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nojoy

Silver Member
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About nojoy

  • Rank
    Silver Member
  • Birthday March 9

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Virginia

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  1. nojoy

    Leaving

    I couldn't decide where to post this. Not everyone needs to see this. Dear Friends, When I found this site, I thought it was great. I found others like myself who have lived with mental health problems & a hope to crawl out of that dark hole I found myself in so many days. Unfortunately, I am leaving Depression Forums. The time has come for me to what is out there. Another world. (not in the literal sense, but in the wide world of the internet or perhaps another defeated soul. Epictetus & JD - Your posts & responses gave me hope & many times something to ponder. Sober - When I was down, you made me smile. I want to be a kicka$$ & take no prisoners like you someday. Mark in the Dark - I miss you & hope you found peace. I hope we all find the peace away from the demons in our heads. Perhaps one day, we will meet again in the online world. Peace & Love Joy aka nojoy
  2. Recently, I read a post (shared by a "so-called friend") that depression is nothing more than unresolved anger. And if a depressed person dealt with his unresolved anger, he would no longer be depressed. Yes, I admit that when I get hurt by people, I do get angry. I can take a lot of hurt for so long but I do get angry after so much. Do I think that anger caused my depression? No! It has been proved that when I get the correct or appropriate dosage of anti-depressives, I am able to function in the world. I think that the depression can lead to anger, just being unable to cope with different situations can cause sadness, or being overwhelm can lead to difficulties. All of these I think are symptoms of depression. So any friends want to weigh in on this. BY the way the "so- called friend" has been unfriended. With people like that I don't need enemies!
  3. nojoy

    visit with therapist

    What I really wanted to title this was Suicidal or homicidal. Why you might ask? I met with the therapist yesterday & in talking about how I have been feeling frustrated & overwhelmed since the reduced dosage of zoloft. I have gone from feeling empty emotionally to being frustrated, angry & overwhelmed. She asked if I was suicidal. I said no, She asked if I felt homicidal. My response was if people don't leave me the H alone, then someone was going to get slapped up side the head. I think I prefer being empty than feeling anything. Reminds me of something my mother used to say: be careful for what you wish, it may end up being what you really don't want. (oh yeah, I supposed to call the doc & talk about how the zolofyt ) So who do I want to slap up the side of the head? Let's start with my family. The younger brother & his late wife's daughters finally was able to hold a celebration of life. She died a year & restrictions have been released on the number of people in a gathering (still have to wear masks). I detailed in my last post about the events that occurred regarding what happened. Then yesterday, the older brother sent a text saying he needed to know what day & time to meet with the rep from the humira at my house. Seriously, clean your own dam(n) house to meet with these people. I'm not his mother and I do not have OCD about cleaning like my mother. I haven't been able to get anything done in my own house feeling like I do. This morning, D1 calls to ask what we are doing for Easter. We haven't done anything for Easter since my mother died. This is what I believe led to this question: D2's birthday is on Easter. D2 has been to my house 3 times in the last 2 years, she made her choice to move out because we were getting on each others nerves. Two years ago, I had no nerves to get on, I had no feelings about anything. D2 will get the same thing D1 got for her birthday - a card & a starbucks card. I asked D1 to come over next week during spring break when the grandkids are out of school since I haven't seen them since Christmas to help me clear out the enclosed back porch. She hemmed & hawed. Told her that I only needed someone to move the heavy stuff because of the RA has been painful for the past month. (Yep, when it rains on me, I get the monsoon). When I said most of the stuff was her granny's Christmas stuff so jumped right in that & said she would be over Wed or Thurs (her days off). We shall see what happens (& by that I mean if she even shows up.)
  4. update - got text from great-niece. not sure which her is texting.
  5. nojoy

