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SP_E3ZY219

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  1. I am a recent college graduate who has been working for about 1.5 years. I struggled with school my entire elementary/middle school/high school life, but managed to turn things around in college. I worked hard to receive good grades and began accomplishing a lot. My parents had previously gotten divorced while I was in High school, and it didn't take a toll on me until my college years. My father went off and got married and forgot about us. He didn't even care about what any of my siblings and I were doing, what schools we went to, or what we were doing with our lives. He didn't even know my college major/my school/where I work/where I'm going next. I honestly feel like he doesn't even care if I were to die, rather he cares more about his other family and making a lot of money. This has hurt me a lot, and has continued eating me away for the past several months. My mother has struggled her entire life to provide for us, so couldn't really be there very often. She also had a lot of emotional problems which she would take out on me, so her and I are not that close anymore even though I still live with her and my siblings. My youngest brother sits and plays video games all day (high school), my sister is always in her room away from everyone else, and my other brother takes a lot of recreational drugs like Xanax. Honestly I don't even know what to do anymore. I have no one to talk to, as I feel that my friends are not there for me when I'm in a crisis, rather they only talk to me when I'm in a good mood. In about three months, I am starting Medical School and moving away which already feels like is going to take a toll on me. However, I don't know how I'm going to cope with it knowing my brother takes drugs, my mother isn't close to me, my friends aren't there, and my father literally doesn't care about me. What should I do? I have had so many negative thoughts about myself, humanity as a whole, and my true purpose. I keep jumping into a wormhole where I think about what humanity really is....a species that keeps on breeding...but for what? I question existence as a whole and have turned to nihilism recently.
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