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Everything posted by nojoy

  1. No I didn't get to Atlanta this past Christmas because of the situation with my brother. Just before Christmas is when the family started noticing problems & I was being called to check on him as I'm the closest to where he lives. I got a weird text from him last night & I called him (in rehab center). As we were talking, I had tears running down my face. Not because of sadness but he sounded like our dad did. I know then that everything would be ok.
  2. cold & expecting snow overnight and tomorrow. Have I said how much I hate snow.
  3. I'm doing better. The anxiety level is coming down. I think I have come to the realization that my brother may have a year or 2 left after accompanying him to the neurosurgeon & seeing the MRI scans. And I have no more control over his passing as I did when our parents passed away.
  4. Welcome to the forums. Some of the best advice & support I have gotten is from the people here.
  5. I basically checked out of real life for the past 7 days. Didn't shower, dress, go out of the house. Ran out of cigarettes 3 days ago. Anxiety made me hide away from the world. Until today when a pushy, rude lady from the rehab center my brother is at called 3 times. Like I have authority to make decisions for him or talk to his doctors. Stress from talking to this woman made me get a shower, get dressed & go to the store for cigarettes. So I am feeling better. I'll take the whole anxiety pill in the morning. I'll go with him to his post-surgery visit with the neurologist & take notes for the rest of the family. And I'll do a repeat with him on friday's visit with the cancer doctor. It did feel nice to have a week of doing nothing but reality reared its ugly head & pulled me back in. Peace & Love to everyone!
  6. 51 degrees F right now & for tomorrow with rain but friday dropping in the low 30s with a mix of snow & rain.
  7. Visited my brother in the hospital. Still trying to figure out who would bring his new bowling ball to the hospital? went to library to print out some more documents about ancestors. decided I wanted spaghetti for supper, brought the hamburger & when I came home discovered that I had used the last sauce I had frozen last month & didn't have the ingredients to make more.
  8. today is a good day. today's laugh: I tried to teach Thai the "No Snow" dance. It was much easier to teach 3 & 4 year olds the "No Snow" dance than a cat! stay warm.
  9. Hello, I'm sorry you are going through all this. I am dealing with the same situation & don't know what I can do to remedy the situation. Just know you're not alone & I hope that the answers will come.
  10. I'm doing good, considering the family stuff over the past two weeks. I did research to find a workable solution to the many issues others in the family are having, & wrote out each with pros & cons when confronted again. Spoke with an aunt (in Iowa) & a cousin (in Minnesota) both reported lots of snow. Begged them to keep the white stuff. Please. please, pretty please keep that nasty white stuff. Want to know something they find funny, my city & several other cities in the metro area shut down when we get more than 2 feet of snow! And it's not because of snow but more of the ice that forms on the roads. Stay safe & warm friends but please pretty please don't send that white stuff my way.
  11. I had 2 amazon gift cards for doing surveys about covid earlier this year. Spent them on myself. brought 2 of the diamond dot kits.
  12. suppose to be in the high 60s, partly cloudy. my kind of weather.
  13. I am in a good place. In about an hour I will take 1/2 pill for anxiety. Just to get ahead of the anxiety from being with family. Merry Christmas & let's hope for a better new year!
