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About nojoy

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  • Birthday March 9

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  1. Not too bad.. My therapist tells me every time I see her that I need to go out in the sunshine that it will help me feel better. I don't go out because of people. get rid of the people and I will go outside.😆
  2. I'm sorry people act stupid when they hear of the struggles we with mental health problems have. I was lucky when I found DF to be the place where I can share my thoughts and feelings without being looked down. Here I found people like myself struggling to survive one day to the next. Are these thoughts/feelings temporary? I don't know. I have suffered from depression and anxiety since I was in my teens. I've had days/years when I was doing good and I've had days/years where I struggle to get out of bed. I hope you find what will help you.
  3. confused; just finished redoing 2018 taxes. Back in Feb 2019, I owed money, this time I get a refund. I don't know happened. I don't care what happened. if the IRS comes after me, they better have a nice, quiet, isolation cell for me.
  4. @Devlinkyla It is good to hear that someone here is doing better. It means that there is always hope for me. I haven't been here because I have been very down and not feeling like communicating with anyone. I have only left the house to see the therapist, yoga and meeting my brother for lunch. and two of those were on the same day. I spend more time in bed than out of it. Therapist calls this a coping mechanism given the difficulties since Christmas, I call it avoiding life, making decisions, talking to people, retreating into a world of my own creation (which a heck of lot better than the real world).
  5. I had an appointment with the local IRS to find out why they did not get my tax forms last year. The rudest lady (at 9:00 am) tried to tell me the forms were never filed, when I questioned more, she said that it was reject. if it was reject why didn't I get a letter or email or something. I met my brother and his buddy at Rosie's Gaming Emporium for lunch and slots. Spent $13 and left with $43. Finished off the day with chair yoga.
  6. sad and numb. I finally realize that I have lost my daughter forever, a friend has stopped communicating and I fear she is back to cutting herself, on a jury that convicted a young man to 5 years in prison for causing the death of his 5 month old son and I learned that Markinthedark is no longer with us.
  7. nojoy


    I just came on here tonite after a very, very, very bad week of jury duty. There are some people I seek out because their posts have help me in so many way. Markinthedark was one of those people. Rest in Peace and I know you have found the peace you have been searching for,😢 Thank you @adamrparr for sharing this sad news and I know we will all miss Mark.
  8. nojoy

    stupid is as stupid does

    Thanks! I know but this time, I knew what would happen and I went ahead and set myself up.
  9. I am ticked off. I have an appt with my therapist tomorrow and I just learned I have to report for jury duty. I really, really need to see therapist as things have not been good.
  10. nojoy

    stupid is as stupid does

    Yep, that's me...stupid. I felt like doing something. so I pulled out the Christmas recipes that I didn't fix for Christmas. unfortunately I made the daughter who left favorite Christmas ham tartlets. I should have know not to fix that but I already had everything ready. just another stupid thing I've done . Christmas was terrible. daughter #2 came in, handed me a flower and said here merry Christmas and not another word to me. This was the daughter who would talk all the time, the one who said love you when she would leave for her classes or job, the one who said you need a hug, the one who would every year find the next porcelain animal figure for Christmas. The last year from the time she left, I was not acknowledge on my birthday or mother's day, no response for my texts. I'm tired. I don't feel like doing anything. just going to bed to escape into another world. I'm tired of this life.
  11. nojoy

    today's thoughts 1/4/20

    got up, ate toast for breakfast, cup of tea, smoked, went back to bed for 2 hours. repeated several times today (meaning every day I do this) unless I have an appt or the cats need food or litter. had plans to bake some stuff that didn't get done before Christmas, but gave up because daughter #2 had always helped. which led to thoughts of how she treated me Christmas day, handed me a flower plant and said merry Christmas. not another word did she speak to me. I found out about her graduating with bachelor degree, new car, and working on her masters, while she talked to daughter#1. had thoughts of leaving but had no where to go but back to bed. at least when i'm in bed I can believe that I am living in a different reality. one where I never feel despondent, hurt, mistreated and any other negative descriptive words. the change in meds helps take the edge off but the thoughts are there all the time. I would like to know what it would take for one of these professionals to understand that the thought of being around people makes it hard to have a job, not to mention the lack of skills other than childcare. if only people would see that I'm not able to take being around people for fear of rejection, I've had a lot of that in my life. if only they could see that the person they see is not the real me. just a person who thinks and acts like what they think I should be. I don't know why I am spending thousands of dollars to fix my teeth. it won't make me feel better about myself or change who I am. I wish I could get disability so that I never had to leave the house. so these are the thoughts that have been running thru my head today. tomorrow may be different.
  12. Lousy. don't feel like doing anything except going to bed; where I spend 90% of the day.
  13. Went to Rosie's gaming emporium (slot machines but not a casino) with my brother. played $20 won it back then lost it all. We had the best cheeseburger and seasoned fries there. My brother won $200, brought my lunch and gave me $20 to lose before we left. It's not often that I spent time with my brother outside of his doctor's offices and actually have fun.
  14. Hi and welcome. Like you and others I have been treated with different meds and therapy on and off over the past 40 years. I have finally found a good therapist who actually helps me find ways to change my negative ruminations. I have done the genetic testing to see how the different drugs respond and which will not work. I also see a psychiatrist for medication management. I also practice yoga and use guided meditations to alleviate some of the anxiety. I hope you will find the solution; for me it took a lot of hit and miss before I found what works for me.
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