, though, the greatest risk of all is to not take chances at all.
  9. seachellie, I cannot help but keep thinking about your pain. Please, if what I've said provides no comfort then it is of no use and I have failed you in my efforts to support you. My life path changed dramatically with severe mental illness, but things have worked out and I'm okay now, even if things are now not as I had expected or hope to be as. But everybody's story is different, ya? So, I feel like I've missed the mark in trying to be supportive, and I offer my sincerest apologies. Please, keep the hope!
  10. Best of wishes that all goes well šŸ™. Things always work out for the best just by seeking šŸ™‚ .
  11. As someone with dx schizoaffective disorder, I've experienced that there can be a feedback loop between stress from deadlines and responsibilities that becomes mounting as the stress itself causes physiological and emotional/cognitive symptoms that in turn make it harder to meet the demands of life. So, if this is the case, then your doctor, counseling professional, or a consultant may be able to provide guidance to provide coping strategies or prevent snowballing demands (perhaps without compromise) in some way. Hope this helps šŸ™‚ .
  12. Tears are a beautiful thing to have, ya šŸ™‚ ? Ditto for your poem, so much from your heart in just a few words...
  13. Hello vf1985 šŸ™‚ . Have you spoken to your Dr. about the side-effects yet? Sometimes the side-effects will get better over time, I'd check up on how long it takes the medicine to take full effect (usually weeks) too. Other times, the side effects just get worse and the medicine doesn't have its intended effect because it is hit or miss whether one psychiatric medicine works for each individual.
  14. This. Especially this! I've been through several attempts at my own life too and can definitely agree that this was a major part in my recovery. I had to let myself feel bad, separating feelings of guilt and shame for doing so, dividing and conquering. Self-hate is okay to let yourself go through. Let it happen and run its course, acceptance of one's feelings bears one's attention and focus to them for insight. If you like self-help books, my favorite one so far has been "The Language of Emotions" by Karla McLauren (sp?). It uses metaphor too! Anyways, cheers and best of wishes šŸ™‚ !
  15. I hope its okay to quadruple-post, but I just want to make another update to this make-shift blog šŸ˜› ... That was pretty tough sounding on myself. But with the epiphany what was angst just basically evaporated into complaints into nothingness. I was not expecting to be over this a day and a half after I posted about it here, but it's taken my whole life and years of medication experimentation, self-help, therapy, and being fortunate enough to be a part of a loving family here and at home to make that milestone epiphany happen. It's the biggest dent yet I've experienced in the recovery process on the road to becoming more wholesome and weller-than-well. I've learned that the general statistics and expectations don't have to matter when it comes to individual prognosis and the transformational journey of merely seeking. Now, next I need to get longer-term goals in motion for self-sufficiency and expressing the creative drive šŸ™‚ . This venture of registering and posting here for help has been a tremendous success already! Thanks again everyone :D!
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