  14. As I am going through something similar with my brother & his family & friends thinks he has lost touch with reality & his "doctor" told him he is saying bizarre things about being in contact with his deceased wife. The family expert on all things depression, came home from a visit with the friends & "doctor" & did some research. The difference between hallucination & delusion: Hallucination refers to a state belonging to a person in which the person sees or believes in things that do not exist in reality or exists in reality in a different manner. A real life example: a lady in former church was looking up at the ceiling, talking quietly to herself. after church, a group of members were talking about her behavior because the lady told someone she was talking to the angels in heaven through a hole in the ceiling. I nearly got asked to leave the church by saying how do we know that she is not talking to the angels & maybe we should all be like her in our faith. Delusion denotes a state in which a person believes something to be here despite having all the evidence pointing towards the falseness of that particular thing. A real life example: My brother has in the past month, has been looking for his deceased wife. He has called her no longer in service cell phone, looked her up on the internet. But when told that she is dead, he'll tell us that he knows she's dead & buried in the cemetery with our mom & dad. And then he starts trying to tell us about thing he found online about his wife, within a 3 hour period with my brother, we had the same conversation 3a dozen + times about women with the same name as his wife that he found online with me saying that none of these women look anything like his wife. Someone who develops psychosis will have their own unique set of symptoms and experiences, according to their particular circumstances. But in general, four main symptoms are associated with a psychotic episode: hallucinations delusions confused and disturbed thoughts lack of insight and self-awareness One group I know of is National Suicide Prevention Lifeline -- 1-800-273-8255 to talk with someone & they also have an online chat at suicidepreventionlieline.org And we are here for you too. You are stronger & braver than you believe yourself to be.
  15. Back in the 70s, there was a song that told of a woman who had been to all these places, done all these things, but she had never been to me (meaning herself). I have never been to me. I have always played the parts that other people wanted. I am now in a place that the therapist calls this is what normal is like for people. You see the problem, you find an acceptable solution for the problem & you move on to the next thing. G-d I love this woman. She has helped me to relax, stop the overthinking & let other people solve their own problems, that's it okay to say no, its ok to stand up for myself & its ok to help when asked. I'm not ever going to be free of depression/anxiety. I will often question myself. Sometimes the dark hole may reappear but I have the confidence & tools to keep away from the edge. I will be on meds for the rest of my life.
  16. Life is hard enough living with depression, but family can make it worse. They just don't get it. And when we try to explain it, they still don't understand. They don't get that we cannot turn off the feelings of depression & wanting to end the pain to because it hurts so bad. Families like ours on the forums, understand what we feel because we have also lived the pain you feel. I think that our biological families don't understand because they are afraid of depression. They are afraid to acknowledge our feelings & how that will change their own lives. My brother has yelled at me the times I have been called to go check on him. He wants everyone to mind their own business & stop overreacting. In the past I would've said fine & walked away. Now each time, I reminded him that people care about him. I also said that he should be glad that he has friends & family who care because I don't have anyone who sees that pain I live with and all anyone cares about me is what they can get. You are braver & stronger than you think. take care & know that we understand & care about you.
  17. tired. these days of 4:30 wake ups have to stop.
  18. cherryapplez, just know that we are here & you are loved. i have had days like this & i think we all have. do something for yourself, even if it is going back to bed & pulling the covers over your head. we all deserve a day of cocooning.
  19. I heartily agree. I wish they would let me bring my kitties though. the library is the one place I don't mind everyone knowing my name. I read alot of cozy mysteries that have settings & cats in them. Several years ago, the public library asked for suggestions. I suggested adding a cat or two. Still waiting for that to happen.
  20. Well, I woke up at 4:30am, fixed a cup of tea, had a cigarette, looked at the clock & said the heck with the day, I went back to bed for a 2 hour nap. Since I woke up at the decent hour of 7am, I have played 2 games on the computer, checked email& facebook, had another cup of tea & looked at my to-do list. It's almost 10, I guess I could do something on the to-do list.
  21. winter months are the hardest. the cold & often lack of sunshine makes my depression seem worse. my therapist says to go outside get some sun & fresh air. that triggers the asthma & doesn't help either me feel any better.
  22. Since you said you have saved other communications from her to be read when you are stronger, perhaps a simple wishing you a happy holidays. It would allow you peace that at least you did this much. IMO, I wouldn't say anything else. Your mother may see this as a way into your life, especially giving her the information about when she may hear from you. You may not be ready by spring to resume a relationship with her.
  23. Hey duck, my plan was to go to Atlanta but with my brother's current mental state & his daughter-in-law having a chemo treatment on Dec 23, I feel like I'm needed more here & money is a bit tight. But I have decided that when my 2 daughters & oldest one's family leave after dinner on the 25th I am heading to the local beach for an hour of walking & quiet. That will be my new tradition.
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