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About nojoy

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  • Birthday March 9

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  1. Sad. woke up this morning to find one of my cats died during the night. Siam was the fluffy one who slept next to during the winter months and when I was having a rough day, she would jump on the bed and head butt me. Just petting her gave me a sense of calm.
  2. I'm tired of hearing these words. Family members are the worst. I have tried to avoid being dragged into the family's various dramas. I still am dealing with the younger daughter of mine and the situation with her. And this weekend my niece dumped her drama on me and the situation with her may turn out to be harmful for her. Every member of my family has some type of mental health issue and I'm thinking that I am the only sane one in this family. And to keep my 'sanity', I am going to keep all of them at a distance and limit the time I have to be with them.
  3. Same here... case in point, given that I can't find much else to say at the moment. Thank goodness, I'm not the only one experiencing this. I've come here with thoughts on my mind and then I can't find the words. I read others posts and can feel their pain or sadness but I can't find the words. So if I'm seen here, just know that I care and that things may seem dark at that moment but there is light at the end of the tunnel (some days that darn tunnel sure is long).
  4. I came across this online and thought I'd share it. The Other Serenity Prayer God (or the entity you believe in), grant me the serenity to stop beating myself up for not doing things perfectly, The courage to forgive myself because I am working on doing better and the wisdom to know that I am loved. --Unknown
  5. Re: the talk about CBT. I have been in therapy on/off for the past 40 years. The first 3 and one group did nothing for me, I finally found a therapist that does more than say 'tell me what's bothering you' (meaning why are you here wasting my time). Heck if I knew what was making me feel this way I'd be on my way to recovery. It has been an eye-opening experience working with T for the past 4 years. She has helped see that I can choose to do things I want and not feel guilty about it. That I was not put here on earth to be a doormat for my family and friends. it has been easier for me to walk away from toxic friends (didn't know I had so many until I walked away.) walking away from family has not been so easy as the guilt that my mother laid on me about taking care of my brothers cuz they married terrible wives(and yes they really did,) and never had any good memories of their married life so SHE had to provide the good times and she passed that on to me before she died. Plus I learned alot of coping skills from T, however I still have a problem with positive self talk. But you can't overcame what you learned in minutes, it takes practice and preserverance (spelling?). Sorry, if I rambled a bit. But finding the right type of therapist can help.
  6. What are your opinion about support groups? It's been awhile, there is/was someone here that led a support group and I had questions about it but my memory isn't what it used to be and I can't recall who it was. There was a depression support group in my city but it met one morning a week and now since the church that hosted it has closed, there's nothing available
  7. Hi Sober, your comment reminded me of something I told the therapists (all 4 of them). If asked how I am, I would say fine even if I was on the floor, guts, brain and blood everywhere, because nobody cares.
  8. once again I am feeling like things are not right. I used think that "i'm good" meant I was making progress. I wasn't down or way up, just in the middle. now I'm not sure what 'good' means. I dislike going to the therapist or meds doc because first question asked is "on a scale of 0 to 10, 0 being no depression/anxiety and 10 being extremely depressed/anxiety."
  9. Hi old friends and new ones too. My laptop crashed and died, the stay at home order and the public library being closed I haven't been able to spend time here. or anywhere. That screen on the cellphone is too ****little to see anything on. Yeah, I'm getting older and needing stronger glasses! (cue the laughter!!) I have been doing okay until the weather became too hot and humid to work outside. I had been working on clearing out the ivy and wisteria that had taken over the front and back yards. So I 've been inside for the past week and feeling lousy, doing nothing even though there is a long list of what needs to be done inside, just watching tv and sleeping to escape life. One thing I have noticed about myself is that I am less of an introvert while wearing a mask. I have actual conversations with people as long as they stay 6 feet away from me and are wearing a mask. Be save and if you haven't heard this, You are stronger than you think!
  10. Hi. Sorry it took so long to respond. I got the call that the dental surgery that was scheduled for March was finally going to happen and rushed to get things like food in the house. Doing better and things are looking good. I think that my changes in how I see my life has a lot to do with finally finding the right therapist and doctor to prescribe the right combo of medicines. Rather than just listening to me talk, this therapist actually showed me ways to change my thinking. Some of the things I do to help myself: I think the thing that helps the most is acknowledging that I control how I react to things and I am not responsible for other's behavior. I still have negative/hurtful/mean thoughts, but I have learned to acknowledge those thoughts and tell myself that its over and done with. Sometimes I have to tell myself "Stop. Not going there." out loud for the message to reach the brain. And for those times that the negatives overwhelm, I write them down. I can't always read what wrote but it is a way to deal with them in a constructive manner. I do guided meditations. I really like Michael Sealey's guided meditations. I have ones for overcoming depression and anxiety, getting restful sleep, to quit smoking, to stop procrastination. There are many guided meditations to choose from. I do yoga, but it has been difficult during the confinement of the pandemic. I do better when I have a in person teacher than a video. I also have been working in the yard, getting the needed vitamins from the sun. It is the first time that I have actually spent 2 - 3 hours a day pulling ivy, raking up 3 years of fallen leaves. Because I do better with lists, I make a list of things I want to do during the week. If I get everything done, great. But if I don't, it goes on next week's list. I don't beat myself up over not getting something done. I know that I will be on medications for depression/anxiety for the rest of my life. I know that there may be days I don't want to get out of bed and that's okay. I give myself permission to take care of myself (because there is no one else to take care of me like I want to be cared for) and to say no to others and to things I don't want to do. I can't control others but I can control how I respond and that was a major step for me to take. I hope this helps others. I'm still on the road away from that deep. dark hole of depression/anxiety. And it is hard but the first step is the hardest, so take baby steps if you need to.
  11. It has been a while since I was here. Since mid-April, I have changed my thinking from hopeless to maybe there is hope for me. I have energy and interest in doing things and actually accomplishing some goals. I haven't forgot all of you and the support you have given me. The meds and therapy have improved my quality of life. Finally the dentist office is open and the surgery I need will be done next week. The therapist said the those of us who have avoided interacting with others, going out only when necessary will have a much easier time when the restrictions of COVID 19 are lifted than the "normal" people. They are going to go wild while we will still take things slow. Be well and even if I not here, you are all in my thoughts.
  12. I have been watching 👀 to see who is hoarding TP 🚽. Planning a midnite raid on those hoarding. If you want to join the raid, meet at the large tree 🌳 in the middle of the town square. And extra points for finding those hoarding hand sanitizer 🖐️. Take no prisoners 🧑‍🤝‍🧑 and only 🚽TP.
  13. my cats are sisters named Siam and Thai. Came with the names as they are part Siamese. At times I call them "the adult lady" (Siam) and "the teenager" (Thai) because of the way they act. Siam is very mellow and Thai behaves like a teenager doing everything she's not supposed to do. Thai is looking at me and I can tell she's sending a message to the Catnip dealer.😺
  14. My therapist emailed me last week about doing this. Sent a link to "GoToMeeting" app. Couldn't download it because my computer security (I know it has a name but I can't think of it.) kept telling me that it was not safe to download this app. So we ended up talking by phone. I was more comfortable talking on the phone than on the by computer and webcam. Think I'm going to tell her the same thing for the next session.😏 Like you I hate pictures of me and the last good one I had was when I was about 4 years old.
  15. the telemedicine session with the therapist did not go as she hoped. the "GoToMeeting" app would not download. ended up using the telephone, which was much better for me. I hope that everyone is doing okay during this terrible trying time.
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