    I'm a *itch now

    And I hate my family. And knowing how they are, I should be use to giving in & doing what they want. Herein lies the problems. I was raised to be polite. (seems like i'm the only who was raised with manners. So when I make plans with someone, I follow through or if I can't for some reason I will let you know well before the appointed time & it will be a very good reason (like death or profuse bleeding. My family doesn't seem to understand that they behavior of cancelling at the last minute (or in the nephew's wife 2-3 hours later). Yes this is one of the many triggers I have. To me, its is very rude. I have heard all kinds of excuses - such as 'I fell asleep & forgot you had the appointment you need me to drive you to; or 'the dog doesn't like being alone (this dog is close to 200 pounds & one bark people run the other way) or the daughter called & wanted to do something & I forgot to call you or 'it's going to rain'. So now I get to spend the rest of the day doing nothing because we had planned to go to our brother's late wife's celebration of life today but the idiots came up with reasons (see above) not to go and I took the anxiety med because I know I would be around strangers & now I can't find the energy to do anything? Is there a genetic test for rude & narc like genes? I'd even pay for it just to show the idiots that they inherited from their parents! So now I'm being ignored by text, phone, message (fb). Haha, I got the last laugh because I will not be bothered by them at least until they want something & I know what I will do then; give in as i always do.
  6. got the covid vaccine and scheduled for the 2nd in 2 weeks
  7. not really what I did today... more like what am I going to do today. Today I am getting my first Covid vaccine.
  8. As I said before (I think) I come here to write my thoughts and feelings, because the real life family would not think of looking here. So my great-niece texts me that she is taking college classes (again) & is doing well. A few days later, my niece (her mother) sends a link to this girl's twitter & she has moved out of her boyfriend's place; she's going to model again (that's what she moved to CA 3 years ago to do) & she's pregnant & life is going to be wonderful. I know my family is the poster family for mental health problems. My niece functions in a world of her own make belief. She is the one who has been having a online relationship with an up & coming country singer. I've heard since last Oct that he wants her to come to TN. But every time they plan a date for her to go there, something comes up. his mother is sick, cost too much to travel in Dec, country music awards are coming, he's getting ready to go on tour or record a new album. Being the good aunt, I looked into this. I have not told her what I have found because she wouldn't believe me even if I had the guy in front of me to tell her she is being scammed. Whoever this guy is, he can't get anything from her-- she has no money. property or anything except a good heart & being so naïve that she would believe anything she is told. Back to my great-niece. I'm not sure what to believe. She doesn't appear to be bipolar, or depressed or anything that I am familiar with. So I'm wondering if she has a personality disorder. She does appear to happy with her life but somethings she does or says just don't add up. So I am concerned. Or maybe I'm seeing unicorns instead of horses. All I can do is support and encourage her.
  9. Anxious. I'm expecting a call about a job. I know this because my niece works at this hotel and spoke to the manager of housekeeping. I know I can do the work but cleaning a room & bathroom is 26 minutes is going to be hard. It takes me that long just to clean my bathroom.
  10. I can understand how you feel, Nightjar. Mine died 6 years ago and to this day I still feel guilty/hurt/angry when I do anything she would not like. Any advice I could give you would be useless as I could not follow through on it myself. so all I will say is do what you feel is necessary for your own well-being.
  11. today it is sunny with highs in the 70s.
  12. Like I'm living in darkness & there's no light at the end of the tunnel & the more I try to reach the end of the tunnel. the light gets farther away.
  13. nojoy

    Insanity

    Einstein said Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I keep doing the same things over and over expecting things to be different, therefore I am insane. I am kind to people. I am nice. I help when I can. I give my love to others. I treat others as I want want to be treated. I am constantly bombarded by negative thoughts. To the point where I am unable to do the simplest chore, waking to negative thoughts, replaying incidents that occurred years & years ago. I am always disappointed by the results. NO amount of positive thinking, taking anti-depressants, doing yoga or meditation or crystals have done any good. Keep trying says the therapist. It's just another cycle of dysthymia, you've been through this before, you just know this & what to do when this occurs, get outside, get some sunshine, break down tasks in small 10 minute segments, play your music. But what is the use? No one cares so why should I. The things that use to work no longer work. The music doesn't help. Being outside only brings more depression and lots of anxiety. I look out the front door before I leave to see if anyone is outside who I may have to speak to. I like wearing the mask both the virus preventive mask & the mental illness one. I avoid eye contact & hurry through the necessary shopping. I speak only when I have no choice. I am insane.
  14. Very deep thought right now ... Why do Hershey Kisses taste better than a Hershey candy bar?
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